Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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coffeejo
Ælfrēd
- Location
- West Somerset
Me: I'm thinking about getting SPDs after Christmas.
Fellow club member: Will you be getting elbow pads as well?
Another FCM: And a first aid kit?
Fellow club member: Will you be getting elbow pads as well?
Another FCM: And a first aid kit?
Thomk
Guru
- Location
- Warwickshire
Me: Are you going to be Santas Elf and help him deliver the presents?
4 Year old daughter: I live in this family. I am a girl. I am Rosa. I am very very tired.
Me: Oh OK then.
4 Year old daughter: I live in this family. I am a girl. I am Rosa. I am very very tired.
Me: Oh OK then.
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
On my return from the supermarket
Mrs V: You've got some Paxo stuffing!
Me: You said that you want stuffing.
Mrs V: I didn't want Paxo!
Me: It's stuffing innit?
Mrs V: I wanted pre-made posh stuffing.
Me: Why didn't you say so?
Mrs: Because you were going to Waitrose.......
I hasten to add that I am not a habitual user of Waitrose. Nor are the inhabitants of North Leeds judging by the space in the Waitrose car park and the total lack of queues at the tills which is why I went there this morning instead of the cheaper supermarket chains.
Mrs V: You've got some Paxo stuffing!
Me: You said that you want stuffing.
Mrs V: I didn't want Paxo!
Me: It's stuffing innit?
Mrs V: I wanted pre-made posh stuffing.
Me: Why didn't you say so?
Mrs: Because you were going to Waitrose.......
I hasten to add that I am not a habitual user of Waitrose. Nor are the inhabitants of North Leeds judging by the space in the Waitrose car park and the total lack of queues at the tills which is why I went there this morning instead of the cheaper supermarket chains.
MossCommuter
Guru
- Location
- Salford
"Hiya, here's the turkey... Oh and I picked up these rashers of bacon at the butcher for no reason other than it looked good"
"You want a bacon butty don't you?"
"Yes please"
"You want a bacon butty don't you?"
"Yes please"
BigonaBianchi
Yes I can, Yes I am, Yes I did...Repeat.
- Location
- Iskele TRNC & Mordor UK
Me..." crap..did i really have my bib longs on inside out?"
numbnuts
Legendary Member
- Location
- Gone over the hill and far away
me - Happy Christmas
me - Oh thanks mate
me - what did you buy me
me - nothing
me -
me - Oh thanks mate
me - what did you buy me
me - nothing
me -
BluesDave
Formerly known as DavidDecorator
- Location
- The leafy backroads of Surrey.
Me. I'll have a cider please.
Barman. Pint or a half David?
Me. Pint obviously. I don't drink halves.
20 minutes later.
Me. I'll have a glass of the house red please.
Barman. Small or large glass.
Me. Are you taking the piss (barman puts large glass down)
Barman. What's the matter with you today?
Me. You've been serving me five years and every time I come in you ask me the same stupid question. You know full well how I take my drinks.
Barman. Theres always a first time.
Me. Not for me there isn't.
Barman. Do you have a drink problem?
Me. Yes, you keep trying to give me smaller glasses.
Barman. Pint or a half David?
Me. Pint obviously. I don't drink halves.
20 minutes later.
Me. I'll have a glass of the house red please.
Barman. Small or large glass.
Me. Are you taking the piss (barman puts large glass down)
Barman. What's the matter with you today?
Me. You've been serving me five years and every time I come in you ask me the same stupid question. You know full well how I take my drinks.
Barman. Theres always a first time.
Me. Not for me there isn't.
Barman. Do you have a drink problem?
Me. Yes, you keep trying to give me smaller glasses.
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Over Xmas dinner (to much hilarily)
My wife...while accepting great adulation for her monumentally huge Yorkshire Puddings, using a recipe/method advised my my SIL Will...who was sat at the table...
Wife..'well you've got it or you havnt'
Will...'err who's recipe was it ?'
Wife..'its not the recipe, its the cook'
Will...'but who's recipe ?'
And so it went on...
A short while later, my 2 year old grandaughter just opened her mouth and let what was in it drop onto her dress, she's had enough...
Will...'look at that, she doesnt like your Yorkshires
Wife..'it was your stupid recipe'...
And so it went on...
My wife...while accepting great adulation for her monumentally huge Yorkshire Puddings, using a recipe/method advised my my SIL Will...who was sat at the table...
Wife..'well you've got it or you havnt'
Will...'err who's recipe was it ?'
Wife..'its not the recipe, its the cook'
Will...'but who's recipe ?'
And so it went on...
A short while later, my 2 year old grandaughter just opened her mouth and let what was in it drop onto her dress, she's had enough...
Will...'look at that, she doesnt like your Yorkshires
Wife..'it was your stupid recipe'...
And so it went on...
byegad
Legendary Member
- Location
- NE England
Wife to her Mother. 'Thanks for my present, it was just what I wanted.' (It would be Mother is housebound, so my wife bought it herself) (It was a joke.)
Mother to my wife. 'Your welcome and thanks for the sweets'.
W 'What sweets?'
M The ones I got from you.
*W 'I didn't buy you any sweets, I got you a pink pullover.'
M 'What pink pullover'
W 'The one in the bag with the slippers and Dad's trousers.'
M 'What slippers?'
Wife goes into dining room and produces a large bag saying Merry Christmas on it.
W 'You haven't opened any of them'.
Mother produces several wrapped presents and opens one, to reveal a purple pullover.
M 'It's purple.'
W 'Well that's the one I meant. Do you like it?'
M 'Yes it's lovely but I preferred the sweets'.
W 'We didn't buy you any sweets.'
M 'Yes I opened them before you came in.'
W Now a little irate. 'WE DIDN'T BUY YOU ANY SWEETS.'
M 'Well they're nice anyway, thanks.'
Return to *
Thank goodness Xmas is only once a year!
Mother to my wife. 'Your welcome and thanks for the sweets'.
W 'What sweets?'
M The ones I got from you.
*W 'I didn't buy you any sweets, I got you a pink pullover.'
M 'What pink pullover'
W 'The one in the bag with the slippers and Dad's trousers.'
M 'What slippers?'
Wife goes into dining room and produces a large bag saying Merry Christmas on it.
W 'You haven't opened any of them'.
Mother produces several wrapped presents and opens one, to reveal a purple pullover.
M 'It's purple.'
W 'Well that's the one I meant. Do you like it?'
M 'Yes it's lovely but I preferred the sweets'.
W 'We didn't buy you any sweets.'
M 'Yes I opened them before you came in.'
W Now a little irate. 'WE DIDN'T BUY YOU ANY SWEETS.'
M 'Well they're nice anyway, thanks.'
Return to *
Thank goodness Xmas is only once a year!
ComedyPilot
Secret Lemonade Drinker
- Location
- The Kingdom of Yorkshire
Mrs CP: Are you going to wake up and let someone else sit on the sofa?
[I roll over, still heavily sedated by a lovely xmas dinner]
Me: Burp, fart, scratch.....................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
[I roll over, still heavily sedated by a lovely xmas dinner]
Me: Burp, fart, scratch.....................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BigonaBianchi
Yes I can, Yes I am, Yes I did...Repeat.
- Location
- Iskele TRNC & Mordor UK
me to self:
" Phew...survived that then"
" Phew...survived that then"
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Mrs Cube: " Are you going to have another beer already?"
Me:" Yes. I'm watching Saints beating Bath and it's actually against the law to watch rugby without beer in your hand."
Mrs Cube:" How many have you had?"
Me:" It's Christmas day, who's counting?"
Mrs Cube "Nanna apparently. She says you've had two already."
Me:" Did you say you'd bought some gin?"
Mrs Cube "But there's wine for lunch."
Me: "Can I take it off pause now? "
Nanna "Is he getting popped up?"
Mrs Cube: "No Nanna, he's just watching rugby."
Nanna:"Is he having another beer?"
Me: "Calm down Nanna, I'll move onto gin and tonic when I've finished this beer if it's troubling you."
Nanna:"Oooh."
(Nanna came from a pretty strict family that were devoutly "Chapel" and disapproved of drinking. She tells me that when her late husband was courting her he was threatened with serious harm if her father ever caught him taking her to the pub!)
Me:" Yes. I'm watching Saints beating Bath and it's actually against the law to watch rugby without beer in your hand."
Mrs Cube:" How many have you had?"
Me:" It's Christmas day, who's counting?"
Mrs Cube "Nanna apparently. She says you've had two already."
Me:" Did you say you'd bought some gin?"
Mrs Cube "But there's wine for lunch."
Me: "Can I take it off pause now? "
Nanna "Is he getting popped up?"
Mrs Cube: "No Nanna, he's just watching rugby."
Nanna:"Is he having another beer?"
Me: "Calm down Nanna, I'll move onto gin and tonic when I've finished this beer if it's troubling you."
Nanna:"Oooh."
(Nanna came from a pretty strict family that were devoutly "Chapel" and disapproved of drinking. She tells me that when her late husband was courting her he was threatened with serious harm if her father ever caught him taking her to the pub!)
