Give me some dialogue from your day

[BigonaBianchi]

Me to self.." excellent!...that'll be a flooded floor then

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Telephone conversation with my mum last night (she is aged 70, and has just re-discovered the joys of wine, after some 20 years when she hardly drank alcohol).

Mum: "So we went to another Christmas do, and there were mince pies, again!"
Me: "So you didn't have one today then?"
Mum: "You're joking, they're irres.., irrst,....irrestab,.....lovely!"
Me "How's the bottle of rose doing Mum?"
Mum "Had the last of it today!"

 

[Hacienda71]

Mrs H71: Hi dear guess what .... said to .... about ......?
Me: Don't know
Mrs H71: She said that ...... had seen ...... with (Bart Simpson moment) blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah.
Me: Oh that's interesting, you don't mind if I pop out on the bike for a couple of hours do you?

 

[Crackle]

Me throwing ball for dog in park....

Woman with small dog: "Oooh, I wish I could do that", she says as dog gallops across the park and catches the ball.
Me: "Give it a try if you like. I won't throw the ball as far for you."
Woman with small dog:"No, I mean, have that energy"
me: "oh, I see. Are you sure, I've got some treats in my pocket?"

 

[GrumpyGregry]

Me: So, do you know what it is going to cost then?
Him: Yes I do.
Me: Are you going to tell me?
Him: $300.
Me: $300 equals very costly does it?
Him: Yes.
Me: What was our annual turnover in $ last year?
Him: $50 million or thereabouts
Me: So in that context you still think $300 is too much to pay for this critical service without which we will not be able to recover the situation and without which we will lose $50,000 unless we are very very lucky.
Him: Yes. I think $300 is a lot of money.
Me: Step into my office...

 

[Archie_tect]

Greg you appear to need better staff, can I recommend my son.....

 

[GrumpyGregry]

Greg you appear to need better staff, can I recommend my son.....

can he relocate?

 

[Archie_tect]

where to and when?

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Me: You're behaving really badly, what do you think Santa is going to think of you?

My 4 year-old lad: He's going to think I'm beautiful.

Me: I don't think so.

 

[Dogberry]

Him: No, I haven't been anywhere near the superstore this evening.

Me: So why have I seen CCTV footage of you running out with a box of Stella under your arm then ?

Him: Was it me ?

Me: Yes. And you've still got two bottles on you.

Him: Ooops.

Me: You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your etc.....

Him: I like Stella. They shouldn't put it near the door should they ?!

 

[Arch]

Him: No, I haven't been anywhere near the superstore this evening.

Me: So why have I seen CCTV footage of you running out with a box of Stella under your arm then ?

Him: Was it me ?

Me: Yes. And you've still got two bottles on you.

Him: Ooops.

Me: You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your etc.....

Him: I like Stella. They shouldn't put it near the door should they ?!

I just heard a thing on the news about a shoplifter who lifted £400 worth of stuff from ASDA, but then failed to make a getaway when her car ran out of petrol. Game lass, she and her accomplice did push the car to the petrol station, but suspicions had been raised and they were nabbed.

My dialogue:

Me: <slipping from thing I was standing on, about 12" off the ground and sprawling on the floor> Aeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiieeeeeeee!
Colleague: Sh1t! are you ok?
Me: I think so, my ankle hurts.
Colleague: Good scream, you sounded like Nigel on the Archers, only shorter...

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Dentist of doom: " Open wide "
Me: OUCH

 

[Matthew_T]

Dad told me that he was going to take my brother to a pantomime. My brother performs in a lot of pantomimes.

Me: Where are you going?
Dad: I am taking your brother to a pantomime in Rhyl.
Me: Are we going to meet mum there?
Dad: No she is working.
Me: Well why are you taking (Brothers name)?
Dad: Because he is going to the panto.
Me: Well what is the point in him going if noone is going to watch him?
Dad: He is going as a part of his school.
Me: Yes, but won't he get upset that noone is there to watch him?
Dad: No, because he will be sat watching the pantomime.
Me: Oh, he isnt going to be in it?
Dad: Sigh...No.
Me: Oh right. Doesnt matter.
Dad: .......................

 

[MossCommuter]

"...and a bottle of the Pinotage please"
"Certainly sir, how many glasses?"
"One please"
"Hehe, very good sir, seriously though, how many glasses would you like?"
"One please"
"Oh"

 

[colly]

you sounded like Nigel on the Archers, only shorter...

Yes Nigel was kind of tall.