Give me some dialogue from your day

[Crackle]

Bloke: Walking his dog, "she's getting slower and slower"
Me: "I know, I saw you're wife this morning and she said the same thing. Slower and slower"
Bloke: "The dog's not getting any faster either!"

 

[gbb]

And today's history lesson, conducted by my mum, aged 87.

Mum....'Bl00dy Trump, he'll start another war'
'He's a dangerous man, I think a lot of people feel uneasy about him'
'Well, if there's another war, I don't want to be here for it'

I thought, blimey mum ...she continued....
'Mind, the last one didn't effect us much....Mrs *****house got bombed but apart from that, it was OK in Boulmer (Northumberland)'...
I though 'eh ?' But she continued....
'If you had a spare room you had to let it out to evacuees, we had a family from London, Mrs xxxx, her husband and their daughter Daphne, her and me got on so well, we spent all outer time together, their son was killed in the blitz'

I used a pause to butt in...
'Why did Mrs *** house get bombed ? We're there factories nearby, docks maybe ?'
'No, there was nothing like that'
'So why bomb someone's house '
'Oh the silly fool left her washing out that night'

'Eh ?....left her washing out mum ? , what the heck has that got to do with getting bombed ?'
'You weren't supposed to, the whites must have been seen by the bombers so they just dropped them knowing people were there'
'Ooooh, an opportunistic bombing then'
'Oh yes, the wardens used to go round warning you if you left a gap in the curtains or your washing out'

Good grief...

 

[annedonnelly]

And today's history lesson, conducted by my mum, aged 87.

Mum....'Bl00dy Trump, he'll start another war'
'He's a dangerous man, I think a lot of people feel uneasy about him'
'Well, if there's another war, I don't want to be here for it'

I thought, blimey mum ...she continued....
'Mind, the last one didn't effect us much....Mrs *****house got bombed but apart from that, it was OK in Boulmer (Northumberland)'...
I though 'eh ?' But she continued....
'If you had a spare room you had to let it out to evacuees, we had a family from London, Mrs xxxx, her husband and their daughter Daphne, her and me got on so well, we spent all outer time together, their son was killed in the blitz'

I used a pause to butt in...
'Why did Mrs *** house get bombed ? We're there factories nearby, docks maybe ?'
'No, there was nothing like that'
'So why bomb someone's house '
'Oh the silly fool left her washing out that night'

'Eh ?....left her washing out mum ? , what the heck has that got to do with getting bombed ?'
'You weren't supposed to, the whites must have been seen by the bombers so they just dropped them knowing people were there'
'Ooooh, an opportunistic bombing then'
'Oh yes, the wardens used to go round warning you if you left a gap in the curtains or your washing out'

Good grief...

Hmm, never heard the washing on the line story before.

There is an RAF base at Boulmer. Wikipedia reckons it's been there since 1940 (as a decoy) and 1943 as a live base. Do you suppose the bombers might have been aiming for that instead of Mrs ***'s washing?

 

[gbb]

Hmm, never heard the washing on the line story before.

There is an RAF base at Boulmer. Wikipedia reckons it's been there since 1940 (as a decoy) and 1943 as a live base. Do you suppose the bombers might have been aiming for that instead of Mrs ***'s washing?

No doubt, but I perhaps if they were aiming for the RAF base but couldn't find it, any potential target that opened up might have been worth a punt

 

[gbb]

My wife...
'Have you seen your Facebook?'

I took a lookee and this is what my son posted on my page...

 

[gbb]

we've installed new packing lines and not unexpecteddy, they have been a little troublesome while optimum settings are found, things have run well today but the weekend sees them with an inexperienced engineer so production are a tad nervous. I'm off of course.
Supervisor to me..
'Colin, I need your mobile number'
'Whys that bud ?'
' In case we have any problems'
'Sorry. it's my personal phone....so no '
'Seriously tho...can I not have your number ?'
'No. '

He looked a little surprised...
'I'm not management Seb, I don't get paid overtime or for call outs, I don't have a company phone. I know I attend the production meetings etc etc... but I'm not management and im just an ordinary engineer ...so sorry '

 

[Saluki]

Our works uniform is T-shirt, sweatshirt, jacket and big waterproof coat so, when it's cold, we wear all of it. Sometimes a body warmer under the jacket too as the wind doesn't half howl across our works. We all look like red Mitchellin Men
Today was warm and lovely so in jeans and just the works T-shirt.

Trevor (supervisor): Have you lost weight lately
Me: Yup, shifted the winter timber
Trevor: Lovely stuff, how much have you lost?
Me: all 25lbs that I put on over the winter **yeah, I know, bit shocking but I was depressed**
Trevor: Oooh well done. I'll buy you some chips at lunchtime to celebrate
Me:


** I didn't say that bit. Just mentioning it for clarification.

 

[Levo-Lon]

Me and my line manager..

Me. Would it be ok to treat all the weeds in the lawns as there taking over..
Er. No we can't have any chemicals like that on site..
Oh ok
Me. What if we get a lawn care treatment firm to treat it..
Er No that will cost too much...
Oh ok..
Me..Any ideas on how we deal with the weeds??
Can you pull them up?
Er ....you don't do a lot of gardening do you..
No he says..I hate gardening...
Well we have a 1000 m2 of lawns so pulling all the weeds by had is a impossibility to be honest..

I'll just keep running the lawn mower over them then...
Oh ok ..that will be ok..

Cheers....... You have to love the logic

 

[perplexed]

During the purchase of a £50 set of headphones...

Assistant: 'My cans cost £200...'

Me: 'Oh, blimey...'

Assistant: 'I wanted to get some wot were a grand'

Me:''

Assistant: 'I might get some in future though'

Me: 'Why do you need headphones costing a grand?'

Assistant: 'Well, to get the best out of me system innit? Me system cost firty grand..'

Me: 'Well, my £50 set will do me for the time being...'

 

[gbb]

Not really two way dialogue with me but....
Just had 2 new Goodyear tyres fitted to the car and they alerted me to an air pressure sensor problem I knew was a possibility but respectfully declined their offer to sort it, my SIL is a garage mechanic and may well sort it cheaply as opposed to the minimum £80 the tyre Co were suggesting.
on my way out the manager appeared and said to the guy on the desk...
'Yeah, if we just did tyres I might as well not get out of bed, we lose 10% on Goodyear and Pirelli tyres, no money in them just fitting them '

All said for my benefit of course.

I smiled wryly and thought 'yes mate, well your business model is all wrong then AND you've just made sure I won't be going back (after being a customer for many years)

Just too polite me

 

[gbb]

Had a swine of a day, finally sat down to lunch at 1.45...interrupted by a call to more problems, never even got a drink, should have finished at 3.30, too busy, finished at 4.20. Rang my wife to let her know I'd be late...go to your mates and have a coffee I suggested, I will make tea when I get home.
Later we popped into my mum's ...as usual I made the coffee there.

Mum...
'How's your day been ?'
' Hard day mum, finished late but I told Debs to take it easy and go see her mate.......
My wife....
'Then we got home and I told her to take it easy so I made tea....'
My wife....
'Then we came over here and I'm making coffee so she can still take it easy...'
My wife...
'You're so full of (expletive deleted) ..knowing I'm winding her up.

I paused for a few seconds...
'Yeah, I'm cream crackered.....don't worry, I'll relax later............not sure when but....later '

 

[gbb]

we've installed new packing lines and not unexpecteddy, they have been a little troublesome while optimum settings are found, things have run well today but the weekend sees them with an inexperienced engineer so production are a tad nervous. I'm off of course.
Supervisor to me..
'Colin, I need your mobile number'
'Whys that bud ?'
' In case we have any problems'
'Sorry. it's my personal phone....so no '
'Seriously tho...can I not have your number ?'
'No. '

He looked a little surprised...
'I'm not management Seb, I don't get paid overtime or for call outs, I don't have a company phone. I know I attend the production meetings etc etc... but I'm not management and im just an ordinary engineer ...so sorry '

So that was the 21st April.
Today....same supervisor....actually I think he's now a manager....
'Ah Colin, have you got your mobile number handy ?'
'Why '
'I haven't got your number '
'It's my personal phone...sorry'
'But what if I need to contact you...haven't you got a company phone ?'
'No....' .......this is all sounding very familiar I thought
'But if I can't contact you......'
Before he finished I continued..
'Sorry, no.....it's my personal phone'

He's a trier

 

[Vantage]

Me: Would you like some cereal to go with your sugar there?
Erin: It came out too fast!
Me: You're using a spoon!
Erin: And???

Kids!

 

[Sandra6]

I baked a cake, but the seive was wet so the icing sugar on the top was a bit heavy handed.
daughter "didn't you learn anything from bake off? you need a muslim and a golf ball"
me - "A muslim?"
daughter -"yes, that's how you do it, with a muslim.
me - how exactly would a person of Islamic faith help me? I think you mean a muslin pet!
daughter - pfft, pot-ay-toes pot -ah- toes

 

[gbb]

Oh fer chrissakes,my FIL can be THE most opinionated, controversial, bigoted beggar I know...but he can good...sometimes
Today....he was annoying. He's reading the Daily Wail, relishing all the stories, giving us his opinion on all of them .
'Here...look, a cyclist got beaten up because he jumped red lights'
'Eh...'
'He jumped a red light and someone beat him up for it'
'Bit much innit ?...I see people jumping red lights all the time, cars, taxis, cyclists....there's millions of cases every week I should think'
Yebbut..(he's getting on his high horse now, something he does so well)...he got caught didn't he'
I'm getting cheesed off now but trying to maintain some sort of acceptance he's just a berk sometimes...
'That's just blooming rubbish, it's a non story, sensationalist rubbish. I can't tell you the amount of people i see jumping lights...I don't go dragging them out their cars and beating them up, the guy's just a nut case that did that....or there's something else about it we don't know'

I think he sensed my irritation....