Give me some dialogue from your day

[Drago]

Me, in a waggish mood to the Lady on the checkout at Morrisons, "excuse me, I couldn't find the extra large condoms."

Checkout lady, for whom a joke was wasted, "oh, don't worry, I'll call someone."

 

[KneesUp]

Seeing this thread, I have just realised I have not spoken to anybody today

Hi Numbnuts, how's things?

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

Younger daughter "ahahafarrhgagahhahajhaj"
Me "what?"
Her "ahahafarrhgagahhahajhaj"
Me "you said that last time and I didn't understand"
Her "AHAHAFARRHGAGAHHAHAJHAJ!!"
Me "that's so much clearer...no"

 

[Saluki]

At work, on Sunday, working on a dragon shaped roller coaster with a child friendly dragony sort of head and face on it. It came to the braking point where it stops, then creeps forward into the station, and on this occasion, made a loud farty sort of noise.
Me to the queue line: Oh, I am so sorry. He (the 'coaster shaped like a dragon) had beans for breakfast.
Child in line: *giggling* Ooooh he did a big trump
Me to child: Yes he did. Naughty dragon trumping like that
Another child (American) turns to her dad and says "Does that mean that the dragon told a lie"?

I might have sniggered a bit

 

[gbb]

We've just moved to new premises so everything's a bit temporary, make do until things get sorted, it's kinda nice and informal there at the moment, the mood is good. At the moment we are just signing in and out manually....
I needed to go into Huntingdon to pick up some bits, I picked up the in/out sheets which are several sheets thick filled with names. I scrolled back to page one and signed out?..
'Ooooh look at you, right on the front page' said our young receptionist.
'I was always at the top of the page ' . I even surprised myself at my instant but corny repartee.
'Ooh, how smooth was that ' she laughed
'Hahaha, i was never smooth'

 

[gbb]

We're lifting some awkward, unbalanced machinery off a lorry. I've done this kind of thing soooooo many times in previous jobs, it's no real problem if you tread slowly and carefully...but it scares some people doing it.
H&S manager is watching.
I'm walking alongside a long conveyor, steadying it, guiding the fork lift driver. I call over to the H&S manager....
'Been doing this all my life...........i only ever dropped 43 pieces of machinery '

He laughed...
'Let's not make it 44 then '

 

[Richard A Thackeray]

Was in the Chemist this morning, & a rather well built woman came in (I'd say 5'5" & probably 16 stone)

She was talking to someone she, presumably, knew
I wasn't listening as such, as I'd called at the paper shop, for 'Cycling Weekly'

"I've been smoking since I was 14, to help me stop eating", said she
The friend said exactly what I was thinking

"Well, Sarah, it's not working is ir!!!!!!!!"

 

[KneesUp]

Out cycling with LittleKnees. She has a helmet on, because she hasn't been riding long, and knocked herself out last week falling off her scooter:

Postman "Where is your helmet? You're setting a bad example"
Me "At home" (hoping to end conversation there)
LittleKnees: "My daddy isn't wearing his because he's been cycling a very very long time, and is very experienced. And we've only been to the shop"

 

[gbb]

Taking a delivery of fork lift trucks today and chatting with the owner driver of a rigid curtain sider. T reg I noticed.
'Is that truck a genuine T reg, that's something like 1998 innit ?'
'Yup, I brought it in 2003, converted it to this axle type....it's, literally just gone over the 1,000,000 km earlier this yeat'
' is that much mileage unusual ?'
'Yes and no. It'd done it's hard work in the first five years, I don't hammer it or carry particually heavy loads, doesn't get stressed, look after it, it's good for plenty more yet'

1,080,000 km was the figure

 

[Maverick Goose]

Seeing this thread, I have just realised I have not spoken to anybody today

to you Numbnuts!

 

[ColinJ]

Support chat with ISP ...

[Technical questions/answers back and forth]

Engineer: Hmmm!

ColinJ: That bad, huh - ha ha!

Engineer: I see errors! I should be able to fix this without sending anyone to look at your line.

ColinJ: Thanks. It will be nice getting 14+ Mb/s again. I have been getting less than 1 recently. Sometimes almost as slow as dial-up used to be!

 

[redvision95]

"I’ve been considering my options for some time, and I’ve decided it’s time for me to move on. I am grateful for the opportunities I’ve found here, but I must give my two weeks notice."

 

[ColinJ]

"I’ve been considering my options for some time, and I’ve decided it’s time for me to move on. I am grateful for the opportunities I’ve found here, but I must give my two weeks notice."

That's a monologue, but good luck anyway!

 

[redvision95]

That's a monologue, but good luck anyway!

I would add what the boss said but it would need to be heavily censored!

 

[redvision95]

Mrs Red : What did you buy on eBay this morning?
Me : Oh nothing big, it's fine.
Mrs Red : If it's another bike you've got to sell the other one.
Me : If I got another girlfriend would that mean I'd have to sell you?
Mrs Red then gave me the death stare. I believe N+1 is worth sleeping on the sofa for the next month.