Give me some dialogue from your day

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Lullabelle

Banana
Location
Midlands UK
This morning the cleaner said 'you've had your hair cut, it looks nice' my reply: I had it cut before Christmas :dry:
Just wish she would get hers cut, not nice finding long dark hairs everywhere :headshake:
 

perplexed

Guru
Location
Sheffield
Last night's 'Pointless' posed the question 'things that may be found at a swimming pool'.

Me: 'Verruca'.

Mrs. P: 'Perverts'.

Neither of our answers were amongst the featured anagrams.
 

Tin Pot

Guru
So far I've had "If you want to", "I don't mind when", "that would be nice" and "you can cancel it if you want".

I'm obviously in terminal trouble.
 

gbb

Squire
Location
Peterborough
We have a weigher/packing machine combination at work, this combination simply isn't efficient, the original management compromised and brought the wrong weigher based on cost.?and the throughput is so poor we've paid ever since.
New manager...
'Colin, look at this weigher it's so slow'
'Yes, we know, it's the wrong combination of machines'
'Yebbut, what if we speed up those flaps, look, they close in about 1/2 a second I reckon we could speed that up'
'Hmmmm, you could but you'd be making a tiny tiny difference overall'
'Yes, and look how slow that product is coming along the vibrator in feed, it's slowing the weigher down'
'It's travelling slow because the indeed needs cleaning'
'Ok, what if we speed the vibrator up'
X
'Be easier and proper just to clean the machine wouldn't it'
'Yebbut, we're not allowed to climb across the machine'

Oh FFS I thought, you're just determined not to have to clean it.

'And there lies the problem 'I said....'the culture is all wrong here which is exactly why I want out and move to the sister company....you're trying all sorts of stuff to gain fractions of seconds when all you have to do is clean the bl00dy machine'

So I sprayed some food grade silicone on the vibrator which is a short cut to doing the job properly...cleaning it...or getting rid of the stickiness. Instantly.....
'There you go, look at the speed the products going now, it's flying....all you have to do is clean it'
'Ok, so what about the flap times etc etc'

I can't tell you the expletives that circled in my mind, cretins, waste of time, fcuk wits etc etc etc are mild. I can't wait to start my new job in a few weeks.
17 years experience and you're just banging your head against a wall trying to educate guys that have just come into the industry.
 

gbb

Squire
Location
Peterborough
Wife: we won't go to restaurant A. We will just go out to the High Street and see how things go.
Me: ok

Later....

Wife: where are we going then?
Me: The High Street like we planned earlier.
Wife: do what you want.
Me: huh?
:wacko:
Schoolboy error :laugh:...she wanted you to make the decision to go to a restaurant, thereby affirming she made the right decision in the first place.
 

Saluki

World class procrastinator
Teeny bit of background. I work outside and today, it was cold and raining. I was wearing base layer top and bottom, thermal lined hiking trousers, hiking boots, works tee shirt, works sweatshirt, works jacket and works waterproof (allegedly) big overcoat.

Chap comes on to the entry point of the ride that I was running.

Him: Excuse me, I need to ask something
Me: Ask away
Him: have you any young and thin operators here as I have an aversion to obese women
Me: Sorry, no

I felt like telling him that I had an aversion to pig ignorant fugly blokes but I bit my tongue.
 
Teeny bit of background. I work outside and today, it was cold and raining. I was wearing base layer top and bottom, thermal lined hiking trousers, hiking boots, works tee shirt, works sweatshirt, works jacket and works waterproof (allegedly) big overcoat.

Chap comes on to the entry point of the ride that I was running.

Him: Excuse me, I need to ask something
Me: Ask away
Him: have you any young and thin operators here as I have an aversion to obese women
Me: Sorry, no

I felt like telling him that I had an aversion to pig ignorant fugly blokes but I bit my tongue.

What an appalling thing for him to say.

I wish I'd been in the queue behind him - he'd think twice before coming out with anything similar again.

You did well to keep your cool.

Kudos.

Graham.
 

NorthernDave

Never used Über Member
Teeny bit of background. I work outside and today, it was cold and raining. I was wearing base layer top and bottom, thermal lined hiking trousers, hiking boots, works tee shirt, works sweatshirt, works jacket and works waterproof (allegedly) big overcoat.

Chap comes on to the entry point of the ride that I was running.

Him: Excuse me, I need to ask something
Me: Ask away
Him: have you any young and thin operators here as I have an aversion to obese women
Me: Sorry, no

I felt like telling him that I had an aversion to pig ignorant fugly blokes but I bit my tongue.

That's a like for handling the idiot with dignity.
 

gbb

Squire
Location
Peterborough
My 86, nearly 87 year old mum on the phone....
'Colin, did you remember it was your dad's birthday today '
'Eh....no, I forgot....sorry mum'

Mum and my late dad's birthdays were close together but I thought mums came first. I'm terrible for birthdays so I wasn't surprised I forgot.
Mum...
'Don't worry Col, can you get Debra to light a (virtual) candle on his memorial page for us all'
'Course I will mum'

After hanging up...
'Debra, that was mum, can you log on dad's page a light a candle, we forgot dad's birthday'
'Wha ???, dad's birthday is the 19th March, not February ^_^'

Shortly after on the phone...
'Mum, it's dad's birthday in March, not February :tongue:'
'Eh...oh gawd....:wacko:'
'Don't worry mum, we'll do one in March :smile:'
 

Saluki

World class procrastinator
What an appalling thing for him to say.

I wish I'd been in the queue behind him - he'd think twice before coming out with anything similar again.

You did well to keep your cool.

Kudos.

Graham.

That's a like for handling the idiot with dignity.

We get a lot of idiots at work. Many folks on their hols seem to think that they are entitled to be rude to people that- in their little minds - have a menial job. I would like to see some of them do our job on a busy day. It's not highbrow but most of us have degrees. Bless and release is the only way to deal with the idiots.
 
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