Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

Day off work today, good bike ride then prepared some bolognese for tea when my wife comes in from work...
As I picked her up,,,,
'Bolognese for tea, I used the 5% fat mince'
'What sauce did you use ?'
'Dolmio'
'Sorry ...i have the pasata...and tbh, im too hot to eat'
'Ok, no problem'

2 minutes later i picked up the phone to my son who lives in the next street..
'I know the girls (grandaughters) have just finished school...do you want some bolognese for them, save cooking ?'
'Yer...lovely'

And so we walked up the street, pan of bolognese in hand

 

[palinurus]

I'm working with a new R&D project manager at the moment.

'What does TBA mean?'

- To be arranged?

'I asked Neil and he said the thickness of the coating was TBA'

- Did he perhaps say 'NTBA'?

'Maybe'

*sighs*

- Nine-tenths of bugger-all.

 

[Rickshaw Phil]

The first samples of a new product arrived at work today and I needed to discuss a couple of issues with the boss........

Boss: They promised me that the packaging and instructions would be in three languages.

Me: It is in three languages. It's just that none of them is English.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

The first samples of a new product arrived at work today and I needed to discuss a couple of issues with the boss:

Boss: They promised me that the packaging and instructions would be in three languages.

Me: It is in three languages. It's just that none of them is English.

A mini Brexit!

 

[gbb]

The weekly compliance/conformance team caught us out this morning...so I filled l out a form with the non conformance type, reason, investigation and correction to be made.
All very minor, but i filled in a photocopied blank form i printed out a couple weeks ago. As I handed it in....
'oh, you've filled out the wrong form'
'eh, thats the non conformance form innit ?'
'its the old version...you shouldnt have old copies, you shouldn't have any copies to prevent this happening '
'in that case, should i get a non conformance...for using the wrong non conformance form '

The worlds going mad, all we did was leave the door open and didnt fill in one day on the cleaning schedule.

 

[fimm]

There's a Dutch chap who cycles to our office (he's lived in Britain so long he wears hi vis...)
Dutch chap: I was cycling round The Hague trying to navigate with a sat nav and it was a disaster because the thing couldn't say any of the street names correctly...
Me: - fine if you only speak English but completely confusing if you know how the words should be said?
Him: exactly...

 

[NorthernDave]

Got back from my ride at lunchtime and was just wheeling the bike in from the ginnel when the couple who live behind us (other side of the ginnel) were just coming out. Bear in mind I'm pushing the bike through our gate, and I'm wearing lycra bib shorts, a cycling jersey, cycling helmet and cycling mitts at this point

Me: Hiya, you two alright?
Them: Fine thanks - have you been on a bike ride?
Me: What made you think that..?

 

[rvw]

A colleague wanders by, complaining about being bothered by someone called Maria:

Me: "So is she a bit of a problem then?"
Stan: "She got given my card at a conference, and I only found out later it was to get her off someone else's back"
Me: "So how will you solve this problem called Maria?"
Stan:

 

[gbb]

As I walked into the bar earlier, the Spanish waiters were huddled round a TV while they had a quiet moment, one saw me coming and immediately left to serve me, fist pumping at the Nadal game. He was full of it, we passed a few words, I suggested it would be a Murray Nadal final.

'Has he won the match or just a game ?' I asked.
'Not the match, but he will have no problem, Del Potro is lower in the rankings'

Some time later I sat there watching the news and thought...oh dear.

 

[gbb]

Sat next to my wife who started sniggering while reading a Facebook post...
'Haha, listen to this'
'Wassat ?'
She read the following...
'During labour, the pain is so great a woman can almost understand what it feels like when a man has a cold'

Hahaha

 

[Scoosh]

Phone call earlier:

[Indian sounding voice]
"Peter" calling from 'Today's Habits ...'
Me - Why ?
P - we are ....
Me - Have you heard about the Telephone Preference Service ?
P - "No"
Me - What country are you calling from ?
P - India
Me - Oh, whereabouts ? Bangalore, Mumbai ? I used to live and work in India.
P - No it's Kolkotta
Me - You have not heard of the TPS ?
P - No, I have not
Me - [gives explanation of TPS]
P - Oh
Me - So you need to think about the job you are doing. I know you are a young man wanting to earn some money but what you are doing is illegal in this country, it is unethical and it is not honourable for you to be doing
P - Goodbye

 

[Buck]

Mrs Buck - "I bet you're going on a bike ride today aren't you?"
Me - "Yup!"

 

[Saluki]

Customer: excuse me but where are the camels? My daughter can't find them.
Me: we don't have any camels. Llamas, pigs, emus but no camels.
Customer: you are called Camel Creek. Why are there no camels?
Me: *explained about the River Camel running past and the creek that runs down to our valley area*
Customer: that's a con. I am going to ask for a refund.
Me: OK then. Shop at the top of the hill.

 

[Rezillo]

Their day out on the Camel Trail should be interesting........

 

[Saluki]

Their day out on the Camel Trail should be interesting........

It crossed my mind that they should not visit New York. They will be properly disappointed there.