Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

Me to my son on the phone...
'Hello mate, got some bad news I'm afraid, one of the lizards is dead
'Oh...are you sure'
'Yeah, its upside down, not breathing and quite cold'
'Hmmm, its done that before, we put it right way up and its recovered...it is old so I'm not surprised'
'What do you want me to do, I dont want the girls (our beloved grandaughters) to come home to a shock'
'Turn it the right way up and I'll deal with it when I get home tonight, the girls will be ok, they knew it was getting old'

Ive been looking after their pets while theyv'e been away, Max the dog has stayed at ours and ive popped in each day to feed the bearded dragons.
So I went back and put max in his crate and phoned my son...
'Hiya Kev....do the girls know whats happened ?'
'No, I havnt said anything yet'
'Good....cos there's been a resurrection...bloody things sat there looking at me now
'Ah well...lets see if it survives, its doing that more and more'
'Ok mate, see you later'

So as i got ready to leave his, i heard some movement from the lizard tank....the bloomin thing is nearly upside down again . I uprighted it and left it to it till son comes home.

 

[gbb]

Banter....
Dave, our young apprentice was late this morning, he joined us as I was writing up the jobsheet for a breakdown Jamie and my self had just completed.
I got to the column that requires the attending engineers names, I wrote ...and spoke aloud what I was writing...
'Yeah, thats Colin and Jamie' as I wrote our names...and continued writing without looking up at Dave....'but NOT Dave....'
Dave looked up, bemused...
'cos he was late'

...

 

[ufkacbln]

One of our patients asked about a sample. so we offered to save them the journey and send it up with ours

Porter arrived and patient's husband commented...

Look he is taking the Pi$$

 

[Cubist]

To set the scene we are in a classroom on a pre-retirement and resettlement course. Three really nice folk are giving us a presentation on the benefits of belonging to the National Association of Retired Police Officers. The remote is playing up for the laptop PowerPoint t, so one is pressing the remote while another one is hitting the return key on the laptop. Their presentation is informative, albeit not very entertaining, but the remote issue is causing a giggle or two, so all is not lost.

They list the holiday benefits, such as a rent free Villa in Italy, some discounted cruises plus an extra discount if you are prepared to deliver a lecture or a craft demo whilst on board. Interest starting to flag when my ears prick up:

NARPO rep "Highlight of the year is our long weekend to a hotel in Southport"
Cubist (just a wee bit too loud) "Kill me now."

 

[Saluki]

"I rang my bell a lot and you wouldn't get out of my way."

Said to me by the grockle on a hire bike, on the pavement, who ran into the back of me this morning. Cycle path 1 foot over to the right.

"I am on holiday and I can ride where I ******* like"

I decided not to make comment. 2nd time I've been ridden into by a grockle in 2 days. Can't wait for summer!

 

[Maverick Goose]

"I rang my bell a lot and you wouldn't get out of my way."

Said to me by the grockle on a hire bike, on the pavement, who ran into the back of me this morning. Cycle path 1 foot over to the right.

"I am on holiday and I can ride where I ******* like"

I decided not to make comment. 2nd time I've been ridden into by a grockle in 2 days. Can't wait for summer!

ISTR the law says otherwise-hope you're ok

 

[Saluki]

ISTR the law says otherwise-hope you're ok

I am fine peeved off more than anything. What does ISTR mean please?

 

[jhawk]

So, some years ago - about five years ago - a friend baked some cookies for me and sent them to me in a plastic container.

I have kept that plastic container, having forgotten to send it back - it has been used and well maintained. So, today, having remembered that it was actually her container, I sent her a picture of it on Facebook.

"Remember this?"

"Send that back to me, you THIEF!"

"I'm going to bake some cookies for you and send them in that container. You may keep the container."

"I'd sure hope so. Because it's MINE."

Container-napping successful.

 

[jhawk]

I am fine peeved off more than anything. What does ISTR mean please?

International Society for Third Sector Research, Google says so and Google is never wrong.

 

[Rezillo]

To set the scene we are in a classroom on a pre-retirement and resettlement course. Three really nice folk are giving us a presentation on the benefits of belonging to the National Association of Retired Police Officers. The remote is playing up for the laptop PowerPoint t, so one is pressing the remote while another one is hitting the return key on the laptop. Their presentation is informative, albeit not very entertaining, but the remote issue is causing a giggle or two, so all is not lost.

I went on a similar course four years ago. It was actually pretty good - bit of a shame that the first HR course that I went on that was any good was my last one but there you go. Anyway, there was lots on money management, future employment, the psychological effects of retirement etc. etc.

The last session was about exercise and it began with a slide of a list of various exercise activities. At the foot of the list was gentle walking and above it in order some increasingly strenuous activities. At the top was "Cycling at an average speed of 16mph or greater". The tutor began by pointing at the top of the list and saying, "Well, of course none of you will be doing this, so.......er....Mr Rezillo, you have your hand up?"

 

[ColinJ]

International Society for Third Sector Research, Google says so and Google is never wrong.

I Seem To Remember that that is wrong!


Here are 2 little dialogues from my day ...


#1 At local council office support desk. (Explanation: My hair is going grey and so is my designer stubble!)

Council Woman: Good afternoon, Mister Fox.

ColinJ: Sorry, my name is NOT Fox!

Council Woman, muttering under breath: Damn - The Silver Fox, NOT Mister Fox!

ColinJ: Did you just call me 'The Silver Fox'!

Council Woman (looking very embarrassed): I'm terribly sorry!

ColinJ, Council Woman:



#2 I encountered a man I know who is in his late 60s and stopped for a chat.

ColinJ: Hi there, long time, no see - how are you?

Oldie: Good, Great, Ferkin' Marvellous actually!

ColinJ: Ah, I heard about your recent cataract operation!

Oldie: Col, I had gone almost blind, and now I can see again. In fact, I have been really short-sighted since I was about 6 years old so this the best vision that I have had in over 60 years. Everything looks fantastic. I keep going outside my front door just to read the number plates of cars at the end of my road, I couldn't even see the cars before! BRILLIANT!!!!

He was just a bit pleased with the NHS ...

 

[jhawk]

Me, to a friend.

"Your handbag looks like a single-slice toaster!" I later told my Dad what I'd said. He remarked,

"It's no wonder you're still single."

 

[jhawk]

Cooking chicken the other night.

Dad: "You've put too much oil in that... So I imagine the Americans will be here any moment..."

 

[Saluki]

I popped to the local co-op for milk and was taking milk out of the cooler cupboard. 2 giggly teenaged girls came around the corner and just walked into me. No apology, nothing. The were filming themselves with a phone on a pole.
Me: oy. What are you doing? ( in slightly annoyed tone having been trodden on)
Them : we're filmin with this. It's called a selfie stick (in sarky tone)
Me: It's a narcissistic
Co-op woman: Boom!

 

[Maverick Goose]

I am fine peeved off more than anything. What does ISTR mean please?

That's good to hear- I Seem To Recall.