Give me some dialogue from your day

[slowmotion]

Consultant: "It's a completely harmless condition that has no known cause or cure, but it certainly has nothing to do with anything sinister."
Me: "How long might it last?"
Consultant: " It might last for the rest of your life or it might disappear tomorrow. Anyway, I'll write to your GP and put his mind at rest."
Me: " Personally, I wasn't that concerned about his worries."

 

[gbb]

Three of us sat drinking coffee, wife, sons gf and myself. Sons gf suddenly jumped as she spilled a drop of coffe down her front...
'How did that happen '..As she looked at the cup.
'Cups ok...you got a hole in the bottom of your lip'....I replied without thinking.

She involentarily put her fingers to her bottom lip and felt...then instantly realised what she'd done....

All of us....

 

[fimm]

Boyfriend is reading out the weather forecast from his phone
B/F: Wednesday 13 degrees, Thursday 14 degrees, Friday 15, Saturday 21...
Me: Ooooh, nice
B/F: No, Saturday is the 21st...
Both of us

 

[gbb]

Fustrations and politics at work...
Packaging controller to me..
'Colin, don't you think you guys (maintenance dept) should be involved in the new punnet tooling with the suppliers ?'
'Not really, it doesnt need our input'
'But we don't know how long it will take them to make the tooling, whether the film will match, what size etc etc etc'
'None of that really concerns us..if someone did ask us, we wouldnt know and would have to ask someone else...like New Product Development (hint hint)...so they might as well not bother with us and go to...New Product Development' ( she might now get the message).
'Oh, ok'

Slippery or slopy shoulders, always looking to spread her work somewhere else and seek help from anyone and everyone. Sod off and do your own work. Nice girl but after 2 years she really should be taking responsibility for her job. She's out of her depth I reckon.


Later, ive been asked to look at a problem on a machine. I no sooner get there and can see the film is on wrong. Its not relevent to the problem (probably) but lets get everything right then look further.
Supervisor...
'No, no, its not the film'
'I know its probably not but it wants putting right'
'No...its not that..you dont need to change that'
'If you want me to fix the machine, leave me to it...or I can just go back to the workshop if you like '
He turned and walked off....on you go, let me do my job eh.

And while criticising others, you realise yyou're not perfect....
'Colin, have you changed the tube on xxx machine ?'
'Errrrr.....iI'll go do it now'...( 1 hour late)

 

[gbb]

Decorating most of the day (although I didn't wake up till 10am ) so the dog has been kept cooped up in the living room.
Later today....I call out...
'Peg...' AKA Jake, aka jake the chocolate labrador, he runs through, all i do is open a drawer to get some poop bags....
'wooof wooof wooof..' and starts going mental .

So i walk him to the grandaughters and ask...
'Are you coming to walk peg and max (their border collie)
Girls....
Peg, on meeting Max...
Max, who's just mental anyway...

Two dogs charge around the field, you quickly realise max just wants to play, Jake just wants to run and sniff everything.
Enter Max (Bichon Frize) and Terry (old pal)...
2 minutes more dog frenzy with each other ...then Max (bichon frize) clearly decided he'd rather sit and watch.

Enter another border collie (name and owner unknown)
2 minutes more ...then he also decides he's had enough and would rather chase the ball his owner is throwing..

4 dogs no doubt went home and had a good lie down

 

[jhawk]

Tim- Hmmm, I don't trust that Kenya
Me- What?
Tim- Kenya, all this nuclear stuff
Me- North Korea Tim.....
Tim- Erm,..... Oh.

Luckily he isn't a world leader with a finger on a button!

 

[Profpointy]

Female colleague "Stop playing with your balls"
Me "I'm not playing. It's therapy"
I have a set of therapy gel balls to get my hand working properly again after I broke my wrist.

Keeping them in your pocket whilst exercising was the problem

 

[gbb]

Oh jesus...when you ring a specialist wholesaler, you assume they really should have some product knowledge...
Me...
'Hiay xxxx, can you get me a pack of 20x5, 3.15amp fast blow fuses.
'Eh, sorry ?'
'Fuses, 20x5mm, 3.15amp, probably glass, fast blow...they'll have an F on them, come in packs of 10'
'...Like 13 amp fuses but 3.15amp ?'
'No, smaller than plugtop fuses, usually glass, theyre 20mm long, 5mm diameter'
''

I'm losing the will to live now..........'is Steve there ?, he'll know ...'
'I'll pass you over '

The original description really is simple if you know electronics...and he really should know that.

 

[Tin Pot]

"This is not supportive behaviour."

 

[Crackle]

"I don't like taking passengers because my good ear is on the wrong side and I don't want to look around to hear what they're saying"

 

[Houthakker]

Someone was trying to,organise a sweepstake for the Euro's today.
One of the girls in HR said "I don't know anything about the Euros. Is it like the world cup only crapper?"

 

[gbb]

'Times like this I wish we had two dogs'
'Oh no you don't' replied my wife...
Looking after our sons border collie, quite young, quite skinny and long legged. Our Lab is stocky and a good bit bigger, though older.
Theyve been for a 3/4 hour walk/run...now home and half an hour later they're laid on the floor wrestling, mock biting each other, rolling, grunting, growling, just having a great time together. At one stage, Jake our Lab, had Maxs entire head in his mouth. Wished I'd had a camera at that moment...

 

[gbb]

'They're nice looking pyjamas, have you just brought them ?'
'No...they're the ones you brought me for christmas'...with that telling look in her eye.

'oh........told you i had a good eye.

As she walked off...

 

[subaqua]

wifey : why are there loads of clothes all over the bed
Me: i dunno , I have been away since 20th May you were the last one here on Friday
Wifey: I didn't leave them on the bed
Me: well it must have been a burglar then as you were last person here . dont blame me for this one.

 

[marknotgeorge]

Whilst eating lunch at the visitors centre near Derwent dam yesterday, the girls were discussing a breeding pair of mallards loitering about for scraps:
Mad Scientist: That must be the female because she's got lipstick on. [Your guess is as good as mine.]
Drama Queen: No, the brightly coloured one is the male.
MS: Then why is he wearing lipstick?
DQ: Because he's fabulous!