Give me some dialogue from your day

[Saluki]

They say little things please little minds..
Maybe 20 years ago, Daniel O'Donell appeared on GMTV or similar. My wife loves him...I dont.
As I was watching it occurred to me his jacket was buttoned incorrectly, leaving one side higher than the other. He appeared blissfully unaware. I guffawed and laughed, my wife huffed and puffed.
Tonight, the wife is watching Strictly and I heard his name mentioned...
'Lets hope he's learned to get dressed properly eh'...I snook in.
The wife didnt reply but she heard..she sat stony faced looking at the TV, I'm starting to snort and giggle

'You're such a d1ckhead'....
'Oh I've got years of that left yet'..

I used to groom a dog at a Daniel O'Donnell Fan's house. They would see him 4 or 5 times a year and their record (CD) collection was only his music. Pictures of him everywhere, fridge magnets, calendars etc. They always got front row seats. Sounded like stalking to me but there you go. They always got the VIP meet and greet tickets, had gazillions of autographs framed and up around the place. They would play his CDs for me while I was grooming Do you know how fast you can groom a Lhasa Apso, when you really need to get a wiggle on? 39 minutes at a push!
I'd never heard of him until I started grooming that dog. They offered me one of his CDs as a Christmas tip, if I wanted it.

 

[Saluki]

Neighbour: Are you murdering Billy Jean down there?
Me: No.
Neighbour: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. I'm murdering Beat It.
Neighbour: Can you hurry up and get good at it please?
Me: I'll do my best. I can offer you some Toto in the meantime if you like?
Neighbour: The dog who's not in Kansas any more?
Me:

 

[gbb]

I used to groom a dog at a Daniel O'Donnell Fan's house......
I'd never heard of him until I started grooming that dog. They offered me one of his CDs as a Christmas tip, if I wanted it.

Wha !!!! and you didnt accept their generous offer ........

 

[Saluki]

Wha !!!! and you didnt accept their generous offer ........

Errr. No. I know that had I done that, the entire back catalogue of The Manic Street Preachers would have grown legs and moved out.

 

[annedonnelly]

On the staff radio at the museum: "Has anyone got the keys to the Mouse House? A child's been sick on the cheese."

 

[HertzvanRental]

One day in my workshop, a lady called.
"Do you make doors?"
"Yes, I said"
"Oh, good! I want a window!!"

 

[gbb]

Just watching something on tv reminded me...I walked the dog yesterday, I came in and within 20 seconds shouted.....
'Aaaghhhhhh'
'What's happening ?'..called the wife.
'I just scalded my hand under the tap'
'Why ?'
'Washing dog poo off my finger' '

Next lot of poop bags need to be bigger....or I need to get a smaller dog...or feed him less.

 

[ColinJ]

Next lot of poop bags need to be bigger....or I need to get a smaller dog...or feed him less.

Could you please tell that to the selfish owner of the evidently horse-sized dog which is allowed to leave crap on the pavement outside my house and that of my neighbour! Today, for the 3rd time in about a month there were mounds of the damn stuff out there ...

I feel my veneer of civilisation slowly being stripped back by this. If I catch the owner walking away from another steaming pile of sh*t from their hound I would find it hard to resist the impulse to drag them back and force them into it!

 

[Drago]

"Sergeant Farquhar, why is your bicycle in the office leaning up against your desk?"

"Well, it's because Sergeant Jameson won't let me lean it on his desk..."

Suffice to say that 60 seconds later it was back in its usual spot stashed in the cleaners cupboard. That I was the only person working in the office that day so it posed zero risk to any one was neither here nor there. The duty supernintendo had spoken. That'll teach me for tutoring him when the joined the job!

 

[captain nemo1701]

Cycling home amongst utter gridlock in Bristol last night, I had an amusing encounter. The city centre was basically wall to wall traffic due to the failure of the light phasing system. Of course, it didn't really affect me on the bike, just seemed to be a lot more sad & frustrated people sitting in cars. Anyway, as I approached the entrance to the Bristol Railway Path another male cyclist pulled alongside:

Cyclist (having noted the jams); Is it Ok to feel smug?

Me (after a nanosecond thought): Yep

 

[Chromatic]

Errr. No. I know that had I done that, the entire back catalogue of The Manic Street Preachers would have grown legs and moved out.

Every cloud........

 

[Saluki]

Every cloud........

Nooooo. I love the Manics. Have done since the first release of You Love Us, before they were really heard of. Wow 241/2 years ago now.

 

[Ganymede]

I have my side-axe out and am trimming up some freshly-cut hazel rods.

Mr G: er... is that a project of some sort?
Me: Yup.
Mr G: er... dare I ask?
Me: Why yes of course. I am making a mobile phone out of wattle and daub.
Mr G: OK.

 

[mustang1]

Mustang, let's have a meeting today about 4pm?
Suuuuure.
Later, at 4pm....
Mustang, where are you?
Uhm, bike shop.

 

[grumpyoldwoman]

Decided to hop on my bike and have a ride along the sea front today,almost wish I hadn't!
Me: Do you not look before you cross the road?
Pedestrian: This road is meant for buses only! I didn't hear you.
Me: (pointing to highly visible sign stating buses/taxi/disabled/cyclists only) So you don't look at road signs as well as not looking before crossing a ROAD?
Pedestrian: Road signs are only for traffic,not pedestrians.
I was rendered speechless by this time.....very unusual for me!