Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

Guy, as he passed my wife on her bike last night...
'Sorry to bother you, can I ask where you got that bike light and how much it was ?'
'Sorry, I don't know how much it cost but my husband built it himself'
'Its the best one ive seen, brilliant, I'd love something like that'..he said as he rode off.

A woman once did exactly the same to me with my twin to the wifes light....
Twin Cree or XML (cant remember the spec now) LEDs, probably 2 watt total, gives a lovely 10 ft plus of bright light and plenty of overspill for the perifery.

 

[Ganymede]

A comment from a friend this week about Dear Old Deaf Demented Dad.

"You know, I never really knew your Dad - I only met him a few times and it was when he was old and had dementia. But that funeral you and your sisters gave him made me feel like I had known him all his life."

 

[gavgav]

Overhearing a colleague's telephone conversation at work today.

I'll cut to the main points:-

Mark - "is there a possibility you will still be treated in our area, though, as Aberdovey is only 2 hours away"

Person on the other end of the phone responds.....

Mark - "oh sorry, Abu Dhabi, I thought you said Aberdovey!!

He then struggled to carry out the remainder of the conversation due to his and our laughter

 

[ColinJ]

[At the Greyhound Rescue charity shop in Todmorden today ...]

ColinJ: How much is this? [A full size, fully adjustable camera tripod which was in excellent condition and looked like it would cost at least £30-40 new.]

Shop woman: It is part of that telescope.

ColinJ: No, it isn't - that has its own tripod. This is a camera tripod.

Woman, looking at it: Oh, er ... £8?

ColinJ: I don't have that much money on me and I don't want to pay that much. [It was worth £8 but I don't have an immediate need for it.] £5?

Woman: Ok!



I also bought a copy of "Fermat's Last Therorem" for 50p. That looks like it will be an interesting read. I'll donate it back to them after I have finished with it.

PS If anybody wants a rather large refracting telescope, they currently have one in the Greyhound Rescue shop in Todmorden for £30! If I lived on top of a hill away from light pollution I would have bought it myself. I don't drive though and it is too big too move to such spots without a vehicle.

 

[gbb]

A conversation with three east european ladies...
'Colin, that thing you just fix-ed, what is it ?'
'Its very strong chemical, sulphuric acid'
'No no, what is the mans toilet called please ?'
'Errr, the toilet'
'No, the toilet you just fix-ed'
'Oh, you mean the urinal'
..'URRR I NAL'

Three of them start giggling and trying to reproduce the word...
'Urrr i nal, what kind of word is that !!!, please, write it for me'
So i do and continue...
'Ok, so you go pee or wee, mens and ladies same, called urine, when we have wee test when we go doctors, its called urine test. Mans toilet on the wall is called urinal.
'Ohhhhh'

And so they wander off, studying the peice of paper with urinal written on it, chatting away in...Russian probably.
Even i occasionally resort to pidgeon english without realising it.

 

[vernon]

Mrs Vernon: "Are you definitely retiring?"
Me: "Definitely"
Mrs Vernon: "We once talked about a big trip - should we do it?"
Me: "Where're we going to go? Where're we going to go. Where're we going to go?"
Mrs Vernon: "Be less dog! We can start by listing places we want to go to."
Me: "Mablethorpe is in for one hell of a surprise!"
Mrs Vernon: "I'd like to think you're joking. You are joking? Aren't you?"
Me: "I might be...."

 

[gbb]

Occasionally you forget who you're talking tp....we're suffering a lot of fork lift damqge at the moment...its a destruction derby...
Me, in the warehouse office...
'Yeah, the control panel is knackered, after the door was hit, some plank ripped out the wires and probably shorted something.....the destruction derby continues '
Then i realised the guy im talking to is the guy who hit the door in the first place

He took it well

 

[vernon]

A snippet of this morning's conversation with my son about his band's gig last night.

Me: "How was the gig?"
Son: "Good. It was the biggest crowd that we've played to in 'The Library'. The headlining band weren't as slick as I expected after touring for a year."
Me: "So your band was better?"
Son: "I wouldn't say that. They did have a good merch(andise) stall - they nicked that idea from us. They were selling home made cakes"
Me: "What about your merch stand?"
Son: "We forgot it but we did have a blow up doll."

Conversation terminated due to uncontrollable giggles.

 

[gbb]

'Hoho '...i involountary said to myself as i got in my car this morning at 06.00. A large shooting star shot overhead, you could see the firey trail behind it and it broke up into maybe 4 pieces them immediately fizzled out All that in maybe 1 or 2 seconds.

Some years ago i was out night cycling and a huge shooting star almost seemed to fly across the sky like a fireball, the biggest ive ever seen. That lasted maybe 3 or 4 seconds. I often wonder where the debris fell some miles ahead.

 

[Globalti]

Self to security guard at the deserted back of the very extensive compound in my Lagos hotel:

"So how can you be sure those Boko Haram guys won't come round through the bush and climb over this wall?"

Guard: "Ah, Sir, we are here to assure your safety"

Self: "So is there somebody here at night?"

Guard: "Yes sir, I am here!

Self: "You don't sleep?"

Guard "No sir I am doing my exercise to assure your safety!"

Self: "But If was a terrorist I wouldn't come through the front gate, I'd come round through the bush and just knock down this thin cement block wall!"

Guard: "No Sir they won't do that!"

Self: "Hmmmmmmm......"

(Boko Haram threatened to attack a Sheraton in Nigeria some months ago. Hotel has improved security at the front gate but not round the back.)

 

[ColinJ]

Self to security guard at the deserted back of the very extensive compound in my Lagos hotel:

"So how can you be sure those Boko Haram guys won't come round through the bush and climb over this wall?"

Guard: "Ah, Sir, we are here to assure your safety"

Self: "So is there somebody here at night?"

Guard: "Yes sir, I am here!

Self: "You don't sleep?"

Guard "No sir I am doing my exercise to assure your safety!"

Self: "But If was a terrorist I wouldn't come through the front gate, I'd come round through the bush and just knock down this thin cement block wall!"

Guard: "No Sir they won't do that!"

Self: "Hmmmmmmm......"

(Boko Haram threatened to attack a Sheraton in Nigeria some months ago. Hotel has improved security at the front gate but not round the back.)

Maybe it would be better to sleep under the bed in case anybody bursts in during the night ...?

 

[gbb]

Me to my wife via text...
'I WAS just going to eat my apple out of my packup in my bag..but a mouse beat me to it, the little b'stard'
A while later she replied..
'You better make sure it doesnt come home with you '
I replied..
'Little fecker isnt even scared, he's just run across the doorway...he's gonna get it'

Our workshop looks out over the fens. Its very open and the doors are open all the time. Hes getting too brave...afraid its the pest controllers next week...especially after my colleague saw him on our desk twice today .

 

[Scoosh]

...afraid its the pest controllers next week...especially after my colleague saw him on our desk twice today .

No need for pest control - get a mousetrap and bait it with some chocolate.

SNAP ! Job's a good 'un.

Roasting on a spit is optional but you'll need thick bread ...

 

[gbb]

They say little things please little minds..
Maybe 20 years ago, Daniel O'Donell appeared on GMTV or similar. My wife loves him...I dont.
As I was watching it occurred to me his jacket was buttoned incorrectly, leaving one side higher than the other. He appeared blissfully unaware. I guffawed and laughed, my wife huffed and puffed.
Tonight, the wife is watching Strictly and I heard his name mentioned...
'Lets hope he's learned to get dressed properly eh'...I snook in.
The wife didnt reply but she heard..she sat stony faced looking at the TV, I'm starting to snort and giggle

'You're such a d1ckhead'....
'Oh I've got years of that left yet'..

 

[Scoosh]

'Oh I've got years of that left yet'..

You're mean !

DON'T MESS WITH gbb !