Give me some dialogue from your day

[Saluki]

My dad was blind, I can understand how occasionally people may not realise someone might be...but the remainder of his thought process beggars belief

Bless him. I think that he was still processing that our tall, blonde, Viking like teacher is registered blind. He was probably wondering how he reads TAB and it came out all wrong

 

[Lullabelle]

I had a phone call at work today from a young female:
Her: hello, my name is ****** and the company is ** vending, I don't know if you have heard of us at all
Me: yes, we had a contract with you that expired in June this year, we are now with someone else
Her: may I ask why you didn't want to stay with us?
Me: the drinks were horrible
Her: oh, erm I am actually quite new to the company, were there any other issues that couldn't be resolved?
Me: no, the simple fact is we had the machines, they were fine, ingredients were changed and the drinks were not good so we complained, we were given the original drinks, the ingredients were changed again, we complained but were told that they couldn't be changed back because *** were no longer using those so what we had is what they served, the drinks were so bad everyone refused to buy them so when the contract was up we went somewhere else.
Her: oh ok, erm so you said this June and you have a new machine from someone else
Me: yes
Her: ok fine so you won't be looking for a drinks supplier for a while then
Me: no and to be honest we wouldn't go with *** again.
Her: ok thank you for your time today

I wasn't 'funny' with her just honest, the stuff was pretty rank, sludge

 

[Maverick Goose]

Overheard on Pike of Stickle recently...this family were just cracking me up...
''Let's do a selfie''
''Your chin always looks massive in selfies''
''They're called melfies anyway''
''ATTICUS! EDEN! STAY AWAY FROM THE EDGE''!

 

[Lullabelle]

This evening I was on the phone chatting to my dad and the conversation turned to my sister

Dad: last time I was there she was sat on the sofa with the parrot on her shoulder shi**ing everywhere
Me: I assume you mean the parrot
Dad:, oh yes, that didn't come out quite right did it
Me:

 

[vernon]

Me to a female colleague walking towards me:

Me: "Greetings oh thin one"
Her: "You know what? A friend of mine said I've got a big bum. Have I?
Me: "It's not as big as mine"
Her, laughing: "Thanks for nothing!"

 

[gbb]

Just had a few days off. I'd normally end up doing some DIY but TBH im tired and work has been mental now for a year...I just want to rest and slob out.
My daughter was visiting, we were all sat in the spare room. She cast an eye round the room and said...
'When are you doing this room then ?'
Me (with mock shock, horror, indignation)
'Whaaa, what the bloody hell did you wanna say that for '
Daughter....
...'Nooo, i just thought it was due a change'
Me...pointing to the door..
'Bugger off...go on, get out'

We all sat there...

 

[fimm]

Colleague usually does a bike - train - bike commute (with a Brompton). He comes into the office this morning:
Colleague: Morning
Me: Morning
C: How are you?
M: Fine, how are you?
C: <big sigh> I don't know why I choose to drive to work. I think "It will be better" and it never is...

 

[Saluki]

Today I had to ring the numpties at Virgin. You know the ones who call themselves the 'Customer Service' people (should be done under the trades discription act, right there)

Customer service woman: Hello my name is Mary Beth, I have to inform you that we record all calls.
Me: Yup. Me too
CSW: Whaddaya mean?
Me: I record these calls too.
CSW: You can't do that.
Me: You do.
CSW: That's different.
Me: How?
CSW: It just is.
Me: Why?
CSW: Why What?
Me: Why is it different?
CSW: It just is, OK Stop recording me
Me: OK
CSW: You are still recording, aren't you?
Me: Noooooooo (in a tone that really meant 'yes')
Line went click burrrrrrr

I'll write to them.

 

[Tin Pot]

"Yeah, I need to speak to management about that. We...we don't have a policy on working from home."

FFS.

 

[gbb]

TVs on in the background, I'm not really watching it but just glanced up to see an advert with a sloth on a sofa, I think with a woman leant over the sofa back, cuddling the sloth...no idea what its about....
Me..like a spoiled kid....
'I wanna sloth'
Wife....


'

 

[Profpointy]

TVs on in the background, I'm not really watching it but just glanced up to see an advert with a sloth on a sofa, I think with a woman leant over the sofa back, cuddling the sloth...no idea what its about....
Me..like a spoiled kid....
'I wanna sloth'
Wife....


'

I assume she replied "I don't want another one"

 

[jhawk]

Chatting with a friend, solving the world's problems.

Me: "The lazy Susan dining table ornament."

Her: "I'm sorry?"

Me: "Begs the question, just how little did that woman get done in her life that her laziness is now forever immortalized in home furniture?"

Her: "You raise great questions! Like, "lukewarm water." Who was Luke? Why was he so warm?"

Me: "Or Catherine wheel! What possessed Catherine to set her wheels on fire?!"

Her (She's a science Major): "Or, degrees Kelvin. Was he extremely attractive, or did he catch himself the worst fever in history!"

Many more ensued. The last one being Adam's apple. "Imagine that," I said, "Imagine being the first man on earth - naked - and the only legacy you've left behind is that of the lump in your throat! "

She burst out laughing and we decided to stop trying to solve those particular world problems...

 

[Rickshaw Phil]

I'm in the midst of the annual stock take at work and noticed something odd about a few of the parts I was checking off:

Me: These have been bagged up wrong. The description says left hand grip but they look like throttle grips to me.
C: Let's see....... Oh b*****, they are.
Me: We've only had them in stock since 2007
C: Damn. You'd better look in (location) and see if the ones for the other side are right.

So whose is the bigger mistake, the factory in China that sent the wrong parts or ours for not noticing for 8 years?

 

[ufkacbln]

Me: "Or Catherine wheel! What possessed Catherine to set her wheels on fire?!"

.

Off topic
Catherine of Alexandria (St Catherine) was martyred on a torture device called "The Wheel"



Hence her patronage of wheelwrights and connections to the Catherine Wheel

 

[swee'pea99]

Ok...so why are candles Roman? And why are they candles?