Give me some dialogue from your day

[Tin Pot]

Come on, you need to tell us more

My daughter was rolling on the carpet in agony...brought on by school homework.

 

[welsh dragon]

I can see a slug on the floor. God knows how it got into the living room.

Me. "Theres a slug over here on the floor. Don't worry, it won't have time to run away before you manage to grab it"

Mr WD. " I suppose that means you want me to pick it up"

Me. " of course. I dont do bugs and slugs. Thats your job. Your the man, so do the manly thing".

 

[Tin Pot]

I can see a slug on the floor. God knows how it got into the living room.

Me. "Theres a slug over here on the floor. Don't worry, it won't have time to run away before you manage to grab it"

Mr WD. " I suppose that means you want me to pick it up"

Me. " of course. I dont do bugs and slugs. Thats your job. Your the man, so do the manly thing".

Has he loaded the hunting rifle yet?

 

[welsh dragon]

Has he loaded the hunting rifle yet?

No. Not today. He did however shoot a couple of targets (not animals by the way) outside today, so he was happy to just pick it up with a tissue and throw it out of the window.

 

[gbb]

Wife comes downstairs this morning...
'Oh gawld, somethings itching in my ear'
'Earwigs ' i replied.
'Expletive deleted'...'stop it'
She continued...
'its not deep inside, its driving me nuts though'
'Spiders nest'
'What ?'
'It'll be a spiders nest in your ear'
'Expletive deleted...i won't stop thinking about that all day now'


She looked back at me...'you b'stard'

 

[gbb]

Really channel on TV, the screen in the break is showing tomorrow evenings programmes. A female presenter (just the voice ) reads...
'And in the quest for penile perfection, later we have..'Searching forThe Worlds Biggest Penis' (or words to that effect)

I turn to the wife..
'Bet she never dreamed she'd be saying that when she started out in her career'

Wife...

 

[Lullabelle]

Me: next Sunday i am going to cook Sunday dinner
TVC: ooh, I have never had beans on toast for my Sunday dinner before
Me:

 

[TVC]

Watching Click this afternoon, Lara Lewington was demonstrating contactless payment using a chip built into a ring.

Lara:"So, if I want to buy something I just touch my ring"
Me "pfffft "
Lu:"Childish"

 

[Lullabelle]

Watching Click this afternoon, Lara Lewington was demonstrating contactless payment using a chip built into a ring.

Lara:"So, if I want to buy something I just touch my ring"
Me "pfffft "
Lu:"Childish"

I cannot believe she said it with a straight faced

 

[perplexed]

Watching Click this afternoon, Lara Lewington was demonstrating contactless payment using a chip built into a ring.

Lara:"So, if I want to buy something I just touch my ring"
Me "pfffft "
Lu:"Childish"

An elderly, very religious relative of mine once came home from some special church service where the Bishop himself had been officiating...

She looked quite excited/emotional.

'Are you ok?' says I...

'Yes. It was lovely. I got to kiss the Bishop's ring...'

 

[Rezillo]

Earlier tonight the FIL tells me a tale from his younger days when he and the MIL were lying in bed.

The curtains were open and the moonlight was shining on her face.

He turned to her and said, "you look lovely in the dark."

Many years ago, the family were grouped round the TV at Xmas time, watching some ghastly soap episode. If I remember correctly, it involved a woman disappearing in an accident (shark attack?) and then undergoing major surgery miles from home that transformed her into some supermodel-like person. She then returned unannounced and was able to chat up her partner without him realising she was his wife.

Uncle Jim turns to his wife: "Well, this is bloody ridiculous. If you came back looking all beautiful, I'd still know it was you".

We collapsed laughing, he just looked bewildered.

 

[fimm]

Not really dialogue, but on Facebook:
Local campaign group: We'd like to translate the following into as many languages as possible, can you help?
<Thing they want translated>
Friend <stuff>
Same Friend <more stuff>
Campaign group: Which do you prefer?
Friend: Which?
Campaign group: You have posted two versions, which do you prefer?
Friend: one is in French and the other is in Italian.
Campaign group: Oops...

 

[Arjimlad]

Daddy, I saw your bum! ... she said as I whipped my cycling longs on this morning.
Daddy, you forgot to put on your pants!... so I explained that one doesn't normally wear pants under cycling clothing.

 

[gavgav]

Received an e-mail today asking us to complete the NHS staff survey. Certainly Sir

Q = Would you recommend this place to a friend as a place to work

My answer = Disagree

Q = Please rate how good/great this place is to work (out of 10)

My answer = 3

Provided a few comments on what is wrong as well. Apparently it's anonymous.......

 

[rdfcyclist]

Not necessarily a funny conversation but it lead to hilarity

Me: What do think your costume will be for Halloween this year?
Dad: Not interested, maybe my shower curtain

3 hours later and a shopping trip to Tesco I come home to find this at about 2200

My joker of a dad had put this shower curtain up in my absence and it has scared me silly about 3 times so far!