Give me some dialogue from your day

[KneesUp]

Daughter (6) "Let's pretend the rug is a lake and that we're grebes. We can waddle about like this "
(demonstrates shuffling motion that would hurt the knees of anyone over the age of 12 - but I do it anyway)
Daughter "Daddy, your feet are too smelly for you to be a grebe"

 

[ColinJ]

A short dialogue this evening between me and a woman I met this evening while out on my cyclocross bike.

She was the owner of a yappy mutt - the kind of aggressive little beast with delusions of grandeur. (The dog, not the woman! ) Its whiny little bark was worse than its bite, but only because it was a very annoying yappy bark, and because I got my leg out of its way before it could give me the bite!

Woman with yappy mutt: It's ok - he doesn't bite!

ColinJ: He is certainly trying to, madam!

Woman: He doesn't like cyclists.

ColinJ: Yes, I noticed that ... [Thinking: So, any chance of grabbing hold of the yappy little f**ker then!]

Woman: Careful, you almost ran him over!

ColinJ: I am riding extremely slowly and he ran out directly in front of me. [Thinking: So, any chance of grabbing hold of the yappy little f**ker then!]

Woman: Careful, you almost trod on him!

ColinJ: That would be because I am toppling sideways having had to stop dead to avoid running him over! [Thinking: So, any chance of grabbing hold of the yappy little f**ker then!]

Woman: Leave the man alone, darling!

ColinJ: [Thinking: Oh, FFS - it is about the size of a bag of sugar - PICK IT UP!]

Woman: He isn't listening to me!

ColinJ: Neither am I! [Accelerates away with yappy mutt declaring victory behind me ...]



Who ever thought it was a good idea to breed yappy mutts like that? I like dogs, but those creatures are just plain annoying! They don't play games, are not affectionate, are stupid, noisy and demanding. The only good thing about them is that they must be cheap to feed ...

 

[gbb]

My Ribble is leant against the wall in the workshop. My colleague looks at it as he's working on something. ?.
'Have those tyres got air in them ?'

My first thought was...bugger ive punctured, then I realised hes not clued up on road bikes...or any bikes....
'Yeah, about 100psi'
Colleague looks shocked ...'do you need a special pump for that ?'

 

[simon the viking]

A short dialogue this evening between me and a woman I met this evening while out on my cyclocross bike.

She was the owner of a yappy mutt - the kind of aggressive little beast with delusions of grandeur. (The dog, not the woman! ) Its whiny little bark was worse than its bite, but only because it was a very annoying yappy bark, and because I got my leg out of its way before it could give me the bite!

Woman with yappy mutt: It's ok - he doesn't bite!

ColinJ: He is certainly trying to, madam!

Woman: He doesn't like cyclists.

ColinJ: Yes, I noticed that ... [Thinking: So, any chance of grabbing hold of the yappy little f**ker then!]

Woman: Careful, you almost ran him over!

ColinJ: I am riding extremely slowly and he ran out directly in front of me. [Thinking: So, any chance of grabbing hold of the yappy little f**ker then!]

Woman: Careful, you almost trod on him!

ColinJ: That would be because I am toppling sideways having had to stop dead to avoid running him over! [Thinking: So, any chance of grabbing hold of the yappy little f**ker then!]

Woman: Leave the man alone, darling!

ColinJ: [Thinking: Oh, FFS - it is about the size of a bag of sugar - PICK IT UP!]

Woman: He isn't listening to me!

ColinJ: Neither am I! [Accelerates away with yappy mutt declaring victory behind me ...]



Who ever thought it was a good idea to breed yappy mutts like that? I like dogs, but those creatures are just plain annoying! They don't play games, are not affectionate, are stupid, noisy and demanding. The only good thing about them is that they must be cheap to feed ...

My pet (pun not intended) hate is the long leads where the owner can be one side of the path and the dog the other.... Creating a trip wire.....

 

[marknotgeorge]

Drama Queen was apparently learning radio communication at Air Cadets this evening, so the way home was a recital of the NATO phonetic alphabet:
DQ: Hotel. What's 'I'?
Me: Think of a country.
DQ: Ireland!
Me: Not quite...
DQ: Italy!
Me: We're heading in the right direction at least.

 

[Cubist]

Overheard in a supermarket:
Mother to child: "I have told you at least ten times, It's fewer than when you can count the things, less than when you can weigh or measure it..."

Hoorah! All is not lost.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Drama Queen was apparently learning radio communication at Air Cadets this evening, so the way home was a recital of the NATO phonetic alphabet:
DQ: Hotel. What's 'I'?
Me: Think of a country.
DQ: Ireland!
Me: Not quite...
DQ: Italy!
Me: We're heading in the right direction at least.

I wonder what @Nihal thinks of this?:


View: http://youtu.be/Ln5QgeCL1fs

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

My sister and husband arrived today. The BiL in a foul mood.

It seems that my sister managed to knacker the clutch on his car, before denting the door against the house when she arrived here

Brother in Law on arrival:

'How could you hit it? Its a stationary f*cking house!!'

 

[ColinJ]

It seems that my sister managed to knacker the clutch on his car, before denting the door against the house when she arrived here

Brother in Law on arrival:

'How could you hit it? Its a stationary f*cking house!!'

Yeahbut ... it's a BIG target!

 

[marknotgeorge]

My sister and husband arrived today. The BiL in a foul mood.

It seems that my sister managed to knacker the clutch on his car, before denting the door against the house when she arrived here

Brother in Law on arrival:

'How could you hit it? Its a stationary f*cking house!!'

She's not trying hard enough. My sister reversed into a church once.

 

[Lullabelle]

The vehicle hire company didn't deliver the car to my colleague yesterday so he stormed into the branch at 7.45am and demanded 'where is my fu**ing car' he went online to book the car, the booking went to the local branch and they typed into their system PM instead of AM

 

[Lavender Rose]

Mum and I were shopping for party food and I say to her in the meat aisle when referring to sausage casserole "...HOW MANY SAUSAGES COULD YOU FIT IN THERE..." and "...YOU NEED A DECENT SAUSAGE PACK..." caused a giggle from some random blokes next to me.....

 

[swee'pea99]

She's not trying hard enough. My sister reversed into a church once.

God moves in mysterious ways. Also his houses, apparently.

 

[Lavender Rose]

My dad gives me grief for my parking and general driving, he is only one in our house to have reversed into the side of it.....so I clearly do not listen to him.

 

[EltonFrog]

Mrs wife to me.

I wouldn't vote for anyone who keeps his pens in his breast pocket like a row of medals.