Give me some dialogue from your day

[Scoosh]

for @Ganymede !

 

[Ootini]

Client: Do you have time for a telecon? Or shall I just squirt it over in an email?

Me: *stares*

 

[Saluki]

Bosslet: Nik Kershaw did a guest lecture at my college. Nik Kershaw from Spandau Ballet.
Me: You sure about that?
Bosslet: Yes. Wrote a book called How to Succeed in Music too.
Me: I loved Spandau when I was a teenager. Martin & Gary Kemp, Tony Hadley, Steve Norman and John Keeble. I think that I would have remembered Kershaw.
Bosslet: He collaborated with them.
Me: He wrote Chesney Hawkes 'The one and only'
Bosslet: Ah yes. I knew it was something like Spandau Ballet
Me: He wrote a book called Spilling the Beans on Making it in Music.
Bosslet: Oh

Bosslet is 25. Bless him. I don't know whether to laugh or cry with despair sometimes.

 

[pplpilot]

In checkout queue in Sainsbury...

Sainsbury chap - sir, you only have a few items, would you like to use the self service checkout rather than wait?

Me - I have Alcohol...

Sains - yes we can put that through there for you too...

Me - yes, I know, but not only will the bloody thing tell me theres an unexpected item in the 'bagging area' it will also inform me I have restricted items that need to be verified, and every time I've ever used them I've had the same issues and there isn't a member of staff around that isn't gossiping with colleagues to verify my items I may as well just wait here hadn't I?

Sains -

 

[Lullabelle]

In checkout queue in Sainsbury...

Sainsbury chap - sir, you only have a few items, would you like to use the self service checkout rather than wait?

Me - I have Alcohol...

Sains - yes we can put that through there for you too...

Me - yes, I know, but not only will the bloody thing tell me theres an unexpected item in the 'bagging area' it will also inform me I have restricted items that need to be verified, and every time I've ever used them I've had the same issues and there isn't a member of staff around that isn't gossiping with colleagues to verify my items I may as well just wait here hadn't I?

Sains -

I refuse to use self service, I like to communicate with humans.

 

[gbb]

Im busy, the last few days have not been very rewarding, to and fro, from this job to that, leave this, do that etc etc.
Female colleague approaches me...
'Col, any chance you can run us up something for these (circa 15) laminates, so we can flip them over to the right one for the job'
'Errr, yes, I don't know what I'm going to use to do it, but I'll have a look in a bit'
'Aww thats great....can you do it soon ?'
'..yeah i suppose..seeing its you ...mind, the next three jobs have just been put back then?.

And so the week continues...

 

[gbb]

We were talking at work about the old days, when most of us tinkered with cars, something most of us dont do anymore...thankfully. It then moved onto cars we'd had years ago..
Someone mentioned a Vauxhall Velox
Me...Dad had one, I used to love that car as a kid, id have one now..'
I thought for a second and continued.
''Dad also had a Triumph Mayflower...God awful looking thing that was'

 

[Turbo Rider]

Daughter..."Daddy, why has your forehead grown bigger?"
Me "I had a haircut"
Daughter "So your head's not growing?"
Me "No..."
Daughter "Oh good...I was worried you might start falling over with all that extra weight"

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Looking at The Telegraph this morning (not that I buy it, natch)

Me - look at this picture of Rod Stewart, silly old sod
Kid2 - (looking at Rod's hanky flamboyantly sticking out of his top pocket) what's that thing on his jacket?
Mrs McG - That's his missus

We then have a conversation about Rod's wives;

Me - always taller
Mrs McG - always blonde
Both - always the same age

How we laughed...

 

[marknotgeorge]

13 year-old #1 daughter: Betcha can't wait to meet my boyfriend! [with whom she's going shopping later]

Me: Er, Yes I can. FOR ABOUT A HUNDRED YEARS!

 

[pplpilot]

Me - Morning, a Bacon roll to take out please...
Girl - would you like red or brown sauce?
Me - oh, none please, just as it comes...
Girl - anything else?
me - no thank you...
Girl - sorry did you say red or brown sauce?
Me - neither, none..
girl - oh sorry, anything else?
Me - ...... No just the roll.
Girl - £2.10 please...
Me- thanks (pays)
Girl - just be a few minutes...
Me - ok...

A few minutes go by, she emerges from kitchen...

Girl - would you like any sauce on it?
Me - (ffs!) no, not red nor brown, none, i like mine with NO sauce, none. Just as it comes.
Girl - oh ok, £2.10 please, anything else?
Me -

 

[swee'pea99]

I refuse to use self service, I like to communicate with humans.

Nah, humans are a right PITA. I go swimming pretty much every day, and my card used to not work with the self-swipe units because the bar code was a bit worn. So I used to go to the desk. A couple of the guys who worked there used to take my card, 'blip', hand it back and in I'd go.But most of them used to take my card, 'blip', then hold onto it for ten seconds, staring at the screen, until the computer said 'yes - this card is ok'. This despite the fact that I'd been in pretty much every day, for years. Bugger that. I got a new card. Give me the machines any day.

 

[Turbo Rider]

Me - Morning, a Bacon roll to take out please...
Girl - would you like red or brown sauce?
Me - oh, none please, just as it comes...
Girl - anything else?
me - no thank you...
Girl - sorry did you say red or brown sauce?
Me - neither, none..
girl - oh sorry, anything else?
Me - ...... No just the roll.
Girl - £2.10 please...
Me- thanks (pays)
Girl - just be a few minutes...
Me - ok...

A few minutes go by, she emerges from kitchen...

Girl - would you like any sauce on it?
Me - (ffs!) no, not red nor brown, none, i like mine with NO sauce, none. Just as it comes.
Girl - oh ok, £2.10 please, anything else?
Me -

And then?

 

[pplpilot]

And then?

I gave her a glare, think she got it then...

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

And then?

He got sauce anyway!