Give me some dialogue from your day

[Moon bunny]

Quick Thinking.
At work this morning, taking orders for brew time:
Lady volunteer, "I've got some hot chocolate in my bag."
Boss, (Other side of the shed) "Did I hear some one say hot chocolate?"
LV, "No, I said I've got some tom cats locked in my bag."

 

[gbb]

Alice Baxter is doing the BBC financial news at about 5.40am. She's telling us....
'Oil prices have fallen by nearly 50%...'.......and she hesitates as the graphic on the screen behind her shows tumbling figures...which after a second arrive at 48%....'And there's the numbers'...she continued.
Me to wife...
'The BBC really try hard...I'd have struggled to know what nearly 50% was...now I know its 48%, I can sleep easy. God bless the BBC and their graphics, we'd be lost without them'
Wife, sensing the sarcasm..and joing in...
'You said nearly 50%...and its only 48%...'
'EXACTLY....proves my point, we'd all be bollixed without the BBC graphics'

What do they take us for

 

[swansonj]

Overly loud and overly self satisfied and very overly Surrey woman on train just now, expounding on the doings of her family for the whole journey, with the following highlight:
Of course, dried kangaroo meat doesn't travel very well, unlike crocodile.

 

[jhawk]

I'm house-sitting for someone. Dad's just chatted with me via Facebook.

"How's it going?"

"Pretty good! The pet's haven't escaped, no one's died, or thrown up. And the house isn't on fire!"

"Well done son. You'll do just fine..."

 

[jhawk]

Also a conversation with the Old Man.

"How long are you gone for again?"

"Three weeks, Dad."

"Oh..."

"You didn't think I was moving out for good, did you?"

"Oh no! Not at all!... Don't tease me like that."

 

[vernon]

To wife smiling at me

Me: "What?"
Mrs V: "I'm smiling because you cooked me a nice meal. Does it frighten you?"
Me: "Yes."

 

[gbb]

Our machines can take a variety of coloured netting, however black net has always given problems across a range of different machines, the sensors can't 'see' black net. Nothing new, we were aware of it 15 years ago, nothings changed.
Operator to me..
'It keeps alarming 'there is no net'...but there is'
'It will, the sensor can't see black net, just put something in front of the sensor, it will work then'
Another operator arrived and between them they pressed buttons, jiggled net, re-fed net and generally faffed about. I left them to it, if they think they know best, let em carry on.

5 minutes later, the first op gestured to the machine...
'Its still not working'
'Then put something in front of the sensor...and it will'

She duly did so....and the machine dutifully sparked into life.
'You coulda saved yourself 5 minutes faffing about y'know '...told you didnt I ?'

 

[ufkacbln]

Not sure about this one......

We were in London last week and my wife has a thing about Paddington and wanted to find some of the bears placed around London

We came to a deal that we would spend a day on the bears, and a day on my hobby of churches

When we got back to the hotel the receptionist was really friendly and asked how we got on so my wife enthused about the Paddingtons we had seen

Later I went down to the bar whilst my wife was getting ready to go out and the receptionist was there

She started a conversation about the day and then came out with

"I bet you are really cuddly - you look like a big teddy bear!"

Now at my age compliments form any ladies, never mind young ladies are welcome, and good for the ego, but I am so glad my wife was not there....



... and to my credit, I finished my drink and ran away!

 

[gavgav]

E-Mail from Chief Exec to say that the organisation must remain staffed until 5PM on Xmas Eve (doesn't bother me as I booked it off a while back) followed by her coming into the office to wish everyone a nice Xmas and inform everyone that no one from the Exec Team will be in tomorrow!!

Talk about "do as I say, not as I do"!

Morale in the NHS is already very low, without this sort of thing.

It's not the need to staff it until 5 that really annoys everyone. Clinical staff have to work all over Xmas after all, but it wouldn't hurt an Exec member to do the same as the minions!

 

[ufkacbln]

E-Mail from Chief Exec to say that the organisation must remain staffed until 5PM on Xmas Eve (doesn't bother me as I booked it off a while back) followed by her coming into the office to wish everyone a nice Xmas and inform everyone that no one from the Exec Team will be in tomorrow!!

Talk about "do as I say, not as I do"!

Morale in the NHS is already very low, without this sort of thing.

It's not the need to staff it until 5 that really annoys everyone. Clinical staff have to work all over Xmas after all, but it wouldn't hurt an Exec member to do the same as the minions!

Funnily enough when I was a youngster it was this way.. the youngsters did Christmas Eve


However I must have got this wrong as tomorrow I have a ten hour day as I alert the staff with families and commitments finish on time!

 

[Lullabelle]

My boss wasn't in Monday or yesterday but she did come in today

Boss: looks like you have a really good push on your work
Me: that is because it has been so quiet, yesterday I only had 3 phone calls
Boss: it is only when you are away and I answer the phone that I realise how many calls you get during the day and how many interruptions you have.

 

[gbb]

Ive got two days off, normally I'd wash my overalls at the weekend, but I'll be working. In a mischievous moment, I shouted downstairs to the wife...knowing she will be busy all morning preparing dinner for 7 people...
'Any chance of doing my overalls tomorrow ?'...I waited with baited breath and sniggering quietly for the reply...


silence followed for a few seconds, then the inevitable happened.....
'You what ????....are you taking the ......'

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

My OH...:thank you for the best Christmas present ever
me: blank looks
My OH: you got me out of having to visit my in-laws....
me: still blank looks (but he has a valid point)
My OH: you can stop having a bad back now!
me:

 

[Peteaud]

Down in Lyme Regis today (The harbour) and tourist next to us says "its nice but i wish they would do something with the coloured garage doors"





You mean the beach huts then

 

[stephec]

At 21:00 my wife rang her mam, one of the first things she said was, "oh you're watching Downton Abbey," I'll go so you can watch it then."

She's still on the phone as I type.

Edit:the phone's now been handed to my daughter, she'll probably get to watch the last five minutes.