Give me some dialogue from your day

[jhawk]

You're more than welcome to borrow mine, preferably at the exactly moment she announces to doe-eyed Waitrose customers that the penguin in the foyer is FAKE AND DEAD!

You're alright thanks mate. Somehow I think you'll do a much better job of the whole parenting thing. You know, me being twenty, single, living in the middle-of-nowhere, with two dogs and I can barely cook toast.

 

[ColinJ]

My dear Granddad loves to have conversations on Facebook... In any posts or photos that I may post.

"Hey kiddo, how's it going?" on a photo that I just posted. I must explain to him how the Chat window works... *Sigh*

If you have a few minutes free after that, perhaps you could explain it to me too!

 

[KneesUp]

Picking OH up from work. DD is 5, her seat was already in the front of the car, so OH sat in the back. I love driving with DD in the front because we have our best chats then, and we'd had a lovely chat on the way 'out'.

On the way home:

DD: "I *love* you"
Me: "Aw thanks DD. I love you too"
DD: "I was talking to mummy. I love you as well, but I love mummy more."

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

I'm still needing help at the moment with the simple things in life, so whilst lying in bed this morning sipping the coffee my husband has brought up to me (along with all the food i need for the day) my oh pulls back the bed clothes to reveal my feet. Normal so far so I don't bat an eye lid...

My OH grabbing my little toe on my left foot: This little piggy went to market,
(grabbing & wiggling the next toe): This little piggy stayed home,
(grabbing & wiggling the next toe): This little piggy had roast beef,
(grabbing & wiggling the next toe): This little piggy had none,
(grabbing & wiggling the big toe): And this little piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
Me in little girls voice: you did dat all wong...
Me in little girl's exasperated voice: you're meant to start with the big toe!

Laughing, my OH grabbed my big toe on my right foot: This little piggy went to market,
(grabbing & wiggling the next toe): This little piggy stayed home,
(grabbing & wiggling the next toe): This little piggy had roast beef,
(grabbing & wiggling the next toe): This little piggy had none,
(grabbing & wiggling the little toe and a manic grin now spreads across his face): And this little piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home (as he proceeds to tickle the sole of my right foot... )
He looks up puzzled, no screaming or trying to get the foot any from him...

Usually this would have ended in screams, but I have finally found 1 advantage of not being able to feel my foot properly.... It's no longer tickleish!

 

[jhawk]

Things are burning on the stove. Dave has positioned himself at my feet, as I'm sat on the couch.

"shoot! MOVEDAVEMOVEDAVEMOVEDAVE!" He stands there, statuesque and unmoving, I trip and fall over him and proceed to swear more and threaten to turn him into a doormat.

 

[jhawk]

It is almost Christmas, and my father - ever since he saw the film, "Elf" a few years ago, now answers the phone in the following manner:

"Buddy the Elf, what's your favourite colour?"

 

[fimm]

Colleague is having a bit of a rant:
".... there was a bit of a trafffic jam and Nigel Farage was trying to blame it on immigrants... no, I think you'll find it was traffic... traffic and discretely breastfeeding mothers along the M9.... oh and did you hear D. (chap who works in the same room as us) on the subject of breastfeeding? "It's not natural!" I think you'll find..."
The rest of us

 

[fimm]

So why didn't Mr Ganymede say "Those are delightful, dear, you should get them"? given than men (are supposed to?) like breasts so much?

 

[Ganymede]

So why didn't Mr Ganymede say "Those are delightful, dear, you should get them"? given than men (are supposed to?) like breasts so much?

Hmmm. I really don't know. Perhaps he was alarmed at the thought of guests coming to stay and reaching out for the cupboard doors and going "Crikey! Mr G has porno doorknobs!". He's a discreet sort of chap.

 

[MossCommuter]

"Well, for nothing, I don't think that's a bad deal "

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

Overheard yesterday

Nurse 1: Jo, can you come and help me take xxx's leg off please?

The surrounding area goes quiet.

Xxx:
Nurse 2:
Nurse 1, a bit sheepishly: how else can I explain it?

 

[ScotiaLass]

'Honey could you go up the loft and get the Christmas tree down..."

The tree duly arrives and is stared at.....

'Erm, sweetie, that's not the tree I wanted....I need the other tree'.

Another trip to the loft and the next tree arrives.

'Oh.... there is actually one more tree up there....that's the tree I want'.

3rd time lucky.....

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

I'm sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for my OH to help me out my trousers, socks and shoes on to go for my morning physio wal of all of about 50m.

OH: you're undressed!
Me: Yep. I'm getting pretty good at taking my clothes off, just can't put them back on again...
OH: you'll make a good stripper.

 

[vernon]

An enquiry from an Ebay user about some potassium nitrate that I'd bought from Ebay

Ebay user: Is this 99.9%?
Me: I'm not 100% sure.

 

[ScotiaLass]

14yr old: Mother...do you think I could have a saucer of milk?
Me: Yes, but I'd rather you had it in a glass
14yr old: Oh sh*t! I'm turning feral!!
Me: