Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
U
User32269
Guest
Woman talking to her next door neighbour over dilapidated front garden fence while I was working outside;
"
This country is a joke, where else would the choose to have bonfire night in f*#×☆★g November when it's p*^×~ng down? Why the f@*☆ wouldn't yer have it when kids are off and the weather's better?"
"
This country is a joke, where else would the choose to have bonfire night in f*#×☆★g November when it's p*^×~ng down? Why the f@*☆ wouldn't yer have it when kids are off and the weather's better?"
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Having just arranged and gone through dads funeral, which all went according to plan despite some last minute changes etc which caused me some considerable stress, everyone was really happy (if that's the right word) with the way it went.
Mum to me...
'You did such a good job of dads service....i'd like you to arrange mine when that time comes'
Me...
'Oh gawld, as if one wasn't stressful enough'
Mum...
'Don't worry, it won't be for a good few years yet
'
Mum to me...
'You did such a good job of dads service....i'd like you to arrange mine when that time comes'
Me...
'Oh gawld, as if one wasn't stressful enough'Mum...
'Don't worry, it won't be for a good few years yet
'
EltonFrog
Legendary Member
Walking the dogs this morning I heard a big builder bloke on the phone as we went past a house.
"mum! I just thought I'd let you you know in case you were worried that I'm bloody 100% brilliant at caramelising red bloody cabbage, I'm a bloody expert at it...."
I didn't here the rest of the conversation for laughing.
"mum! I just thought I'd let you you know in case you were worried that I'm bloody 100% brilliant at caramelising red bloody cabbage, I'm a bloody expert at it...."
I didn't here the rest of the conversation for laughing.
jhawk
Veteran
- Location
- New Brunswick, Canada
Dad: "So, how many kids does Adam (a friend of ours) have now?"
Me: "Three. One's three, one's one-and-a-half, and the other's 18 months."
Dad (after a long pause): "... Excuse me? Did you really just say that?"
Me: "I'm tired and ill. Shut up."
Me: "Three. One's three, one's one-and-a-half, and the other's 18 months."
Dad (after a long pause): "... Excuse me? Did you really just say that?"
Me: "I'm tired and ill. Shut up."
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
A conversation in my head...as I'm hammering in the 40th or so clout nail into my shed roof...It's midday'ish and the woman opposite has just slammed her bedroom window....ooer, I think she's annoyed.
In my mind, I expected her to complain that I've woken her up....my reply would have been..
'What !!!, the noisiest woman in the street (and she is)...is complaining about the noise !!!!!!, you've got a bloomin cheek'
But no, so I continued my work in silence (apart from the hammering)
In my mind, I expected her to complain that I've woken her up....my reply would have been..
'What !!!, the noisiest woman in the street (and she is)...is complaining about the noise !!!!!!, you've got a bloomin cheek'
But no, so I continued my work in silence (apart from the hammering)
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Me, guffawing to the wife, I'm watching the Go Compare advert where the female in blue says...
'He couldnt even look at my bills, they were massive'
Me...
'It gets me every time...that stupid smirk on her boyfriends face'
Wife....
My peurile sense of humour
'He couldnt even look at my bills, they were massive'
Me...
'It gets me every time
...that stupid smirk on her boyfriends face'Wife....
My peurile sense of humour
EltonFrog
Legendary Member
Walking the dogs this morning, I see the big builder bloke from yesterday, he has thinning hair with a bit of sad Mohican thing going on with it.
Me " how was the caramelised red cabbage?"
BBB " oh mate, it was mint, I am the king of caramelised red cabbage me.
Me " lol"
His phone rings.
BBB on the phone." allo, yes mate, yes mate, I can come over later mate. Yes I can imagineer that for you...yes mate...I've got a feckin' PHD in imagineering. Laters.
Me " how was the caramelised red cabbage?"
BBB " oh mate, it was mint, I am the king of caramelised red cabbage me.
Me " lol"
His phone rings.
BBB on the phone." allo, yes mate, yes mate, I can come over later mate. Yes I can imagineer that for you...yes mate...I've got a feckin' PHD in imagineering. Laters.
Ganymede
Veteran
- Location
- Rural Kent
Epic.
Superb!
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
NT and I have just been scraping wall paper from the stair wall.
NT: These red bits on the wall? I was thinking I had cut myself, looks like blood.
Me: It's all over the place, so it's not you.
NT: That's ok, I just thought I was dripping blood all over the wall. Do you think the paper was covering up some grizzly murder?
Me: Looks too fresh for that!
NT: That makes it sound worse!
Me:
NT: Arghhhh!
Me: What?
NT: I've cut myself!
He managed to slip when the scraper caught on something and slashed his thumb open on a burr on the edge of the blade!
NT: These red bits on the wall? I was thinking I had cut myself, looks like blood.
Me: It's all over the place, so it's not you.
NT: That's ok, I just thought I was dripping blood all over the wall. Do you think the paper was covering up some grizzly murder?
Me: Looks too fresh for that!
NT: That makes it sound worse!
Me:
NT: Arghhhh!
Me: What?
NT: I've cut myself!
He managed to slip when the scraper caught on something and slashed his thumb open on a burr on the edge of the blade!
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
In the wool shop today, I was talking to the owner, and another customer walked in.
Long story short, after I moved away from the counter, the next customer said, "I thought you were talking to that lady" (ie me)
Me: Yes, she talks to anyone
at exactly the same time, the owner said
Yes, I'll talk to anyone
both of us
Little old lady customer
Long story short, after I moved away from the counter, the next customer said, "I thought you were talking to that lady" (ie me)
Me: Yes, she talks to anyone
at exactly the same time, the owner said
Yes, I'll talk to anyone
both of us
Little old lady customer
Arsen Gere
Guru
- Location
- North East, UK
Woman at the desk opposite me at work:
"I've got crumpet grease all over my desk"
"I've got crumpet grease all over my desk"
welsh dragon
Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
Number 3 grandson " gran can I"
Me" no"
Me" no"
jongooligan
Legendary Member
- Location
- Behind bars
My nephew and his girlfriend are staying with us. She's a teacher in a secondary school (are they still called that?). Anyway, she had been showing her class a lurid elf n safety type film in which some fool climbs a pylon to retrieve a Frisbee and comes to a grisly end.
The class were asked to write down a few sentences describing what they had seen and they then took turns to read them out. All went well until one girl read out, "The boy went after his Frisbee and was killed by a python". Cue shrieks of laughter.
"What's wrong with that?" she demanded.
"A python is a type of fish, you idiot." says one of her dimmer classmates.
Rest of class are now laughing their arses off, rolling in the aisles whilst teacher is trying unsuccessfully to hide her own laughter.
The class were asked to write down a few sentences describing what they had seen and they then took turns to read them out. All went well until one girl read out, "The boy went after his Frisbee and was killed by a python". Cue shrieks of laughter.
"What's wrong with that?" she demanded.
"A python is a type of fish, you idiot." says one of her dimmer classmates.
Rest of class are now laughing their arses off, rolling in the aisles whilst teacher is trying unsuccessfully to hide her own laughter.
