Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

Wife, watching adverts...
'Ooh that reminds me, I'll look on the internet and see where my meerkat is' (having 'won' one by purchacing insurance, you can track your meekat as it supposedly travels to you from gawld knows where. She knows its a bit of fun, but I'm going to have mine too)
Me....
'Its not real y'know'
She.. mock indignantly...
'It is, they're coming from Africa'
Me...
'No they're not, they're in a warehouse in Droitwich'

 

[gbb]

Apparently, one Meerkat is in Paris, one is in Barcelona
Me..
'Gerrof it will ya '?...'Paris, Barcelona...it has to be somewhere exotic, whats wrong with Droitwich, or Barrow in Furness '

 

[perplexed]

Student: Would you like a free marshal arts lesson?

Me: No, ta...

 

[matth411]

I have just nearly sneaked up on my colleague until he turned around and saw me and said "woah, I thought I heard something out of the corner of my ear" ...

 

[Ganymede]

Dear Old Deaf Demented Dad strikes again.

We are in the car - if he is in a good mood he often sings, and as this improves his mood I usually join in, often with harmony/cod trumpet accompaniments.

DODDD: By the light.... of the silvery moon...
Me: parp-a-parp-a-pom-pom
DODDD: I want to spoon
Me: parp-a-parp-parp
DODDD: to my honey I'll croon (parp) Love's (parp) tune
Me: twiddly twiddly
DODDD: Honey moon
Me: parp-a-parp-a-pom-pom
DODDD: Keep a shining in June
Me: Twiddly-dee, twiddly-dee
DODDD (in time and tune): and I can't remember humph whatever harrumph harrumph tra la la lal la la soooooon
Me: (continues accompaniment)
DODDD and Me: By the Silvery Moon (by the silvery moooooooon).

DODDD: Well, that was.... splendid.
Me: It was, in fact, trancendentally beautiful.
DODDD: It was.

 

[Arch]

Dear Old Deaf Demented Dad strikes again.

We are in the car - if he is in a good mood he often sings, and as this improves his mood I usually join in, often with harmony/cod trumpet accompaniments.

DODDD: By the light.... of the silvery moon...
Me: parp-a-parp-a-pom-pom
DODDD: I want to spoon
Me: parp-a-parp-parp
DODDD: to my honey I'll croon (parp) Love's (parp) tune
Me: twiddly twiddly
DODDD: Honey moon
Me: parp-a-parp-a-pom-pom
DODDD: Keep a shining in June
Me: Twiddly-dee, twiddly-dee
DODDD (in time and tune): and I can't remember humph whatever harrumph harrumph tra la la lal la la soooooon
Me: (continues accompaniment)
DODDD and Me: By the Silvery Moon (by the silvery moooooooon).

DODDD: Well, that was.... splendid.
Me: It was, in fact, trancendentally beautiful.
DODDD: It was.

How utterly lovely!

 

[jhawk]

My dear ol' Dad turns 45 in two days. I haven't seen him for a week, he's been away on business meetings and other frivolities no doubt. Anyway, I've been piling wood for a friend of mine who broke his ankle - get a text from the old man.

Dad: "Meet you at A&W?"

Me: "Sure!" I walk in, luckily, he's ordered the food for us. I'm starving, sore and my muscles hurt and I probably look like I just crawled out of hell. He doesn't miss a trick.

Dad: "DUDE! You look F*CKED!" Cheers, Pops. Not seen me for a week and these are your first words to me. Cheers!

 

[Octet]

Mum: Do you want to watch a Christmas film?

Me: No...no, no, no! That's just wrong..... no...... it's only just turned October.... no, no no!

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

Mum: Do you want to watch a Christmas film?

Me: No...no, no, no! That's just wrong..... no...... it's only just turned October.... no, no no!

it will be time to make the Christmas cake soon... has to have time to mature!

 

[annedonnelly]

it will be time to make the Christmas cake soon... has to have time to mature!

And time for regular additions of alcohol...

Always like to get mine made in October.

 

[ScotiaLass]

I have just nearly sneaked up on my colleague until he turned around and saw me and said "woah, I thought I heard something out of the corner of my ear" ...

Reminds me of when I was baby sitting the neighbours' 3 young boys (9, 7 and 4).
I walked up their gravel driveway to the front door and before I could knock, the door flies open and the 7 yr old is standing there, grinning at me.
Me: Hi! How did you know I was coming?
7yr old (in smug mode): I heard your footprints coming up the drive!

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

My OH has just come back from taking the Irish Wolf Hound we dog sit for, for a walk. He (my OH) looks exhausted, Dusty is nowhere to be seen...

My OH: How can something so large and slow catch something so small and fast?
Me: oh hell, what did he catch this time?
my OH: a squirrel, a squirrel....
*
Me: dead?
My OH:
My OH: Half of me wanted him to drop it and the other half of me wanted him to finish it off...
Me: (now looking for bites/scratches...)
My OH: the 5th bite did it...
Me: and Dusty? (now picturing scene of OH retrieving dead squirrel from jaws of very large, Irish Wolf Hound - he will drop for me, not for my OH! )
My OH: back in xyz's...

*(this is a dog that is partially paralysed and struggles to walk 2 miles in a single walk.)

(We think the squirrel was probably 'ill/injured')

 

[swee'pea99]

Elderly couple pause, as the hound paddles away in the pond: Is he yours?
Me: Yes...she's a she actually
Lady: Ah.

Idle chit chat while the dog paddles around a bit more, then climbs out...they back off a little...

Me: It's all right, she doesn't shake.
Lady: Just rattles and rolls then.

 

[gbb]

As maintenance engineer, i now have to raise more new paperwork for each job and now i can get the line leader to sign off the work and resume production.
I'm explaining to Line Leader and getting him to sign the job off.
'Its a lot more paperwork' i explained.
'I know, but you like paperwork'....(i'd talked to him about a previous job where i genuinely liked doing paperwork...and lots of it.)
'Yes i know' i replied.
'Anyway....you look better with paperwork in your hand than with your tools'

'Yeah ...cheers for that'

 

[Scoosh]

As maintenance engineer, i now have to raise more new paperwork for each job and now i can get the line leader to sign off the work and resume production.
I'm explaining to Line Leader and getting him to sign the job off.
'Its a lot more paperwork' i explained.
'I know, but you like paperwork'....(i'd talked to him about a previous job where i genuinely liked doing paperwork...and lots of it.)
'Yes i know' i replied.
'Anyway....you look better with paperwork in your hand than with your tools'

'Yeah ...cheers for that'

Clearly preparing you for a senior manager role !