Give me some dialogue from your day

[Shut Up Legs]

University. Great places of learning, but only for some people obviously.

For some, uni is a great place for learning... um... "life skills", such as how to construct a beer bong, a spliff, how to conduct a "boat race", etc. All that dry, academic knowledge comes second.

 

[Lullabelle]

At work today a delivery driver gave me a package which had my name on it

Me: ooh great, thanks. My husband bought a cookery book, think he might be trying to tell me something
DD:

 

[gbb]

Mum and dad in in their 80s, I usually ask before I go..
'Anything you need doing ?'
Mum...
'Ooh yes, I got this new mop and I cant make it work, the handle just slides in, it wont stay out...and I cant squeeze it out either'
I take a look, its an odd thing, not like a normal mop, but I can see it has an extending handle...I extend it out, twist the shaft to lock it...bobs yer uncle.
'Oooh, thanks', said mum as she realises it was simple all the time.
'But I still cant get it to open the sponge on the bottom' she continues.
I look, pull the handle, its rock solid, I'm convinced it will break, then realise the sponge is so so dry, its gone rock hard, thats why it wont operate. So I put the sponge in water, it softens and slowly, it begins to work.
'Where did you get this from mum, its a wierd thing'
'Out my catalogue'
Its puzzling me, its a wierd looking mop...then the wife chirps in...
'Its not a mop mum, its an extendable window cleaning sponge'
'Oh....I didnt think it did the floors very well'

 

[snorri]

Snatch of conversation overheard in a cafe in Thurso this morning.
"So a chist bocht half a pun' o' brocken biscuits fur 'e dowg".
Well it made me laugh.

 

[GrasB]

OH: Oh! Hello Mr Spider hanging from the ceiling. You'd better not fall for you'll not like that feeling!
Me: Feeling a little surreal today?
OH: Pain killers are gooood!
Me: So need for you to end up in the funny farm?
OH: You can keep a very close eye on me

 

[snorri]

OH: You can keep a very close eye on me

OK, you are granted an exemption from CycleChat for the rest of the day, enjoy.

 

[Scoosh]

 

[Hover Fly]

New lady-bod from the offices came in, just before finishing time and says in the sort of posh voice museum high -ups have, "I've got a big arrs..."
The boss, the apprentice and I collapse laughing before she gets to the "k" of ask.

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

I'm driving along and the sun has just come out after a really heavy rain storm. The pavement and road are both steaming but it is black as night in front again.

My OH: It's on fire
Me: Don't worry, the next rain storm will put it out!
My OH:

He can't cope with my logic!

 

[brand]

Rural Pub conversation
"how much you doing Muntjac for"
"£20 gutted and bled or £40 butchered"
"I will have two gutted and bled and pint of triple XB"

 

[EltonFrog]

The wife looking out the window.

" I ain't going out in that "

 

[TVC]

The wife looking out the window.

" I ain't going out in that "

As in the old joke, It's pouring down outside and my wife keeps staring at the window. I really should let her in.

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

Scene, we are cycling along the Princess road trying to get out of Manchester... In lane 1 o f 3, heading towards the M60... 1 lane is about to be the slip road for the M60...

My OH: So which junction of the M60 are we going on at?
Me: Err, junction 5 by the looks of things.

thankfully at the start of the slip road, the cycle lane started and we could both breath a sigh of relief!

 

[gbb]

The other day i was in a conversation with a colleague regarding our recent takeover. During the process, we were being regularly and furtively questioned by our prostective employer regarding policies and practices of our day to day activities.
I said...
'Yeah, blah blah was pumping me all the time....' (i omitted to say .. for information)
Colleague....
'Eh ?'
Me...
'Errr, i'd better re-phrase that '

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

My OH is recanting a facebook entry of my mother's. She had been complaining that she was cold and that my step-father had given her no sympathy and told her to put a jumper on.

Me: Well it is a touch cool today (as I zip up my fleece)
My OH: Do you want me to shut the front door?
Me (thinks): yes please...

A few minutes later, I come back to find my OH typing an entry on facebook which reads "SNSSO has decided it is cold, she has shut the front door".
Me: You had better add "But the bedroom windows are still open, so its not that cold yet"!

(We have not actually shut the bedroom windows since we moved in a little over 2 years ago despite the first winter dropping to -13C!)....