Give me some dialogue from your day

[MossCommuter]

Evangelistic rep from some religion or other: excuse me madam; have you considered meeting your lost loved ones in the afterlife?

Genteel looking old Lady: I don't give a flying f**k love

 

[Berties]

After 16 years of parenting it was the first time at the beach with out my sons,they had other plans,well one had a beach barbecue with a group of cheerleaders,enough said ,so had to engage in chat with the other half,seemed strange, so took my rest day and had a kip in the sun

 

[MossCommuter]

After 16 years of parenting it was the first time at the beach with out my sons,they had other plans,well one had a beach barbecue with a group of cheerleaders,enough said ,so had to engage in chat with the other half,seemed strange, so took my rest day and had a kip in the sun

So nothing was said?

 

[gbb]

During quite a serious problem with a machine, a managers been harrying me..
'Whats wrong ?..when will it be ready ?..what about....' etc etc
'The shaft is bent, ive got to fit a new one'...I replied..its a £20 item, no biggie really.
'Its a new machine..why cant they make the shaft out of something stronger'..he retorted testily.
'You have to have a weak spot, if everything is built like a brick sh1thouse..you'll start breaking more expensive parts, it'll be catastrophic failures then'

He disnt seem to appreciate it and mooched off.

Half an hour later, the service engineer for the manufacturer popped in and gave me a hand rebuilding it.
Aforememntioned manager mooched back up and said to service engineer...
'Why canttheymake that shaft out of stronger material ?'
And the service engineer explained...almost word for word what i'd told him half an hour earlier

 

[GrasB]

Blind: clatter, bang, clatter
Pigeon: *peck peck peck*
Me: Stop pecking at my blind
Pigeon: *peck peck peck*
Me: If you don't stop I'll find a cat. C A T you know?
Pigeon: *peck peck peck*
Me: *leaves office & wanders over to the wooded area quickly finding one of the friendlier young cats, picks it up, walks round the building I puts the cat down on the ground*
Cat: *pounces at pigeon*
Pigeon: *flys off*
Cat: Meow! PurrrrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRR *slowly stalks into bushes for more hunting*

 

[gbb]

I wandered into the warehouse office to see how my colleagues getting on with a job in there.and to ask him something.
As soon as I entered, the warehouse foreman started barracking me, banter flew back and forth, mostly insulting, all comical.
I left, as I exited the door, I turned and said to foreman...
'Im sure I came in here for something else?'
'What....to find your brain maybe ?'
I scanned the guys in the office....gave a disparaging look and replied...
' Not much chance of finding one In here '

My colleague sniggered, warehouse foreman gritted his teeth ..then laughed ...i ambled off

 

[perplexed]

Watching some of the swimming at the Commonwealth Games...

Me: See that enormous TV on the wall?

Mrs.P: Yeah?

Me: I wonder where they stole it from...

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

My mum was in a really strange mood this morning, if it could be taken the wrong way, she took it the wrong way. Once she was out of the way, I asked my step-father

Me: Which side of the bed did she get out of this morning?
without missing a heart beat his reply was : the bottom

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

I'm in a queue of slow moving traffic, cycling home from my parents. Holding my own space because the road is narrow and not great, and certainly not wide enough or safe enough to consider queue hopping. When I finally get to the traffic lights which are on red, a 4x4 pulls alongside and the conversation goes as follows.

Him: get a car
Me: why do I need 2?
Him: (silence)
Me: on the other hand I could get a 4th bike
Him:
Me: but then my husband would want a 4th bike and we have a hard enough time as it is storing 6 bikes, 8 bikes would probably result in divorce which I guess would mean I only have to store 4 bike (now praying for the lights to change) which would make life a touch easier...
Him: (still silent)

Lights change and we go our separate ways.

 

[Lullabelle]

One of the young lads at our place had his shorts on today, as I walked by I said: thank you Michal that has really brightened up my day, as I said that I looked down at his legs, he looked a little confused, looked down and realised what I meant and smiled. He is such a serious creature so a bit surprised I made him smile.

 

[Ganymede]

I'm in a queue of slow moving traffic, cycling home from my parents. Holding my own space because the road is narrow and not great, and certainly not wide enough or safe enough to consider queue hopping. When I finally get to the traffic lights which are on red, a 4x4 pulls alongside and the conversation goes as follows.

Him: get a car
Me: why do I need 2?
Him: (silence)
Me: on the other hand I could get a 4th bike
Him:
Me: but then my husband would want a 4th bike and we have a hard enough time as it is storing 6 bikes, 8 bikes would probably result in divorce which I guess would mean I only have to store 4 bike (now praying for the lights to change) which would make life a touch easier...
Him: (still silent)

Lights change and we go our separate ways.

I would like a "Like A Lot" option to click for that!

 

[Rezillo]

I am outside in the garden this afternoon. Mrs Rezillo emerges from the house clutching in both arms the old towel that is used as a cat blanket on the foot of the bed. The towel is rolled up into a rough bundle.

Mrs R: Man!
Me: Wot?
Mrs R: Can you have a look at this please? I think there's something in it that the cat left there.
Me: Is it alive?
Mrs R: I'm sure I saw it move. It's quite big.
Me: OK, stand back!

I grab the towel and unroll it with a dramatic flourish.

Me: Ta da!

A rolled up black sock falls onto the lawn.

Mrs R. Oh.
Me: Do you have any more live socks that you would like me to sort out?

 

[GrasB]

So I walk into a room, straight up to a 80" screen, pull out what looks to be a pen from my pocket & do a few things
Him: WHAT THE F**K?!
Me: Touch screen *starts to walk out the room*
Him: *walks up & tries to get the screen to work* But it doesn't work.
Me: *points at camera above the screen* face recognition!
Him: Really?! That's cool!
Me: No ... you need this pen
Him: ...

 

[Ganymede]

Dear Old Deaf Demented Dad strikes again - this one's a bit inexplicable.

Took them for a day out to the seaside today. I went in for a dip. A bit later:

Me: I do love to come out of the sea all salty.
DODDD (genuinely puzzled): "all donkey"?
Me (thinks): How in tarnation did you get to "donkey" from "salty"...? In what way would "donkey" ever be a good substitute for the word "salty", when I've just come out of the sea?"
Me (what I actually said): No dad, salty.
DODDD: Oh. *loses interest*

 

[Crackle]

Dear Old Deaf Demented Dad strikes again - this one's a bit inexplicable.

Took them for a day out to the seaside today. I went in for a dip. A bit later:

Me: I do love to come out of the sea all salty.
DODDD (genuinely puzzled): "all donkey"?
Me (thinks): How in tarnation did you get to "donkey" from "salty"...? In what way would "donkey" ever be a good substitute for the word "salty", when I've just come out of the sea?"
Me (what I actually said): No dad, salty.
DODDD: Oh. *loses interest*

You can see his point though. Coming out Donkey would peak most people's interest.