Give me some dialogue from your day

[Crackle]

On meeting my near neighbour out on a dog walk...

Neighbour: "All right Des, 'tis Des isn't it?"
Me: "No, Crackle."
Neighbour: "Crackle, don't know why I called you Des. How are you?"
Me: "I'm fine, how are you, feeling OK?"
Neighbour: "Up and down, you know, up and down. I got it right last time though didn't I?"
Me: "Yeah, you did" (or "no, you called me Des," depending)
Neighbour: "addressing dog, "Hello lad...What's his name?"
Me: "Dog's name"
Neighbour: "He's a lovely fella, How old is he?" Dog sits down in anticipation of his treat
Me: "He's four now, nearly"
We both chew the cud a bit....
Neighbour: "Anyway....."
Me: "Aye, see you again, look after yourself"

We have the same conversation roughly 2 or 3 times a week. He suffered a mild stroke last year which has affected his short term memory. For some reason I'm associated as a Des. I think my other neighbours must think my name is Des, as he sometimes calls to me down the street and I answer to his call of, "all right Des."

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Me: Bastard wind bastard wind bastard wind Bastard wind bastard wind bastard wind

 

[subaqua]

me: so we need to concentrate on ground and 1st this weekend to go live for monday . nothing else is to be done OK
Subcon: so we can work on level 2 as well.

bangs head against hard object many many times

 

[Matthew_T]

I was cycling along a coastal path approaching an area where people fish a lot and use the path. I notice a man on one side of the path and his fishing line on the other. He bends down to a bag and gets back up and turns around. He then starts walking slowly to his line.

Me: (Under my breath) What are you doing? Don't you dare walk out in front of me.
(Man starts walking in front of me so I start going around him when I notice another cyclist coming towards me).
Me: Oh for God's sake, why are you walking out without looking?
(Guy keeps walking even when I get to him)
Me: Jeeze this is going to be close. (I airzound him as I pass)
Old man: Eeerrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!
Other cyclist (blank look on his face): What is going on here?
Me: (Just avoids cyclist and looks behind me) OMFG! WTF was he thinking?
(Old man just stares at his fishing line and doesnt look at me)
Me: What on earth is he doing? Hasnt he even noticed what just happened?
Me: Broody maniac. Sigh...

I must admit that the old guy must have had a little poo because he didnt even bother to carry on walking, he just stopped when I passed him.

 

[funnymummy]

Out on the playground.....
Boy 1 Hugs me "You're a bit fat"
Boy 2 in defensive tone "You're not fat, you're just wide"

 

[funnymummy]

This just had me in hysterics....

My eldest & youngest son are in the other room watching TV, I have no idea what they are watching but Fynn just asked Callum "When you go to the toilet in a plane does your weewee & poos flush out into the sky?"

 

[MossCommuter]

This just had me in hysterics....

My eldest & youngest son are in the other room watching TV, I have no idea what they are watching but Fynn just asked Callum "When you go to the toilet in a plane does your weewee & poos flush out into the sky?"

Well??

Does it??

we need to know

 

[Speicher]

There is something wrong with my tv. I have asked the repairman to look at my tv aerial. When the sun goes down it freezes.

 

[Archie_tect]

... picture snowy?

 

[Noodley]

<person walks into my office> Can I ask you about this?
<me> No, piss off.
<person walks away again>....

 

[Theseus]

<MrsT & t2 watching Rush Hour 3>
MrsT: This is a place in Paris where the dancers take thier clothes off
t2: Why?

 

[Speicher]

... picture snowy?

Im a tawny wol, thk u.

 

[gbb]

During a discussion with my dad, a long since retired airframe fitter in the RAF...how fast things moved in the late 40s and 50s technology wise, from Spitfires and Hurricanes to English Electric Lightnings, Vulcans, Victors and Valliants...all in maybe 15 years, astounding leaps in technology.
After a crash involving a Vickers Valliant, he (amongst others) was instructed to check the airframe on aircraft at his base (Wyton i think)
He crawled out of the inspection hatch and said to his sargeant...
'i think you'd better have a look at this'
'Oh Jesus' or words to that effect from the sargeant, who hurried off to get someone more senior...who promptly arrived and summoned others more and more senior. He suspects within days the decision was made to scrap the entire fleet. He's got a Strike Command Commendation for his part. The Valliant of course suffered fatigue cracking in the spars due to changing its role from high altitude bomber, to low altitude. It was never designed for that role.
'Ironic' he said..'a commendation for costing the government billions probably'
I replied, 'no, the damage was done, you almost certainly saved aircrews lives by doing your job properly'

 

[Cubist]

Me: Where's the stopper for the black thermos?
Mrs C: It's in the cupboard.
Me: No it isn't, or at least it's not obvious.
Mrs C: They're all together.
Me: I feckin' hate this cupboard. That one doesn't fit, or that one.
Mrs C: Don't throw all the stuff out, I'll have to put it all back in when you've gone.
Me: I wouldn't need to if you stopped bloody hiding things.
Mrs C: I haven't hidden anything.
Me: Well I can't find it, oh shoot, I've broken the caffetiere now.
Mrs C: I told you not to pull everything out. Have you cut yourself?
Me: Looks like it. Ah, that one fits.
Mrs C: Told you they were all together.
Me: It wasn't, it was at the back behind the paella pan and the pressure cooker.
Mrs C: But it was in there. You just don't look.
Me: But it was inside the cup from the big wide silver thermos, how was I to know that?
Mrs C: You need to wipe the blood off the cupboard door, and you've got some on the chocolate fondue
Me: Bollocks.

 

[subaqua]

as the crdits roll up on K19 widowmaker.

Me- that was a good film wasn't it
eldest sprog- Dad , do they have toilets on submarines?