Give me some dialogue from your day

[Sandra6]

me (to grumpy teenager daughter) - I'm old, I'm supposed to be grumpy.
11 yr old - You're not old
Me - aw, thanks.
Her - you're only 40 (I'm not actually!) you've got another 10 years until you're old.
oh joy!

 

[Lanzecki]

The hot weather caused me to investigate the problems I was having with my Aircon (almost no airflow). Removing the cabin filters restored my aircon to "Arctic mode". But looking at the filters here required a visit to the dealer where I bought the Jeep and have had it religiously serviced since new in 2007.

"So when the service is done the cabin filters are changed as a matter of course?"
"Yes sir, we have copies of the invoices you signed saying you accepted they were changed"
"That's nice for you, but it's obvious they haven't been changed. There are bits off of trees that come from my mothers house in the UK. That Jeep hasn't been there for 3 years. They are very rare trees. While the items are on the list it doesn't appear that the work was done "
"I cannot account for that sir. The invoice show they were changed."
"Of course you cannot. For a filter that takes 2 mins for me to remove, I'm disappointed that it doesn't appear that they have been changed. It brings into question what other items were missed off the last service. Such as the fuel filter, oil. Ohh and the brake pads that you claim were changed last service. They still squeal you know"
"Let me get the service manager for you sir."
"Better then that, you can get me the Company Director, Chief Exec, whatever he calls himself"

By the time I left I had a full service booked in at their expense, with the promise that they would actually fix the brakes this time. Ohh, and that they would pay for an external mechanic to inspect the work done.

Not that I'll be using them ever again after that.

Note: I mentioned 'Jeep' above in the conversation. It's not a Jeep though. The Term Jeep in Ireland is used similarly to 4*4 in the UK.

 

[Lanzecki]

For you maybe, mate. Need a hug?

 

[Lanzecki]

Of my '4x4'? It's not pretty since it's a working wagon. I'll see what I can do. Maybe that will cheer you up.

 

[Ciar]

two skip hire companies in east london, one pretty local other a couple of miles away.. 1 month licence from both same price, difference in actual hire was £100! so you can guess which one got my business, also phoned up my gas/elec supplier to point out that the never amended my DD saved myself £22.

next task was renewal of contents insurance, as I live close to a river i had to give details of elevation, distance to river & has it ever flooded in the area, not something i knew the AA decided that they couldn't help me unless i knew, so i cancelled it went to meerkat land did a quote, phoned the council got the correct info, gave details to the new insurers, went from £70 a month down to £22, honesty insurance = rip off!

 

[Moon bunny]

Boss, (setting me up on a new project): "Take your time and make a good job of it, there is no hurry."

 

[Acyclo]

Me: "Where are the car keys?"
'Er indoors: "In my handbag."
Me: "Where is your handbag?"
'Er indoors: "It's under my coat."
Me: "Where is your coat?"
'Er indoors: "It's hanging up."
and so on.

 

[swee'pea99]

The hot weather caused me to investigate the problems I was having with my Aircon (almost no airflow). Removing the cabin filters restored my aircon to "Arctic mode". But looking at the filters here required a visit to the dealer where I bought the Jeep and have had it religiously serviced since new in 2007.

"So when the service is done the cabin filters are changed as a matter of course?"
"Yes sir, we have copies of the invoices you signed saying you accepted they were changed"
"That's nice for you, but it's obvious they haven't been changed. There are bits off of trees that come from my mothers house in the UK. That Jeep hasn't been there for 3 years. They are very rare trees. While the items are on the list it doesn't appear that the work was done "
"I cannot account for that sir. The invoice show they were changed."
"Of course you cannot. For a filter that takes 2 mins for me to remove, I'm disappointed that it doesn't appear that they have been changed. It brings into question what other items were missed off the last service. Such as the fuel filter, oil. Ohh and the brake pads that you claim were changed last service. They still squeal you know"
"Let me get the service manager for you sir."
"Better then that, you can get me the Company Director, Chief Exec, whatever he calls himself"

By the time I left I had a full service booked in at their expense, with the promise that they would actually fix the brakes this time. Ohh, and that they would pay for an external mechanic to inspect the work done.

Not that I'll be using them ever again after that.

Note: I mentioned 'Jeep' above in the conversation. It's not a Jeep though. The Term Jeep in Ireland is used similarly to 4*4 in the UK.

My sister's ex used to work at a Fraud main dealer in a pretty posh part of Central London. They used to get cars in for a service and give them what he called a spit service before sending them out with an itemised bill for £347.84 plus VAT. 'What's a spit service?' I asked. He demonstrated: raise the bonnet, have a quick look, spit on the engine, close the bonnet. All of these 'services' had time & motion approved hours attached - a full service on a Seville, five and a quarter hours, that sort of thing. The mechanics were paid according to the 'services' they logged. Many were routinely paid for 100+ hours work in a week, though everyone know they came in at 10, left at five, and had taken Thursday afternoon off this week "'cos me nan's not well'. This went on for, literally, years, till eventually the dealership got closed down...probably by Fraud, once they discovered what had been going on.

 

[Lanzecki]

.probably by Fraud, once they discovered what had been going on.

Sadly that doesn't surprise me. I used to have a company Ford Mondeo. I loved that car. Until the engine seazed 3 days after a 'service' due to no oil.

 

[Rickshaw Phil]

My sister's ex used to work at a Fraud main dealer in a pretty posh part of Central London. They used to get cars in for a service and give them what he called a spit service before sending them out with an itemised bill for £347.84 plus VAT. 'What's a spit service?' I asked. He demonstrated: raise the bonnet, have a quick look, spit on the engine, close the bonnet. All of these 'services' had time & motion approved hours attached - a full service on a Seville, five and a quarter hours, that sort of thing. The mechanics were paid according to the 'services' they logged. Many were routinely paid for 100+ hours work in a week, though everyone know they came in at 10, left at five, and had taken Thursday afternoon off this week "'cos me nan's not well'. This went on for, literally, years, till eventually the dealership got closed down...probably by Fraud, once they discovered what had been going on.

From my time in the fleet business, overcharging and/or failing to carry out work charged for was a regular occurrance. I personally proved that two Ford dealers were committing outright fraud (both went bust shortly afterwards, surprise ) and I often had battles with other dealers. One conversation went like this:

Workshop Manager: I need authorization for a 50,000 mile service, new wiper blades and front brake pads and discs.
Me: What's wrong with the pads and discs?
W.M.: Worn below the minimum mate. They're almost metal-to-metal.
Me: Would you like to check on that, my records show this car had pads and discs 3,000 miles ago.

(Slight pause while he disappears back to the workshop)

W.M.: I've just checked and they're okay for the moment.
Me: Funny that.
W.M.: Yeah, it was a shadow on the disc.

 

[EltonFrog]

Drunk bloke in his late fifties leaning with both hands on a lamp post in the high street talking to another bloke from the pub.

<husky smoky voice>

(PB) I've just been diagnosed with Parkinsons
oh yeah?
(PB) Yeah, never noticed it 'till this morning though like.
oh yeah?
(PB) Yeah, felt ill this morning, I MEAN, like proper ill. Like, ILL ILL ILL.... ILL....feck.
Yeah?
(PB) Yeah.

It was bit sad really.

 

[gbb]

Some recent ones...
In the canteen, my (tall) colleague gets up and very slightly loses his balance and has to put his hand on a chair to steady himself..
Me...'Bloody ell David, do you need stabilisers ? '
David...'Wha ?'
Me..'Or did you catch a gust of wind up there ?
David...

Earlier, he'd told me a joke i didn't quite understand...
Me...'Eh ?'
Him...'Christ, you've got to spoon feed some people '
Me...'Haha...that was funnier than your joke '

The wife with a colleague who holidays in the States...
Colleague...'Where are you going on holiday ?'
Wife...'Turkey'
Colleague..'But people are getting killed out there in those riots'
Wife...'People get killed all the time in America '

With my grandaughter, playing with her play tea set...
'This one is yours Grandad'
'Aww, thanks, is it tea ?'
'No, its lemon water'
'It's lovely'
'That cost £2 please'

 

[laurence]

my (prospective) new employer is waiting on my old one to supply a reference (the other referee has done so) and until that comes i cannot start. they did want me to start this monday and i went in to see them 2 days ago for lunch and to meet the team.

i got a call at lunchtime saying they still hadn't had the reference, despite me chasing the old lot by email and i had figured i'd be starting a week later.

4.40 and the 'phone goes...
"hello, it's HR at (insert new employer's name here), we've just had the reference through... see you at 9.30 on Monday"

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!

 

[Andy_R]

my (prospective) new employer is waiting on my old one to supply a reference (the other referee has done so) and until that comes i cannot start. they did want me to start this monday and i went in to see them 2 days ago for lunch and to meet the team.

i got a call at lunchtime saying they still hadn't had the reference, despite me chasing the old lot by email and i had figured i'd be starting a week later.

4.40 and the 'phone goes...
"hello, it's HR at (insert new employer's name here), we've just had the reference through... see you at 9.30 on Monday"

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!

 

[Arch]

A colleague of mine brings in a lot of cake and stuff leftover from the cafe his wife works in.

I said to him today: "I'm hoping you'll ask me what's happened to all the cake and stuff you brought in yesterday".

"Why?"
"Because I'll say " 'scone....."

<groan>

So, we're indoors at lunchtime, and our boss comes down to the kitchen to make his lunch, and Jonny suddenly says to me:

"Sue! What happened to all that cake I brought yesterday?!"

" 'scone!"

Boss: "Have you two been waiting to make that joke all morning?"