Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
'I knew i shouldnt have stripped them both out, shoulda left one in so i could use it as reference'
'Why ?'
'Cos ive just assembled it wrong
'
15 minutes later, having stripped it out again, made some modifications, re-assembled it again....
'Doh...i've done it again
...(expletive deleted)..'
'I didn't realise, we got so hooked up in the mods, i forgot we did it wrong in the first place'
15 minutes later, after grunting and groaning while bending forwards in a darkened space trying to hit a tiny dowel pin in a restricted space....
'Kin ell ....who designed this piece of cr@p...it's not a good advert mate, i'm supposed to be training you, i can't even get it right myself '
'Well. it's shown how easy it is to get wrong, i'm glad in a way i realise now how it can be re-assembled so many different ways'
To qualify the above, its a fiendish little assembly of springs, shafts, supports, flaps and clamps operated by pneumatic cylinders, all in the darkened recesses of a machine with hard corners everywhere...just waiting to hurt your poor unsuspecting head
.....
'Why ?'
'Cos ive just assembled it wrong
'15 minutes later, having stripped it out again, made some modifications, re-assembled it again....
'Doh...i've done it again
...(expletive deleted)..''I didn't realise, we got so hooked up in the mods, i forgot we did it wrong in the first place'
15 minutes later, after grunting and groaning while bending forwards in a darkened space trying to hit a tiny dowel pin in a restricted space....
'Kin ell
....who designed this piece of cr@p...it's not a good advert mate, i'm supposed to be training you, i can't even get it right myself ''Well. it's shown how easy it is to get wrong, i'm glad in a way i realise now how it can be re-assembled so many different ways'
To qualify the above, its a fiendish little assembly of springs, shafts, supports, flaps and clamps operated by pneumatic cylinders, all in the darkened recesses of a machine with hard corners everywhere...just waiting to hurt your poor unsuspecting head
.....
Puddles
Do I need to get the spray plaster out?
- Location
- Hamble, Southampton
Mum has been away with a friend on hols for a few days, Dad has been left un-supervised, apart from changing the bed late last night before Mum came home (dad is too old & knackered to manage it) I had not been in while she had been away as they had the decorators in & small children & paint don't tend to mix
anyhoo
After school I popped in so children could see Nana.
they headed for the mostly un-used room that has there toys in it
The cat had been sick in there (dad who had not been in that room did not know)
Squidge: (7 y/o) Nana there is something nasty on the carpet in there & I didn't do it
User76 (2.5 y/o) Nana Nana Foo Foo
Nana: Oh dear poor Lily has been sick, I suppose Papa didn't notice (looks pointedly)
Papa : Oh no I shall clean it up
When we go to leave the usual request for hugs & kisses from the children is asked
Papa: Can I have a kiss goodbye
Maggot: No, Papa touch cat foo foo from cat bum
Papa: No it was sick from her mouth not her bum, so can I have a kiss
Maggot: No, Papa touch cat foo foo from cat mouth, Papa Foo Foo. Nana kiss, Nana not touch cat foo foo
anyhoo
After school I popped in so children could see Nana.
they headed for the mostly un-used room that has there toys in it
The cat had been sick in there (dad who had not been in that room did not know)
Squidge: (7 y/o) Nana there is something nasty on the carpet in there & I didn't do it
User76 (2.5 y/o) Nana Nana Foo Foo
Nana: Oh dear poor Lily has been sick, I suppose Papa didn't notice (looks pointedly)
Papa : Oh no I shall clean it up
When we go to leave the usual request for hugs & kisses from the children is asked
Papa: Can I have a kiss goodbye
Maggot: No, Papa touch cat foo foo from cat bum
Papa: No it was sick from her mouth not her bum, so can I have a kiss
Maggot: No, Papa touch cat foo foo from cat mouth, Papa Foo Foo. Nana kiss, Nana not touch cat foo foo
simon the viking
Guru
A customer hands me a "No-brand" car DVD player....
Customer: Got a lead fit that?
Me: Don't think so what brand is it?
Customer: Don't know hoping you would.....
Me: Sorry no you need to google the serial number or model number and then take the information to an car stereo specialist... (we are a motor factors and dont do audio)
Customer: Cheers mate (and leaves)
Me (to colleague): And before he continues to mess about with car electrics I hope stops smoking Wacky Backy...... where's the air freshner?
Customer: Got a lead fit that?
Me: Don't think so what brand is it?
Customer: Don't know hoping you would.....
Me: Sorry no you need to google the serial number or model number and then take the information to an car stereo specialist... (we are a motor factors and dont do audio)
Customer: Cheers mate (and leaves)
Me (to colleague): And before he continues to mess about with car electrics I hope stops smoking Wacky Backy...... where's the air freshner?
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
NT and I were walking on Southport beach today, looking at the various shells left behind by the tide.
Me: Oh, what's that one. (something oviod half buried in the sand)
NT: Bivalve?
Me: (prodding it out of the sand and rolling it over with my foot) No! It's an egg. A whole egg.
NT: Oh yes.
Me: Yeah. Well, it might be a bird's egg.
NT <pause> Well, yeah...
Me: <pause>
NT:
I think I meant to say 'a seabird's egg'. In fact, it was chicken egg sized, although white, which is less common these days.
Never mind, it kept NT laughing for ages!
(If it wasn't a bird's egg, I didn't want to see the fish that laid it!)
Me: Oh, what's that one. (something oviod half buried in the sand)
NT: Bivalve?
Me: (prodding it out of the sand and rolling it over with my foot) No! It's an egg. A whole egg.
NT: Oh yes.
Me: Yeah. Well, it might be a bird's egg.
NT <pause> Well, yeah...
Me: <pause>
NT:
I think I meant to say 'a seabird's egg'. In fact, it was chicken egg sized, although white, which is less common these days.
Never mind, it kept NT laughing for ages!
(If it wasn't a bird's egg, I didn't want to see the fish that laid it!)
swee'pea99
Squire
Overheard while supping a pint in Hampstead...
"Well yes, I want to go on holiday, but I don't want to stay in England; I want to go to, like, Mozambique?'
"Well yes, I want to go on holiday, but I don't want to stay in England; I want to go to, like, Mozambique?'
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
At Levy Towers... father and the two younger children are looking at the Indian takeaway that was delivered at 17:58. It's now 18:02.
Wife: Where's Sam. It's not like him to be late?
Me: He's two minutes late lets start eating now.
Wife: No. We'll wait for him. I wonder if I said seven o'clock and not six.
Me: Ring him and find out.
Wife: But what if he's driving? He'll not answer.
Me: I'm not waiting until seven to find out that's what you said.
Wife: He's not answering his phone. Perhaps he's had an accident.
Me: Perhaps he's driving over. He'll be here any time now.
Me: I'm starting with the starters.
Son!: I'm with you dad
Daughter: I'm not starting without my favourite brother.
Son 2 and I in unison: Creep!
Wife: But what if he's had an accident?
Me: We'd have a visit from the police.
Wife: What are we going to do?
Son 2 and I in unison: Eat the food!
Wife: But his last text said I'll be there for six or do you want me sooner?
Me: Did you respond?
Wife: No. Do you think I should put the food in the oven to keep warm.
Son 2 and I in unison: No!
Front door opens and son 1 walks in. It's four minutes past six.
Wife: Where have you been? Your late. You're never late. Why didn't you ring me? Why didn't you answer the phone? Don't you care? The foods getting cold.
The family unit is metamorphosing into a Jewish family unit. My wife is becoming a jewish mother. She'll be insisting that the boys are wearing vests next. I'm going to have to formulate a survival strategy to cope with the insanity of her logic.
Back on the rum to dull the pain.
Wife: Where's Sam. It's not like him to be late?
Me: He's two minutes late lets start eating now.
Wife: No. We'll wait for him. I wonder if I said seven o'clock and not six.
Me: Ring him and find out.
Wife: But what if he's driving? He'll not answer.
Me: I'm not waiting until seven to find out that's what you said.
Wife: He's not answering his phone. Perhaps he's had an accident.
Me: Perhaps he's driving over. He'll be here any time now.
Me: I'm starting with the starters.
Son!: I'm with you dad
Daughter: I'm not starting without my favourite brother.
Son 2 and I in unison: Creep!
Wife: But what if he's had an accident?
Me: We'd have a visit from the police.
Wife: What are we going to do?
Son 2 and I in unison: Eat the food!
Wife: But his last text said I'll be there for six or do you want me sooner?
Me: Did you respond?
Wife: No. Do you think I should put the food in the oven to keep warm.
Son 2 and I in unison: No!
Front door opens and son 1 walks in. It's four minutes past six.
Wife: Where have you been? Your late. You're never late. Why didn't you ring me? Why didn't you answer the phone? Don't you care? The foods getting cold.
The family unit is metamorphosing into a Jewish family unit. My wife is becoming a jewish mother. She'll be insisting that the boys are wearing vests next. I'm going to have to formulate a survival strategy to cope with the insanity of her logic.
Back on the rum to dull the pain.
The wife and I took the kids to my mum's yesterday, it was overcast but very warm so we were all sitting in the garden. My little girl started moaning about an ant being near her. My wife pondered for a moment before asking, "Is there anything that actually eats ants?" As the last words fell from her lips she realised the obvious answer but that didn't stop us all laughing at her.
laurence
Veteran
- Location
- in the aeroplane over the sea
'phone rang twice today, but it said 'private number' so i ignored it as i wanted to try and relax today after struggling with application forms yesterday.
then i had a voicemail. it was from a charity i had an interview with last week and they wanted to talk.
me: hello, it's me, you left a message, sorry i was busy.
them: yes, it's about the interview last week. we'd like to offer you the job.
after that it got a bit blurry. it's a part-time role, but the money is better than the old post, so works out only a bit less. plus, more leave.
think i need to lie down now!
then i had a voicemail. it was from a charity i had an interview with last week and they wanted to talk.
me: hello, it's me, you left a message, sorry i was busy.
them: yes, it's about the interview last week. we'd like to offer you the job.
after that it got a bit blurry. it's a part-time role, but the money is better than the old post, so works out only a bit less. plus, more leave.
think i need to lie down now!
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
FX: Various noises of sawing, hammering, drilling etc.
NT and I are constructing a saw horse.
NT: There, so we join this piece to these two, and that to those and it'll fold up...
FX: More woodwork noises.
NT: There! So, we'll unfold it now...
FX: Grunting noises
NT: Um.
Me: Um.
NT: We've screwed those bits to the wrong bits haven't we?
Me: Um...
NT: Poo. Undo them...
FX: Woodwork noises.
NT: There! THAT'S right!
And it was:
NT and I are constructing a saw horse.
NT: There, so we join this piece to these two, and that to those and it'll fold up...
FX: More woodwork noises.
NT: There! So, we'll unfold it now...
FX: Grunting noises
NT: Um.
Me: Um.
NT: We've screwed those bits to the wrong bits haven't we?
Me: Um...
NT: Poo. Undo them...
FX: Woodwork noises.
NT: There! THAT'S right!
And it was:
annaspanna
Active Member
threebikesmcginty
Corn Fed Hick...
- Location
- ...on the slake
Distant Indian voice - I am from the C A B
Me - oh yeah
Div - you reported having an accident in the last 3 years.
Me - no I didn't
Div - well it says...
Me - look, you keep ringing and we keep telling you not to bother
Div - I'm not trying to sell anything
Me - whatever you're phoning for I don't bloody well want it *slams phone down*
Mrs 3BM - I don't think there was any need to swear
Me - well for f*cks sake he wouldn't f*ck off and he's a lying ****, C A B my f*cking arse!!!
Me - oh yeah
Div - you reported having an accident in the last 3 years.
Me - no I didn't
Div - well it says...
Me - look, you keep ringing and we keep telling you not to bother
Div - I'm not trying to sell anything
Me - whatever you're phoning for I don't bloody well want it *slams phone down*
Mrs 3BM - I don't think there was any need to swear
Me - well for f*cks sake he wouldn't f*ck off and he's a lying ****, C A B my f*cking arse!!!
