Favorite 'One Liners'

[Electric_Andy]

A lady I used to work with in the co-op, she was always on the checkout but when it was quiet was asked to do other things like top up the cigs and newspapers. She came out with this cracker which I found hilarious:
Stick a broom up my @ss and I'll sweep the floor as well

 

[ClichéGuevara]

My brother says hello, so hooray for speech therapy. Emo Phillips.

 

[steveindenmark]

Are you wearing that head for an idiot?

 

[steveindenmark]

"You have got as much chance as knitting fog."

Selwyn

 

[Supersuperleeds]

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your hat off.

 

[Supersuperleeds]

Stupid boy.

 

[cyberknight]

Ray, if someone asks are you a god you say yes .

 

[Jotheboat]

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

 

[Drago]

If your brains was viagra you'd still be flaccid.

 

[stephec]

Are you wearing that head for an idiot?

On a similar theme, somewhere not far away there's a village missing it's idiot.

 

[Dave7]

I can still laugh at this but many years ago I worked for a medium sized engineering company (80 people) and the receptionist/secretary was well endowed and a bit dozy.
One day the boss said to me "if her brains were as big as her t*ts we could all go home".
Not politically correct now but it really was funny.

 

[Drago]

Who put 20p in the d***head?

 

[Proto]

Is that a full stop or a hyphen coming right at ya? - Steve Wright

 

[cyberknight]

jiggle it granville

 

[simongt]

"You have got as much chance as knitting fog."

Or a variation of his; 'You might as well try and herd cats - !'