CycleChat's cycling twonk of the year

[Andrew_Culture]

Well... Me, clever as ever, after travelling to France with my bike 'broken' in a box, thought I was good enough to put it back together by myself. I was! Phew! Only when I was hitting 52kph down the hill, I though my handlebar wasn't quite straight. Kept looking at it, it kept going left, the wheel going right... Hmm... Stopped to see what was wrong with the damn thing - nothing! Just I forgot to tighten ALL the screws! Putting it back on isn't quite enough... It could have gone so wrong. Guess I'm a lucky clumsy.

I'd forgotten this, but I made a shim out of a Guinness can and found out it was no good when cornering up a hill at speed. Or should that be 'attempting to corner'.

 

[Profpointy]

I'd forgotten this, but I made a shim out of a Guinness can and found out it was no good when cornering up a hill at speed. Or should that be 'attempting to corner'.

Actually there's nothing wrong with Guiness can as shim material. I think the great Robert Pirsig himself said it was the best shim material in the world - long time since I read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - a great book by the way

 

[CopperCyclist]

OK, I have one, but it really was a friend. So good though that I have to share, but so bad that I definitely won't name names!

So, I'm part of a charity ride, that like many others, decide that is a plan to travel by cycle to Paris. All has gone well and at the start of day three we have all just got off the ferry. The organisers have decided that for safety reasons, they didn't want us cycling off the boat competing with the lorries and such, so the support vehicles carry us and the bikes about two miles inland then pull up and start getting all the bikes off.

One of the ladies with us has realized that she needs the toilet. Whilst she didn't divulge it at the time of course, she required a 'number two'. Luckily, on looking around, she notices we have seemed to stop in an area with a number of hotels serving the port, so while everyone is getting ready, she runs off to use their facilities. She finds a suitable venue, heads in, and quickly locates a downstairs toilet in the reception area. She gratefully partakes of the facilities, and comes out to see a shocked French family, including children at open-mouthed at their breakfast table staring at her. It's only at this point she realizes that she hasn't entered one of the hotels, but instead a rather posh private residence. She can do nothing but stammer "oh sorry... Thanks... Merci... Sorry" and run out. Her bike was ready when she got to the van, and everyone found it strange at the time the way she went off like a shot that day...

 

[jack smith]

undid the qr's on my s works to clean them and balanced them back on while i went to grab a towel i totally forgot what i was doing and i took it out on a test spin, theres a speedbump out side my house and the wheels somehow fell off when i bounced over it.... no idea how!

 

[Fiona R]

5 days and 94 gems of twonkish behaviour, priceless. My laughter is silent, I can't breathe and tears are streaming down my face and I have only read page 1!

 

[Ganymede]

5 days and 94 gems of twonkish behaviour, priceless. My laughter is silent, I can't breathe and tears are streaming down my face and I have only read page 1!

I call it the thread that keeps on giving

 

[Jon George]

5 days and 94 gems of twonkish behaviour, priceless. My laughter is silent, I can't breathe and tears are streaming down my face and I have only read page 1!

When I put up the original post, I stated that I could weep at my own stupidity. I was immediately outclassed. I have been convulsed by the various admissions, and yes, genuine tears of laughter have been shed by me in the last few days. The thing that has genuinely impressed me has been the unashamed delight people have taken in their own self-deprecation. I thought I was a rare breed in doing the same, but perhaps it goes with the territory of being a cyclist. Or perhaps just being human and having a sense of humour.

 

[September]

I forgot to keep my crank arm up when taking a small roundabout at 20mph and nearly got bounced off my bike. It's a silly nooby mistake, I can accept that, but...

... I did it again 3 minutes later when taking a left hand turn. The back wheel came off the floor, I lost control, veered onto the wrong side of the road and nearly hit an oncoming taxi. He wasn't happy, let's leave it at that.

Very, very very stupid, selfish, dangerous and embarrassing. Needless to say - a lesson learned.

 

[Longshot]

Sorry, another cleat moment but it's the setting that makes it special.

Locally to us we have the old Brooklands race track. They've turned part of the old land in the middle into a play area and bike track amongst other things. It's hugely popular and is full of little kids learning to ride, skateboard, etc. We were taking our boys down there one Sunday and, due to the fact I had little free time, suggested I'd cycle down there myself and meet up with them.

All was well. I met the wife and kids at the [very crowded] bike track, already feeling a little out of place in full lycra. I was quite easy to see, being the tallest cyclist there by an order of three feet. As I was chatting to my wife, sitting on the bike with one foot on a pedal, you know what happened next don't you?

Mortifying!

 

[Flying_Monkey]

I worked at a pub for a while that was a short ride to my folks' place along country lanes. Coming back after closing time, it was a real pleasure to cycle back under the most beautiful night skies. One night however I was so entranced looking up at the Milky Way that I cycled straight off the road. I don't know quite what happened but I woke up, relatively unharmed, inside a hawthorne hedge, which took me about half an hour to get out of, with numerous scratches, before I could retrieve the bike and be on my way. In the morning, it looked like I'd been attacked by a gang of cats...

 

[Rickshaw Phil]

I'm sure no one would do this , but don't inadvertently fit the octalink adaptor to your crank puller when trying to remove a square taper crank. "Crikey, this is bloody tight"......."Oh, all the threads are coming out in a little coil."

Out on the road: A steep downhill, a road covered in compacted snow, a bend coming up - what could possibly go wrong? Ending up lying in the ditch still holding onto the bike while my lights continue skittering along the ice, that's what.

 

[Stonechat]

When I was a lad I fancied trying to ride my bike with my hands crossed over
Seems my brain could not the reversal and ended up with scraped elbow

 

[Bollo]

Internal dialog on yesterdays ride - about 8% up, so not going fast.....

"Look at that little chunk of branch on the road 20 yards ahead. Glad I spotted that - could cause a nasty p******. I'll just move to the right....hmm pothole....move to left.....to right...."
pssssssssssssssssssssss.
"F***!"

 

[CopperCyclist]

When I was a lad I fancied trying to ride my bike with my hands crossed over
Seems my brain could not the reversal and ended up with scraped elbow

Oh ****....
Has anyone else just thought 'I have to try that and see' even knowing now the inevitable result. Damn you...

 

[up hill struggle]

so which way does the arrow point when it is at the top of the wheel (12 oclock).

makes no difference now which way the arrows point, the tyres are on top of a kitchen unit & after i returned the bike for a refund, got a bike now instead of a bso & tyres don't fit the new bike