CycleChat's cycling twonk of the year

[Profpointy]

How about picking up a brand new Condor fixie from their shop in central London and riding it back to my car in Ealing. Never ridden in London before, and only ever had one go on a fixie some 35 years previously in a quiet West Wales town. Nearly fell off forgetting to pedal when turning into the Strand - but got away with it and gained confidence. By the time I got back to Ealing, I was ready to try a track stand at the traffic lights.....

.... you can fill in the rest.

 

[up hill struggle]

replaced mountain bike tyres, fitted the new slicks to the bike stood back to admire my work, found the tyres were fitted with direction of travel to the rear & not the front, removed rims, removed tyres, refit tyres & rims & stand back to admire work for a second time & find ive just fitted tyres back to front for the second time. Finally got it right 3rd time round.

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

replaced mountain bike tyres, fitted the new slicks to the bike stood back to admire my work, found the tyres were fitted with direction of travel to the rear & not the front, removed rims, removed tyres, refit tyres & rims & stand back to admire work for a second time & find ive just fitted tyres back to front for the second time. Finally got it right 3rd time round.

so which way does the arrow point when it is at the top of the wheel (12 oclock).

 

[TheDoctor]

My particular ones have included :-
Fitting the entire transmission the wrong way round, so the chain-wheel and chain were on the left hand side of the bike. Looks like it should work, doesn't.
Sticking my tongue to a bottle of frozen vodka. Ouch.
Cycling home in a state of overwhelming refreshment, I almost got knocked off by an ambulance.
I think I should stop now...

 

[AndyRM]

My particular ones have included :-
Fitting the entire transmission the wrong way round, so the chain-wheel and chain were on the left hand side of the bike. Looks like it should work, doesn't.

How far did you get before the whole thing un-threaded and fell into the road?

 

[alans]

How about forgetting said bike is on the roof and going into a ground level multi story...

Bike was just ripped off the roof ! Luckily there was no one behind me !!!

I've done the same but on a car park with height restriction bars.

There were extenuating circumstances.Someone else drove the car into the car park fitted the bike to the roof bars & drove out of the car park;minus my Dawes Sardar.

 

[up hill struggle]

when i was 16 my mate & i called into a business that had contacted our school asking if any pupils would interested in doing an apprenticeship fitting compressors & pipework in businesses across northern ireland.

now i had no interest in doing that kind of work but only went for moral support for my mate. While we were there i somehow got talked into joining my mate for a 2 week trial, told one of us would get the job and one would be paid & let go at the end of the 2 weeks, i agreed thinking 2 weeks wages would be handy, it became obvious that i was better suited to the work than my mate & on the final day we were both called into the office my mate was paid i was given the job. They asked if we would mind changing the oil on the bosses wife car & cleaning it out inside as they were going away for the weekend, i changed the oil & my mate started cleaning inside the car & was doing a bad job of it so we swapped & i finished cleaning inside after i filled the engine with oil & we both went home happy since he got paid & i got a job.

Monday morning my new boss was in rotten form when he arrived at work cursing & swearing all over the place after 10 minutes i was informed that my mate although by this time he was being referred to the f###ing idiot had drained the the engine oil & then put the new engine oil into the gear box. The boss managed to get 50 miles into there trip on Friday after work before the engine seized & the whole engine was wrecked, boss had looked out the window on Friday & saw me vacuuming inside the car & blamed my mate for draining & then refilling the oil wrecking the engine. I never did own up to that, however did tell my mate if he ever saw my boss coming towards him in the shops or garage that it was be best if he did a vanishing act.

 

[RhythMick]

when i was 16 my mate & i called into a business that had contacted our school asking if any pupils would interested in doing an apprenticeship fitting compressors & pipework in businesses across northern ireland.

now i had no interest in doing that kind of work but only went for moral support for my mate. While we were there i somehow got talked into joining my mate for a 2 week trial, told one of us would get the job and one would be paid & let go at the end of the 2 weeks, i agreed thinking 2 weeks wages would be handy, it became obvious that i was better suited to the work than my mate & on the final day we were both called into the office my mate was paid i was given the job. They asked if we would mind changing the oil on the bosses wife car & cleaning it out inside as they were going away for the weekend, i changed the oil & my mate started cleaning inside the car & was doing a bad job of it so we swapped & i finished cleaning inside after i filled the engine with oil & we both went home happy since he got paid & i got a job.

Monday morning my new boss was in rotten form when he arrived at work cursing & swearing all over the place after 10 minutes i was informed that my mate although by this time he was being referred to the f###ing idiot had drained the the engine oil & then put the new engine oil into the gear box. The boss managed to get 50 miles into there trip on Friday after work before the engine seized & the whole engine was wrecked, boss had looked out the window on Friday & saw me vacuuming inside the car & blamed my mate for draining & then refilling the oil wrecking the engine. I never did own up to that, however did tell my mate if he ever saw my boss coming towards him in the shops or garage that it was be best if he did a vanishing act.

That's surely a Simon Mayo confession if ever I heard one

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Is that second one a Grifter?

Ive never known anyone bend one of those pig iron beasts!

Ha, I know! Falling off that bike was like getting trapped under a motorbike!

 

[Andrew_Culture]

replaced mountain bike tyres, fitted the new slicks to the bike stood back to admire my work, found the tyres were fitted with direction of travel to the rear & not the front, removed rims, removed tyres, refit tyres & rims & stand back to admire work for a second time & find ive just fitted tyres back to front for the second time. Finally got it right 3rd time round.

I put slicks on my MTB then went out in the rain. It was a harshly fast way to find out that while my body might wish to take the corner the bike preferred to go it's own way.

 

[Profpointy]

I put slicks on my MTB then went out in the rain. It was a harshly fast way to find out that while my body might wish to take the corner the bike preferred to go it's own way.

On grass or mud, fair enough, but if it was on road, then you fell off through going too fast in the rain - knobblies would have been just as bad (or worse).
(sorry to derail the thread with details)

 

[up hill struggle]

That's surely a Simon Mayo confession if ever I heard one

lol, the music from the show just fits that story perfectly,

funny thing looking back on it was that on the Monday morning when my boss told me what f##k wit did my internal screams of nobility & wanting to defend my best friend did make me blurt out the words,

no, he didn't!
the boss looked at me, shook his head & said,
yeah, he did! As if he couldn't believe it either.

by then the screams of nobility had been replaced with screams of self preservation that where now telling me to shut up and don't say anything else & that I had got away with it.

my mate & i have had a laugh over that everytime we've got together for a drink.

 

[Claudia]

Well... Me, clever as ever, after travelling to France with my bike 'broken' in a box, thought I was good enough to put it back together by myself. I was! Phew! Only when I was hitting 52kph down the hill, I though my handlebar wasn't quite straight. Kept looking at it, it kept going left, the wheel going right... Hmm... Stopped to see what was wrong with the damn thing - nothing! Just I forgot to tighten ALL the screws! Putting it back on isn't quite enough... It could have gone so wrong. Guess I'm a lucky clumsy.

 

[Profpointy]

Well... Me, clever as ever, after travelling to France with my bike 'broken' in a box, thought I was good enough to put it back together by myself. I was! Phew! Only when I was hitting 52kph down the hill, I though my handlebar wasn't quite straight. Kept looking at it, it kept going left, the wheel going right... Hmm... Stopped to see what was wrong with the damn thing - nothing! Just I forgot to tighten ALL the screws! Putting it back on isn't quite enough... It could have gone so wrong. Guess I'm a lucky clumsy.

I've done that with car wheel nuts once. Just nipped them up meaning to get the big spanner to do 'em up tight.
Off to work next morning; mm, something not quite right - all a bit loose again - but no tools. Had to do 'em up with my fingers - drive on a bit, repeat. A bit wobbly - only 50 yards to go, I'll make it - wheel finally dropped off turning into works car park (didn't fall right off, but the hub landed in the dish of the wheel.) Found all four nuts on the floor - and borrowed a proper spanner - all's well that ends well.

 

[Scoosh]

MOD NOTE:
Let's keep them to cycling twonkery, please - they are so much better !