Crossing the language barrier

[ColinJ]

A topical one.

We have come to Geraardsbergen in Belgium to watch the start of the Transcontinental Race. I was trying to explain to our French speaking host where we were going to no avail. I thought it was my pronounciation as Geraardsbergen is 10 minutes away. It turns out the French part of Belgium call it Gramont and refuse point blank to recognise any other name for it.

I was out on a pre-GPS tour of the hills of West Yorkshire and had just descended a nightmarishly steep hill near Huddersfield. I didn't fancy having to go back up it so I sought the help of an elderly pedestrian ...

ColinJ: Excuse me please - How far are we from Slaithwaite?

Man: Sorry, never 'eard of it. Say it again...

Me, trying harder: Slay-th-wait?

Man: No... Spell it out.

Me: S-L-A-I-T-H-W-A-I-T-E?

Man: Oh, Slough-it - you're 'ere - THIS is Slough-it. Why didn't you say that!

Me (speechless):

 

[alicat]

^^^^ I got that once. When I was much much younger, I tried to buy a train ticket from Leeds to Slaithwaite and the man took pity on me and told me it was pronounced 'Sloughit'.

 

[Ian H]

A friend told me of a Peter England, supported tour in (I think) Taiwan.
The luggage truck broke down and Mr E needed to hire a replacement. At the hotel reception he keyed his request into one of those small translator thingies that used to be popular, pressed translate and handed it over. The receptionist smiled in recognition, disappeared into a back room, and returned smiling, with a glass of water.

 

[gbb]

I still don't know if the subtle differences between Spanish Spanish and South American Spanish was the problem or whether the barman, who was a light hearted fella who liked a laugh, was the problem.
Arrived at the hotel bar in Uruguay and asked for 'una cerveza pequena for favor'...which seemed to work in Spain.
He replied...'You want a little boy beer ? '

Perhaps he drank pints and anything less was laughable ...or perhaps the translation or my pronunciation didn't work.

 

[dodgy]

Enjoyed reading this thread thinking I had nothing to offer, then suddenly remembered a day in Sardinia many years ago.

I was with the RAF MTB team on a 2 week training camp, idea being to benefit from some warm and dry away from the UK (it rained almost every day). On our first day, we did a shakedown ride away from the base we were at, just a 30 mile spin. We got lost and happened across a local, none of us spoke a word of Italian, so we started doing impressions of fighter aircraft, arms out by our sides and 'dagga-dagga-dagga' machine gun sounds, in the hope this would get us directions back to the airbase. Then followed lots of attempts at saying 'military' and 'airport', until after about 5 minutes "Ah, si! aeroporto militare!" from the local who then gave us directions. I'm sure he was playing us along.

 

[bruce1530]

Closer to home, I read a story in a local paper about a chap who was applying for planning permission to build a new house, on a site at the shore. He wanted to give it a Gaelic name, and had decided on the Gaelic version of “The Boat House”.

The planning department pointed out that the Gaelic word for “boat” was “bád”, not “bod”, and his proposed house name “Tigh na Bod” translated as “The House of the Penis”

 

[craigwend]

Many years ago on a lovely trip to Paris with my future wife and two friends, a lady came up to me and asked me a question, in my best ' French ' I replied, 'I'm sorry I don't speak French" , she looked a bit confused, so I repeated my ' phrase' a bit louder and with my best French accent, at which point she stormed off... I turned round and future Mrs craigwend and friends were in hysterics , I'd apparently said '' Do you not speak French?" in a very indignant tone ... Explains why I gave up French at 13

 

[Venod]

Many years ago on a trip to London, my mate tried a shirt on in Kensington Market, the shop assistant said how is it ?

he said, "its tu tight wernt fit" after repeating this several times his girlfriend interpreted with her best English accent.

The shirt is too small, I believe he needs a bigger size.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

The wife and I were in a Philadelphia restaurant chatting over lunch when the waiter, who had been hovering nearby, came over and asked "Excuse me, I heard you talking and I'm studying French at College - whereabouts in France are you from?"

I know Dundonian and Fife can be thick accents but French?

 

[Dave7]

Mid 70’s, I got off a delapidated old bus near Tiberius, hoping I was somewhere near my destination, Degania.. With not a word of Hebrew in my vocabulary, I asked a passing local (probably a Druse Arab) for directions.
Our only common language was French.
It worked.

On a business trip to Israel I was staying next to the beach in Telaviv. I got a bus to Jerusalem, had the meeting and got a bus back. I explained in pigeon english that I needed the main bus station.......and asked him to tell me when we arrived......which he did.
When I got off it looked so different and realised I was lost so.......I collared a local and showed him my hotel details. He pointed to a bus and I shook my head then used my fingers to indicated I wanted to walk. He then shook his head (crazy English) and pointed the direction. So in 85 degree heat I set off.
What I didnt realise is that Telaviv is massive and I had got off at ONE of the bus depots.
5 miles later and absolutely knackered I staggered into my hotel.

 

[stalagmike]

Erm Portuguese

Just to be clear. I thought I was speaking Spanish, but said something in Portuguese, and she was Brazilian. And I didn't get her number.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Can't remember what I asked but I had been in South America for 4.5 months, then 3 months in Australia, then I arrived in Tokyo. I went to the tourist information to arrange some trips. My brain saw all the Japanese signs, panicked, went quick speak a foreign lsnguage, and came out with Spanish. The Japanese guide look at me puzzled, then tentatively said "English speak?" , "erm yes.." I responded.

 

[Mr Celine]

On a family holiday we were staying in a large caravan park in a village in the Vosges and visited the local restautant one night for dinner. The waitress provided menus in both French and English, but the most expensive item on the menu had not been translated. As the proud owner of an O grade in French I decided that ris was rice and veaux was veal. I like veal, notwithstanding animal welfare considerations, and you rarely see it in Scotland so I ordered it.
Very nice it was too, though there wasn't any rice and the rest of it didn't look like veal. After scraping some of the sauce off it and inspecting the surface of it I thought it looked like brains. This was in the early 2000s when BSE was still rife in the UK. Too late I remembered that vaux is a calf. On further reflection I thought that as I'd now contracted variant CJD I may as well clear the plate, firstly because I'm too mean not to and secondly because it was quite tasty.
On the next visit to one of Henri LeClerc's larger emporiums I made a bee line for the boucherie department to inspect the offal counter. You could buy calf's brains, which did look vaguely similar to what I'd been eating but they were really cheap. Then I spotted them at the expensive end of the counter - in packs of two, naturally.

When I go cycling I'm always in the countryside and pass many fields full of farm animals. For a long time afterwards I felt that every bullock I passed I was looking accusingly at me.

 

[TheDoctor]

My main problems are getting genders wrong when asking for things, and not getting noun and adjective endings to match. Asking for ''duo vino caldi' or however I mangled it will get you two mulled wines and a bit of a giggle.
The first time I went to Austria, it was with five other people. It was years before I knew any German numbers higher than six. Other than ninety nine, but I had no need of red balloons.

 

[Dave 123]

Mrs Dave and the boy wonder got mega squits when we rented a house in Bunyola, Mallorca about 15 years ago.

She went to the butchers to buy 2 chicken breasts to go with some boiled rice. She asked for 2 in her best Spanish..... and ended up with 12. She didn’t have the will to try to explain.