Any good jokes ... ?

[Seevio]

If you don't pay your exorcist they will repossess your house.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[PaulB]

A big joke is when people have names for their cars. Take mine for instance, I'm entirely justified to call it Robert because it is a red Ford.

 

[betty swollocks]

I got 2 valentine cards and marriage proposals from 2 women. One makes incredible pancakes, the other writes beautiful poetry.
Should I marry for batter or for verse?

 

[PaulB]

I just heard that the Government are to take 1p off petrol. Doesn't sound the same, etrol, does it?

 

[Dayvo]

 

[PaulB]

It takes a big man to admit his mistakes. It takes a bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut.

 

[Electric_Andy]

it was my son's parents evening last night. The teacher said "all his work is outstanding". Great I said, I don't know where he gets his brains from but it certinaly isn't me. The teacher replied "no I mean all his work is outstanding; he hasn't handed any of it in"

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

Bruce Springsteen is joining the worlds best Abba tribute band on their current world tour.
He'll be alternating which member he is though.
When they're playing in England he'll be Benny and then he is going to be Björn in the USA.

 

[mistyoptic]

 

[morrisman]

Vincent Price was taller than Katie Price and heavier than Alan Price. I got this information from a price comparison site.

 

[PaulB]

My wife thinks I'm pretentious but that's just the zeitgeist of the milieu intended to subvert the dominant paradigm.

 

[houblon]

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Ain't nothing but the truth