Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
My grandfather died at 10:47am and his clock stopped at exactly the same time.
It fell on him.
It fell on him.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
whats an epiletics favourite food?
siezure salad.
coat on and running
siezure salad.
coat on and running
Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
You can hide but you can't run.... not with your knees.
Ron-da-Valli
It's a bleedin' miracle!
- Location
- Rorke's Drift
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
stevede
Well-Known Member
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
LCpl Boiled Egg
Three word soundbite
What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones.
Trombones.
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
I bumped into a pal from my University days and we retired to a pub to catch up on things. The last thing that he told me was that he'd been working for the British Council in Sierra Leone before coming back to the UK and ever since he's been a compulsive buyer of lottery tickets.
I think he's caught Tombola.
I think he's caught Tombola.
