AndyRM
XOXO
- Location
- North Shields
She will go far!
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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She will go far!
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
I dreamt about Hobbits last night. I was Tolkien in my sleep.
glenn forger
Guest
Sick as a parrot.
I failed my italics exam with straight As.
I failed my italics exam with straight As.
ArDee
Guru
- Location
- North of Buntingford, Hetfordshire
Two guys are in the Army, neither of them are too bright, let’s call them Chris and Mick; they’ve both just been promoted from Privates to Lance Corporals.
Not long afterward, they’re out for a walk and Mick says, "Hey, Chris, there’s the NCO Club; let’s you and me step in."
"But we’re only privates," protests Chris.
"We’re Lance Corporals now," says Mick, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside. "Now, Chris, I’m a-going to sit down and have me a drink."
"But we’re privates," says Chris.
"You you blind, boy?" asks Mick, pointing again at his stripe. "We’re Lance Corporals now!"
So they have their drink, and pretty soon one of the Army lasses comes up to Mick.
"You’re cute," she says, "and I’d like to date you, but I’ve got a bad case of gonorrhoea."
Mick pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Chris, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means. If it’s okay, give me the thumbs up."
So Chris goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Mick the big Thumbs Up.
Three weeks later Mick is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea.
Mick says to Chris, "Why did you give me the thumbs up?"
"Well Mick, in the dictionary it says "gonorrhoea affects the privates" and we’re Lance Corporals now."
Not long afterward, they’re out for a walk and Mick says, "Hey, Chris, there’s the NCO Club; let’s you and me step in."
"But we’re only privates," protests Chris.
"We’re Lance Corporals now," says Mick, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside. "Now, Chris, I’m a-going to sit down and have me a drink."
"But we’re privates," says Chris.
"You you blind, boy?" asks Mick, pointing again at his stripe. "We’re Lance Corporals now!"
So they have their drink, and pretty soon one of the Army lasses comes up to Mick.
"You’re cute," she says, "and I’d like to date you, but I’ve got a bad case of gonorrhoea."
Mick pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Chris, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means. If it’s okay, give me the thumbs up."
So Chris goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Mick the big Thumbs Up.
Three weeks later Mick is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea.
Mick says to Chris, "Why did you give me the thumbs up?"
"Well Mick, in the dictionary it says "gonorrhoea affects the privates" and we’re Lance Corporals now."
derrick
The Glue that binds us together.
- Location
- On the edge of London
ayceejay
Guru
- Location
- Rural Quebec
Handsome billionaire: (to butler) now that I have made my money I would like to do something about crime.
Butler: excellent ,I have a few ideas
Handsome billionaire: I have one too, I want to dress up like a bat.
Butler: excellent ,I have a few ideas
Handsome billionaire: I have one too, I want to dress up like a bat.
mrandmrspoves
Middle aged bald git.
- Location
- Narfuk
How does Robin let Batman know when his evening meal is ready?
He shouts . .....Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!
He shouts . .....Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!
Not sure what it is like now, but when I visited Leicester, an area of Braunstone called Dodge City had a reputation to make any superhero consider hanging his cape up permanently.
simon.r
Person
- Location
- Nottingham
'The Monsell' surely?!
Yes, I know Dodge. {shudder}
I work near that part of town, several of my "collagues" live on the Monsell, including some of those I'm responsible for. Challenging is not the word.
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire. Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."
A few weeks later, ‘The British Archaeological Society of Northern England’ reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Skipton area of North Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely nothing. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Makes you proud to be British.
Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire. Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."
A few weeks later, ‘The British Archaeological Society of Northern England’ reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Skipton area of North Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely nothing. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
Makes you proud to be British.
