Any good jokes ... ?

[chewa]

Dr Schrodinger gets stopped for speeding. The policeman asks to see his licence and then says he needs to search the car.

He goes round the back of the car then comes up to the drivers door and says " Did you know you have a dead cat in the boot of your car?"

Schrodinger says "I do now"

 

[Profpointy]

Dr Schrodinger gets stopped for speeding. The policeman asks to see his licence and then says he needs to search the car.

He goes round the back of the car then comes up to the drivers door and says " Did you know you have a dead cat in the boot of your car?"

Schrodinger says "I do now"

not a joke, but a mate of mine visited Schrodinger's old house, and was delighted to see it was fitted with a cat-flap
True story

 

[Alex H]

Sad to relate; the inventor of predictive text died today.

His funfair is on Sundial.

 

[subaqua]

our firm has booked a rude comedy country act from yorkshire to provide the entertainment at the Xmas do.

they are called Tex piss

 

[TVC]

About ten years ago I returned a washing machine sized package to Comet. Not heard anything of it since.

 

[Markymark]

If 'laughter is the best medicine', does watching Miranda give you Ebola?

 

[screenman]

 

[chewa]

Two interesting things about me that are not on my profile.

1.My penis is the length of 2 ikea pencils
2.I've been banned for life from ikea

 

[Turdus philomelos]

Third year student to his red headed peer.
"What's the difference between a ginger and a brick? The brick has more chance of getting laid"

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Police Officer stops a man in a car with a huge rabbit in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that rabbit?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same Officer sees the same man with the rabbit again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. He pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that rabbit to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"

 

[cookiemonster]

How can you tell the sex of a chromosome?

Pull down it's genes.

 

[Cubist]

What's brown and sticky?




My Beyonce poster..........

 

[chewa]

A dyslexic skier is at the top of a mountain with his buddy. "Right, let's zag zig down the mountain" says he.

His buddy says "It's not 'zag zig' it's 'zig zag'!"

The two start to argue until they notice a guy dragging a sled up to the top of the slope. They call him over.

The dyslexic asks "When you ski down a slope, is it 'zag zig' or 'zig zag'?"

The guy with the sled says "I've no idea, I'm a tobogganist"

The dyslexic says "Oh, ok. Well since you're here could I have 20 Benson and Hedges?"

 

[john59]

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant who knows absolutely nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' tooyer, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick, 'hello' and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

" What be those?" asks the attendant..

" They're called tees," replies Tiger.

" Well, what on this God's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.

" They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.

" Fookin Jaysus," says the Irishman, "Mercedes think of everything!"

 

[PeteXXX]

U2's Bono is involved in a bike accident and suffers fractures to his arm, shoulder & face requiring three plates and 18 screws.

Well tonight thank God it's him instead of me.