Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

I bought an ice pick last week, and it melted halfway through my first guitar solo. How do these fraudsters sleep at night?

 

[Cavalol]

I remember one time at school I kept giving this fat kid a dead arm until he cried. Thinking back, I was never really cut out for teaching.

 

[betty swollocks]

Mods. It's a bit rude. I hope you'll allow it though.

Spoiler: Warning: NSFW or children

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[raleighnut]

View attachment 557618

I would be very careful, the previous owner MAY have installed indicators too, these will cause the parking lights to flash on ONE SIDE of the car only if you accidentally catch the inconvenient lever near the steering wheel.

 

[Dave7]

On the train this morning there was a woman........no mask and screaming "you can stick your Corona virus vaccine up your a*se".
I thought, no thank you, I will have mine in the arm like most people.

 

[Moon bunny]

Only 20 shopping days to go folks!

Spoiler

So if you want to get your neighbors for breaking lockdown rules shop them to the police by 2nd December

.

 

[CharlesF]

Before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

 

[Cavalol]

I couldn't explain to my mate what the muscle that help you breath is, so I drew him a diaphragm.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[PaulB]

My wife's walking round the house with her face tripping her. Someone stole a pair of her knickers off the washing line. She's not so much bothered about the knickers, it's just that she wants her 12 pegs back.

 

[Cavalol]

Oh No !

Oh No !

Oh No !

I've lost my job as a town crier.

 

[Cavalol]

My 17 year old son won £21 million pounds on the lottery recently and when I rang him to congratulate him, he didn't want anything to do with me.

His foster parents must have raised him to be a right selfish twit.

 

[Cavalol]

I saw an old friend working in ASDA today.
He said, “I haven’t seen you since the customer help desk closed down. How have you been?”
I said, “ I can't complain."