Any good jokes ... ?

[PeteXXX]

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[LCpl Boiled Egg]

View attachment 536522

I know him. He's the landlord of my local boozer, the Turtle's Head.

 

[bruce1530]

There's a public toilet on top of a hill.
There’s a man going up towards it, one coming down, and one inside. What nationality are they?


The guy going up is Russian, the guy coming down is Finnish, and the guy inside is a Phillipean

 

[PaulB]

What's yellow and white and travels at 120 MPH?



A train driver's egg sandwich.

 

[PaulB]

And I don't know why I'm posting this on the joke page because it's very sad news as the founder of Dulux paints has been found frozen to death on the top of a mountain. He needed another coat.

 

[colly]

Shamelessly stolen of course:


It's bad enough when they crap on your car but to leave a self portrait is just taking the pi55

 

[tyred]

Some just refuse to obey orders.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Grandad had to go into a home.
I rang the day after to check on things.
Nurse said 'He's like a fish out of water I'm afraid'.
'Ah,' I said, 'Not adjusting well then'.
'No,' she said, 'he's dead'.

 

[Dayvo]

Some just refuse to obey orders.
View attachment 536752

 

[pawl]

Two tramps walking along a country lane find a dead rabbit in the road.First tramp picks it up and starts eating .Second tramp says that’s disgusting Five minutes later the first tramp is violently sick.Second tramp scoops up the regurgitated reamains.First tramp says you called me disgusting that is really disgusting.Second tramp says no it’s not I just don’t like cold food

 

[Dave7]

Grandad had to go into a home.
I rang the day after to check on things.
Nurse said 'He's like a fish out of water I'm afraid'.
'Ah,' I said, 'Not adjusting well then'.
'No,' she said, 'he's dead'.

Brilliant.
I am an old grandad and would like to think my family would laught at that.

 

[Venod]