Any good jokes ... ?

[PaulB]

So there I was looking at my naked body in a full length mirror and I thought, I'll get thrown out of IKEA in a minute.

 

[betty swollocks]

As a single person living alone and suffering extreme loneliness, I eagerly complied with Boris’s latest relaxation of the lockdown and tried to join up with another household, but after a single one of my jokes, they threw me out.
I tried again with another household, with, unfortunately, the same result. This happened a third time too. ((

I’m forever blowing bubbles.

 

[betty swollocks]

Anyone got some E45 cream?

 

[Cavalol]

I hear proofreading is being abolished. Is nothing scared?

 

[Salty seadog]

Anyone got some E45 cream?

View attachment 529888

Is that your picture? There's some excellent hilly cycling there.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Dave7]

Apparently the invisible man married the invisible woman.
The kids aren't much to look at.

 

[Beebo]

Why did they make Courteney Cox?

Because Lisa Kudrow.

That joke reminds me of the time I saw Kurt Cobain’s girlfriend fishing.

I said “Courtney Love”

She replied “no, not even a bite”

 

[betty swollocks]

Apparently city planners in Bilbao have been told to design all new buildings with at least two means of getting out.
Because you can't put all your Basques in one exit.

 

[Dayvo]

My wife and I have decided we don't want to have children.

We'll be telling them this evening.

 

[Darius_Jedburgh]

I say, I say.
What's brown and sounds like a bell?



Dung🛎🛎🛎

 

[Cavalol]

It’s raining cats and dogs here. I’ve just trod in a poodle.

 

[PeteXXX]

I say, I say.
What's brown and sounds like a bell?



Dung🛎🛎🛎

4th outing for this one.. 👍🏼 🤣

 

[mistyoptic]

Medical experts were asked if it’s time to ease the lockdown.

Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Many Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"*

Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and pharmacists claimed it would be a bitter pill to swallow.

Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."

Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a***holes.

😂😂

 

[ozboz]

The Grim Reaper turned up at the door !
Your not havin me yet !
So the only thing at hand was the vacuum cleaner ! So I fought him off !
Talk about Dyson with Death !!