Any good jokes ... ?

[jhawk]

What's brown and sticky?



A stick

GC

 

[Cheddar George]

What's brown and sticky?



A stick

GC

What's brown and sounds like a bell ?





Dung !

 

[jhawk]

The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.

 

[simon the viking]

What's brown and sticky?



A stick

GC

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick

 

[simon the viking]

Welcome to 1976.

Does that mean we are getting a good summer then.....

 

[Frood42]

Does that mean we are getting a good summer then.....

Wasn't that the summer of '69..?

I'll get me coat
.

 

[TVC]

What`s the first sign of madness?

Suggs walking up your drive.











I msy have posted this before, if so, enjoy the encore.

 

[ayceejay]

What`s the first sign of madness?

Suggs walking up your drive.


Madness - formed 1979 I rest my case.








I msy have posted this before, if so, enjoy the encore.

 

[Cubist]

The children had to recite a rhyme at school:
Susan started:
Mary had a little hen
she kept it in a bucket
and every time she let it out
the rooster would chase it

"Susan that doesn't rhyme!!" said the teacher
"It will when the rooster catches it!" Lynda replies.

.........

Mary had a little skirt
with a slit right up the side
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thigh.

Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front,
But she didn't wear that one very often.

.........

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water,
We don’t know what they did up there,
But now they’ve got a daughter

..........

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to pay
He kissed them too, he was funny that way

Mary had a mechanical cow,
she called it Mary-Anna.
She took it to the top of the hill
And milked it with a spanner.


Mary had a little bike
She rode it on the grass
And every time the wheel went round
A spoke shot up her dress.

 

[Cubist]

A man lost his willy in an industrial accident, and went to see a specialist who grafted on a baby elephants trunk. Once he had the stitches out the bloke was pleased as punch but came back to the Doc after a couple of weeks begging to have it replaced with a standard prosthetic.
"Isn't your wife happy with it?" asked the Doc
"She's thrilled, but last week I walked past the buns at Asda and it kept reaching out and taking them off the shelf."
"So it's helping you do the shopping.... can't you see the positives?" asked the Doc
"I would," said the bloke, "But you should see where it keeps stuffing them."

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

What's brown and sticky?



A stick

GC

Q: Whats green and sounds like a carrot?
A: A parrot

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

BREAKING NEWS: Cement brings the Victoria Line to a halt.
Mortar follow.

 

[screenman]

47 heart attack victims have been arrested this week for giving the quenelle gesture in public.

 

[PaulB]

Danny discovers his wife is cheating with another man, so he goes to the man's wife and tells her about it.
"I know what we will do," she says. "Let's take revenge on them."
So they go to a motel and take revenge.
After 10 mins, she says, "Let's take more revenge," and they take revenge again.
So like this, they kept taking more & more revenge...
After the fifth time, Danny was lying spent, and she said, "Lets take revenge again." Danny said,"I can't... I have no more hard feelings left !!!!"

 

[ufkacbln]

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
And now she takes it to her School
Between two lumps of bread