Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Ever wondered what the difference between Grannies and Grandads is?
A 5 year old Granddaughter is usually taken to her The Cycle Chat school, daily, by her Grandfather.
When he had a bad cold his wife took the Grandchild.
That night she told her parents that the ride to school with Granny was very different!!
"What made it different?" asked her parents:
"Gran and I didn't see a single t****r, blind b*****d, d***head, p***k or w****r anywhere on the way to school today!'
A 5 year old Granddaughter is usually taken to her The Cycle Chat school, daily, by her Grandfather.
When he had a bad cold his wife took the Grandchild.
That night she told her parents that the ride to school with Granny was very different!!
"What made it different?" asked her parents:
"Gran and I didn't see a single t****r, blind b*****d, d***head, p***k or w****r anywhere on the way to school today!'
Last edited by a moderator:
glenn forger
Guest
Are YOU worried about the worldwide spread of Rastafarianism?
Personally, I'm dreading it.
Personally, I'm dreading it.
glasgowcyclist
Charming but somewhat feckless
- Location
- Scotland
Why is the 50 pence piece shaped as it is?
So you can use a spanner to get it out of a Scotsman's hand!
GC
My mates just got the sack from his job on the dodgems - he's planning to take them to a tribunal for funfair dismissal.................
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I've just found out i can still have sex at 74!!
I'm so happy because i live at 68 so its not far to walk home.........................
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My uncle has just given up his job in the tiddly winks factory..........................................
he said it was counter-productive
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In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa
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One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Scousers and Pikeys is not the correct answer
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I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new childrens iPod after realising that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
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My wife told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for the two of us on Valentine's Night. Problem was she's rubbish at snooker
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A mate of mine has just told me he's sleeping with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"
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A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is fat, yellow & lazy and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."
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I've just found out i can still have sex at 74!!
I'm so happy because i live at 68 so its not far to walk home.........................
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My uncle has just given up his job in the tiddly winks factory..........................................
he said it was counter-productive
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Scousers and Pikeys is not the correct answer
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new childrens iPod after realising that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for the two of us on Valentine's Night. Problem was she's rubbish at snooker
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mate of mine has just told me he's sleeping with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is fat, yellow & lazy and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."
Last edited by a moderator:
Freds Dad
Veteran
- Location
- Gawsworth.
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.
Go for the juggler.
- Location
- Egham
What's green and goes up down up down up down?
Greengage in a lift...
IGMC..
Greengage in a lift...
IGMC..
glenn forger
Guest
The cast of 12 Years A Slave are expected to clean up at the Oscars.
Disgusting such attitudes prevail.
Disgusting such attitudes prevail.
The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down. -”Geez, are you lucky.” The cyclist says. -”What do you mean by lucky ?” The pedestrian angrily asks. “I got hurt really bad.” -”Ah, you re lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a car.
A not so young lady goes to the doctor's surgery.
"I'm sorry Mrs.Truelove, Doctor Jones is busy at the moment but Doctor Smith is available". "Fine, I'll see Doctor Smith"
3 minutes later she ran out of the surgery screaming and yelling in the corridor. Doctor Jones opened his door and gently guided Mrs.Truelove into his consulting room. "What on earth is the matter my dear?" She told him what Doctor Smith had said so Doctor Jones went immediately to see Doctor Smith. "What the devil do you think you're doing? Mrs.Truelove is 67 years old and you told her she was pregnant?"
Doctor Smith looked up from his clipboard with a grin on his face and said "But I cured her hiccups didn't I?"
"I'm sorry Mrs.Truelove, Doctor Jones is busy at the moment but Doctor Smith is available". "Fine, I'll see Doctor Smith"
3 minutes later she ran out of the surgery screaming and yelling in the corridor. Doctor Jones opened his door and gently guided Mrs.Truelove into his consulting room. "What on earth is the matter my dear?" She told him what Doctor Smith had said so Doctor Jones went immediately to see Doctor Smith. "What the devil do you think you're doing? Mrs.Truelove is 67 years old and you told her she was pregnant?"
Doctor Smith looked up from his clipboard with a grin on his face and said "But I cured her hiccups didn't I?"
- Location
- Egham
How do you get an elephant in the fridge?
Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.....
Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.....
- Location
- Egham
How do you get a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, put the giraffe in, close the door? No.......
Open the door, remove the elephant, put the giraffe in close the door.
I'm sorry did someone say good jokes...
Open the door, remove the elephant, put the giraffe in close the door.
I'm sorry did someone say good jokes...
