Any good jokes ... ?

[PaulB]

There's been a stabbing in the office of the Real Madrid manager...……......................Police think it's Murder on Zidane's floor.

Or should that be in the Football thread?

 

[roadrash]

Just seen someone in Aldi, buying paella, tortilla,churros and a giant sombrero, I thought.........HISPANIC buying !!

 

[Cavalol]

I took my kids skimming by the lake earlier.


The two-year-old went the furthest.

 

[screenman]

Just got back from a Local Tesco . I've never been so rudely treated in my life!! 😔 ...All I did was ask for toilet paper at the Customer Service desk🤷 The woman behind the counter yelled at the top of her lungs.. OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS !!?! . 😲. .

I politely said...There's no need to make a scene and shuffled back to the toilets with my pants around my ankles....😂

PLEASE leave the TP in Public Toilets!!

bloody brilliant, cried with laughter.

 

[PaulB]

It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few further local businesses around our town. The bra manufacturer has gone bust, the specialist in submersibles has gone under, the manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers, the suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded, the Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn't ketchup with orders, the tarmac laying company has reached the end of the road, the bread company has run out of dough, the clock manufacturer has had to wind down and gone cuckoo, the Chinese has been taken away, the shoe shop has had to put his foot down and given his staff the boot and finally the laundrette has been taken to the cleaners!

 

[Andy_R]

 

[Andy_R]

 

[Andy_R]

I rather like the motto of the French Navy.
"To the water; It is the hour"

A little French is required; and maybe a little patience!

It took me a while, but well done.

 

[Archie_tect]

US politicians advised to wear masks... fail.

 

[newfhouse]

 

[Andy_R]

I'm going on a pub crawl tonight. There's a can of beer in every room in the house.....

 

[Andy_R]

It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few further local businesses around our town. The bra manufacturer has gone bust, the specialist in submersibles has gone under, the manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers, the suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded, the Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn't ketchup with orders, the tarmac laying company has reached the end of the road, the bread company has run out of dough, the clock manufacturer has had to wind down and gone cuckoo, the Chinese has been taken away, the shoe shop has had to put his foot down and given his staff the boot and finally the laundrette has been taken to the cleaners!

Dont forget that the bonsai supply company has downsized

 

[Cavalol]

Duck pluckers get me down.

 

[Cavalol]

Cod Stewart

 

[colly]

Literally just now:

I have a communication from my bank letting me know that interest rates are going down.

From F*** All to

Sweet F*** All