Any good jokes ... ?

[CharlesF]

The four stages of a day off:

1. I will do so much stuff
2. Later I'll do lots of stuff
3. Eventually, I'll do some stuff
4. Oh no.

 

[AndyRM]

The four stages of a day off:

1. I will do so much stuff
2. Later I'll do lots of stuff
3. Eventually, I'll do some stuff
4. Oh no.

Reminds me of the creative process graph:

 

[Archie_tect]

"What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?"

"Pumpkin Pi."

 

[Levo-Lon]

Guy in a shop asked if the insect spray he had was any good for wasps... No was the reply, it kills them..

 

[Salty seadog]

An older gentleman was asked during his prostate check if he had any trouble passing urine.

"I do doctor" the gent said "every morning at 6.30 I piss like a horse."

"Well that sounds good to me" replied the doc.

The gent says "it would be but for the fact I don't wake up till 7 o'clock."

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Inspired by two posts above.

The Six stages of a Project

1. Enthusiasm
2. Disillusionment
3. Panic
4. Search for the guilty
5. Punishment of the innocent
6. Praise and honors for the non-participants

 

[Profpointy]

It's a bit sad these days that people have been setting off fireworks from the middle of October. It frightened the cat so much she hid and wouldn't come out from under the Christmas Tree

(shamelessly stoled from the diving forum)

 

[Cavalol]

I once stumbled across The Almighty’s office, in a labyrinth of fragrant climbing shrubs.


God works in wisterias maze.

 

[Salty seadog]

'this crossword is depressing me'

'Well try not to get two down'

 

[betty swollocks]

Interviewer: How do you account for this four year gap?
Me: I went to Yale.
Interviewer: I'm very impressed, you're hired.
Me: Hooray, I got a yob.

 

[Cavalol]

Does anyone know an anagram for
"frisking a deaf minor"?

I'm asking for a friend

 

[Cavalol]

I've just invented a bulletproof vest, made out of several layers of skin from a popular curved yellow fruit.

However an 80's girl group is claiming they own the name I've chosen for my garment.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[AndyRM]

View attachment 490237

Saw that captioned "I like smoking weed and swimming with dolphins."

 

[morrisman]

For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas
There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.