Any good jokes ... ?

[CharlesF]

If you see someone doing a crossword today, lean over them and say 7 up is Lemonade.

 

[mistyoptic]

Accordion to a recent survey, 99% of people don't notice if random words are replaced by names of musical instruments.

I ate a whole tuba Smarties trying to work that out

 

[EltonFrog]

I ate a whole tuba Smarties trying to work that out

Well, I was eating just one Cornet. Oh!

 

[Archie_tect]

Knock, knock...
Who's there?
The interrupting cow.
The interr... ...MOOOO!

{Had to be done...]

 

[LeetleGreyCells]

In 1905, Albert Einstein published a theory about space.

And it was about time.

 

[Smokin Joe]

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

 

[betty swollocks]

Accordion to a recent survey, 99% of people don't notice if random words are replaced by names of musical instruments.

How were the results of this survey uncovered??
Did euphonium?

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Cavalol]

SCAPABOBIDIDDYWIDDILYDOOBAPBAPAPHOBIA - the fear of freestyle jazz.

 

[Cavalol]

The doctor has just diagnosed me with viagraphobia.

It has to be said, I'm scared stiff.

 

[rvw]

"What's the secret of good comedy?"
"I don't know. What is the secret of good com-"
"Timing!"

 

[raleighnut]

"What's the secret of good comedy?"
"I don't know. What is the secret of good com-"
"Timing!"

Rowan Atkinson/Richard Curtis.

 

[Cavalol]

One of the original Thunderbirds puppets has been seriously damaged in a suspected arson attack. Police have said they are holding a candlelit Virgil.

 

[Cavalol]

 

[colly]

I bought my mum a new vacuum cleaner for her birthday. Maybe I should have not wrapped it.