Any good jokes ... ?

[bruce1530]

“The bowler’s Holding, the Batsman’s Willey..”

 

[Smokin Joe]

“The bowler’s Holding, the Batsman’s Willey..”

"And Fred Davis, unable to get his leg over at his age, uses his left hand instead"

Ted Lowe

 

[Cavalol]

I've just gone and brought a Vespa and a Parka.


I'm having a mod life crisis.

 

[Chris S]

Why do Liberal Democrat candidates make such good lovers?
They always come second.

 

[Cavalol]

I asked for two eggs at breakfast in my French hotel, but they said one was enough.

 

[Cavalol]

Hank Marvin must get fed every time he introduces himself.

 

[PaulB]

A rare venture from me into the slightly longer joke territory here.....


A prostitute opens up a new venture in...let's just say somewhere in Yorkshire and is aware of their legendary meanness. To start off on the right foot, she advertises her services and informs the locals that their tastes will be catered for and if they keep their request under three words, she'll do it for a fiver.

First guy goes in and asks her to 'shag me stupid' and this she does. £5 changes hands and both parties are happy.

Second guy goes in and he's a bit kinkier so he says, 'beat me up', this she does, the fiver changes hands and both are happy.

The third guy goes in and he's a bit cannier than the other two so he says, 'paint my house.'

 

[PeteXXX]

Must be the same lass that set up in Catterick..
The seargent major asks how much she'd charge for his company..
£5, she said.
A bargain, he replied...

Company, by the left.. Quick march!!



She never learns.

 

[Cavalol]

Doctor doctor, I think I'm a small red furry creature that rummages in bins, and am experiencing some pain. Could you prescribe me some medication, please?

For fox ache?

Now now, there's no need to be rude...

 

[Electric_Andy]

RN Captain: "Barber, how much is a crew cut?"
Barber: "£8 Sir"
RN Captain: "Alright, come in lads"

-Tommy Copper

 

[Deleted member 26715]

-Tommy Copper

That's the funniest thing in this whole thread.

 

[Cavalol]

My wife is always moaning that I don't fill the washing machine up properly. Today's the day I throw in the towel.

 

[Cavalol]

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching an American street performer do some juggling.
The juggler notices the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a wooden crate and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"

 

[Dave7]

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching an American street performer do some juggling.
The juggler notices the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a wooden crate and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"

That is another one that is so bad I have borrowed it and sent it to my Bro.

 

[Archie_tect]

Asked my neighbour why they called their dogs 'One' and 'Two'.

'If 'One' dies, we've got 'Two' left.