Any good jokes ... ?

[Seevio]

2/10, See me.

I agree. Where are the other 8?

 

[Salty seadog]

I agree. Where are the other 8?

That one's allowed in.

 

[Cavalol]

When I worked at the Post Office I met the queen.

Didn’t know whether to shake her hand or lick the back of her head.

 

[Threevok]

Police have arrested a man for conspiring to steal parrot food and lard from a local supermarket

He was not judged to be a risk to the public - as he was eyeing poly and saturates

 

[Threevok]

An art gallery has refused to exhibit the work of inmates, from the local prison

Apparently, hanging's too good for them

 

[Threevok]

The boss has invited us all to a poker night next week

The trouble is - we have to be in suits

I have the feeling we're being played

 

[Threevok]

An atheist has been seriously injured, after being crushed by scenery at a nativity play

He was rushed to hospital, where his condition is described as stable but critical

 

[Cavalol]

Last Christmas I gave my grandad a prostitute and a duvet....which surprised him, as he'd actually asked for a tartan blanket.

 

[Cavalol]

Four years ago my friend started making the world’s largest apple filled pastry.


He now has five bakers and a huge turnover.

 

[Cavalol]

I got disqualified from the schizophrenia boxing championship, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it.

 

[Cavalol]

I’ve invented some state of the art traffic signals.

Just waiting for the council to give me the green light.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

You can tell an ant's gender by putting it in water.

If it drowns it's a girl ant, if it survives it's buoyant.

 

[morrisman]

My wife has this unusual case of OCD where she arranges dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is a very rare dish order.

 

[Cavalol]

This voice operated, home automation device that I've just bought off Ama zon keeps shouting "Hello, John, got a new motor?"


That's the last time I buy anything in an Alexei Sayle.

 

[betty swollocks]