The MOD organise a new survival course. Attending the course were representatives from the SAS, Royal Marines, RAF Regiment and Military Police. After some basic exercises, the trainer tells them their next objective is to go down into the woods and come back with a rabbit for tea.
First up the SAS. They don infra red goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by a single muffled shot. They emerge with a rabbit, shot cleanly through the forehead.
"Excellent" says the Instructor.
Next the Royal Marines. They double towards the woods, then break up and enter. Complete silence for a while. Then out they come and double back with a live rabbit. “He says he can tell us where the rest are if you want any more.” reports the young 2nd Lt in charge.
“Impressive” says the Instructor
Next up RAF Regiment. They finish their cans of lager, cover themselves in camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of machine gun fire, mortar bombs, hand grenades and blood-curdling war cries. Eventually, they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
“Bit messy, but, a result." says the Instructor.
Lastly the Military Police walk in slowly, hands behind backs, whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie talkie: "sierra oscar one, suspect headed straight for you" etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge, with a hedgehog in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" asks the incredulous trainer. "Take this hedgehog back and get me a rabbit, like I asked you 5 hours ago!"
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes to hours, day turns to night. At midnight the Instructor and the rest are awakened by the redcaps, holding the hedgehog, now looking rather battered.
"Are you taking the piss?" asks the seriously irate Instructor.
The military policeman shoots a stern glance at the hedgehog, who squeaks: "Alright, alright, I'm a ***king rabbit!!!”
