Any good jokes ... ?

[monkeytennis]

Beautiful young women don't do a thing for me.

I keep asking them to, but they still don't do a thing for me.

 

[User33236]

My girlfriend say she wanted Channel No.5 for her birthday.

She’s going to be made up.

All I had to do was retune her Freeview box.

 

[betty swollocks]

The Apple Corporation has issued a warning to the public that they should be careful about going up in an elevator with one of its employees, thus:-
"Beware of geeks sharing lifts"

 

[Electric_Andy]

I went to a foot fetish club the other night and was very sick afterwards. Turns out I'm lick-toes intolerant.

 

[Profpointy]

I went to a foot fetish club the other night and was very sick afterwards. Turns out I'm lick-toes intolerant.

and a homosocksual ... to boot

 

[AndyRM]

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

My wife says sex on holiday is super. Can't say that is the best postcard I've ever received.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Young boy watching a film. Cesar is having some slaves thrown to the lions when he bursts into tears.

Mum asks "What's the matter?"

Young lad replies - "The lion in the corner hasn't got one yet"

 

[User33236]

I would get so excited in French lessons that sometimes a little "oui" would come out.

 

[User33236]

I had a fight with a man on some moving stairs today..

It started at the bottom and just escalated from there.

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

Two men were arrested for masturbating in my local newsagents. It was all over the papers...

 

[User33236]

When I told my wife I was looking at flights on the internet, she got very excited!

This was odd as she's never shown an interest in darts before.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Don't you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.

 

[Markymark]

My granddad has Parkinson’s disease. He can’t stop interviewing people.

 

[User33236]

I've got a new job as a plumber.

It's ok but the work is draining.