Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
Seevio
Guru
- Location
- South Glos
And possibly to stop it happening again.
ADarkDraconis
Cardinal Member
- Location
- Ohio, USA
Oh, bee-hive yourself buzzter!!! You had me bee-side myself with laughter!
ADarkDraconis
Cardinal Member
- Location
- Ohio, USA
In the state of California you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Do you know why not?
Actually you cannot do that no matter where you are because wooden legs don't take pictures, silly. You need a camera for that!
Last edited:
Bazzer
Setting the controls for the heart of the sun.
- Location
- On the edge of reality
Taken from radio 4 yesterday and the late Linda Smith, who bought a CD of whale songs to help her relax, only to discover it was dolphin tribute band.
swee'pea99
Legendary Member
I 'liked' this at the time, but it keeps coming back to me and it makes me laugh every time. So thanks for that.
D
Deleted member 26715
Guest
Mr. Marcus is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
The nurse, his wife, daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks that 2 witnesses be present and a camcorder in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
"To my son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre.
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the east bank of the river."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize the extent of his real estate holdings, and as Mr. Marcus slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Marcus , your husband must have worked very hard to have accumulated so much property".
To which the wife replied, "The ass-hole had a paper round."
The nurse, his wife, daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks that 2 witnesses be present and a camcorder in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
"To my son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre.
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the east bank of the river."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize the extent of his real estate holdings, and as Mr. Marcus slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Marcus , your husband must have worked very hard to have accumulated so much property".
To which the wife replied, "The ass-hole had a paper round."
ozboz
Guru
- Location
- Richmond ,Surrey
twentysix by twentyfive
Clinging on tightly
- Location
- Over the Hill
She goes to the doctor's office and during the examination she says: "Doctor, I've got a problem that I am deeply concerned about. I keep farting all the time, they don't smell or make a sound but I am constantly farting all the time, in fact I've farted 15 times since you've stepped in the room to exam me, I'm very worried that there is something wrong with me."
The doctor writes her a prescription and says: "Take 2 of these a day and see me in a week.”
The woman comes back in a week and says: "These pills aren't helping, in fact I'm even worse, I'm still farting all the time, they still don't make any noise, but now they smell horrible."
The doctor says: "Good, we've cleared up your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing."
The doctor writes her a prescription and says: "Take 2 of these a day and see me in a week.”
The woman comes back in a week and says: "These pills aren't helping, in fact I'm even worse, I'm still farting all the time, they still don't make any noise, but now they smell horrible."
The doctor says: "Good, we've cleared up your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing."
Pro Tour Punditry
Guru
My mate just rang me in tears. His wife has left him, taken his Bob Marley collection and the satellite dish.
Poor bugger; no woman, no sky!
Poor bugger; no woman, no sky!
