Any good jokes ... ?

[Cubist]

Have we done the Extra Strong Mint one?

Extra Strong Mint goes into the pub and heads straight for two Polos standing at the bar. "I'm hard me!" he said, "Hardest farking mint in the packet!"
The Polos quietly buy him a pint hoping that he'll go away and leave them alone. The door bursts open and in swagger two Lockets. The Extra Strong Mint takes one look and dives under the pool table, shaking like a shiting dog. The Lockets walk round both bars and seeing no one they know, disappear again.

One of the Polos looks down at the Extra Strong Mint and says "Thought you were meant to be hard?"
The Extra Strong Mint says " I'm hard, but those two are farking menthol."

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Posted in the "Count to..." thread but thought it good enough for a wider audience too.

 

[Dave7]

Hearing that scientists have developed a cure for dyslexia was music to my arse.

I am deeply "miffed".............I was just about to post that one

 

[TVC]

Clever thinking from Tesco.

 

[Cubist]

Clever thinking from Tesco.

View attachment 335651

I once suffered a temporary male dysfunction, and was forced to use one to satisfy Mrs Cube's marital requirements. We both drifted off blissfully to sleep, but I was woken in the small hours by Mrs Cube thrashing and moaning in the bed next to me. Concerned, I asked if she was alright, to which she replied

"That cucumber keeps repeating on me."

 

[morrisman]

Someone has stolen my coffee cup from the office kitchen.

Just off to the police station now to look at some mug shots.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

A little girl is obviously lost in the supermarket so the security guard intervenes.

"Have you lost your mummy?" he asks.

"Yes" she replies, bottom lip a-tremble.

"What's she like?" asked the guard.

"Black men and vodka" the little girl replies.

 

[subaqua]

Can't get chicken OXO in our Tesco .

I think they have a problem with stock

 

[subaqua]

It is actually true. There are no chicken stock cubes in local Tesco .

And I have contacted premier food and Tesco asking if it is a stock control issue. Can't wait for response !

 

[TVC]

 

[Hitchington]

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

Don't know and don't care

 

[threebikesmcginty]

I don't know why my elderly neighbour bothers having newspapers delivered if he's just going to let them pile up outside his house.

 

[subaqua]

Guess the character

 

[raleighnut]

View attachment 336060

Guess the character

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

View attachment 336060

Guess the character

Star Wars?