Any good jokes ... ?

[TwickenhamCyclist]

Another one for the Uxbridge English Dictionary:

Dictator - potato shaped remarkably like a penis

(Inspired, if that's the right word, by my current bedtime reading, Robert Harris's book of the same name)

Delighted to find an on-line edition!
http://www.alspcs.com/main.html

A La Carte - A Muslim wheelbarrow.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

How do you know a drummer is knocking on your door?


The knocking speeds up as it goes on.

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

How do you know a drummer is knocking on your door?


The knocking speeds up as it goes on.

And you have to shout come in thee times before he does anything...

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

How do you know a drummer is knocking on your door?


The knocking speeds up as it goes on.

One of my favourite insults to a musician was by Humphrey Littleton to the long suffering Colin Sell (there were a few)
I can't find the original quote but it went something like this (apologies as it looses a lot without Littleton's unique style of delivery but):

"Colin. I'd like you to play the next piece in the following way. Can you start in a time signature of 4/4 in the key of G and finish playing it at 7/8 in the key of A minor. What do you mean its too difficult? I'm sure that's exactly how you played it in rehearsal."

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

How do you know a drummer is knocking on your door?


The knocking speeds up as it goes on.

Q: What’s black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A: A guitarist who’s told too many drummer jokes.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

How do you know you've set up the drum platform properly?

The drummer is drooling equally from both sides of his mouth.

 

[Cubist]

Why are drummer jokes so simple?

So the bass player can understand them.

 

[Nibor]

How does a lead guitarist know when his solo is over? The pub landlord goes to bed.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I told my mum I wanted to be a musician when I grew up. She smiled and said I couldn't do both.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Two drummers walk past a bar.

 

[subaqua]

what do you call a person who hangs round with musicians ?

A drummer.

 

[guitarpete247]

A drummer is fed up with all the jokes, so wants to try a new instrument. He goes into a music shop and walks around for few hours looking at all the instruments but can't make his mind up.
He goes up to a member of staff and explains that he wants to try the white accordion and the red saxophone.
"You're a drummer aren't you" he says.
"How did you know".
"Well the red saxophone is a fire extinguisher and the white accordion is a radiator".

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

What do you call a woman on the arm of a drummer?





A tattoo.

 

[Cubist]

Vocalist walks into practice room to find the bass player hitting the drummer. "what's going on?" he asks.
"This bastard has detuned one of my strings" says the bassist.
"No need to hit him, just retune it" says the vocalist.
"I would, but he won't tell me which one."

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years's eve gig at a local club. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music. Shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, "You guys sound great .. everybody loves you .. I'd like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year's eve to play ??

The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner .. and the trombone player says, "Sure .. we'd love to .. Is it OK if we leave our stuff here ??"