Any good jokes ... ?

[welsh dragon]

Hmmmm, have you checked the thread title recently?

Was that always the title? Anyway. One mans trash and all that. I can tell.even worse ones.

 

[ufkacbln]

Oh God!

What is the difference between God and a Pizza?

God cannot be topped!

 

[welsh dragon]

Whats something thats red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

 

[TVC]

My wife and I were walking by a lovely stream when I picked up a twig and said to her "Pooh Sticks"

"Yes it does" she replied, "do you find the twig helps?".

 

[ufkacbln]

What is blue and smells like red paint?

blue paint

 

[welsh dragon]

And the lord said to john "come forth and you will be rewarded with eternal life"

But he came fifth and won a toaster.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

One day a little boy wrote a letter to Santa Claus asking "Please send me a sister".

Santa wrote back, "OK, please send me your mother"

 

[ufkacbln]

What does God smell with?

God knows

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

A lion was getting married....at his wedding was a mouse shouting away, congratulating the lion "All the best my brother! Goodluck"

Seeing the mouse shouting away claiming that the lion getting married is his brother, another lion grabs the mouse in anger and asks:

"Who the hell do you think you are ? How can a lion be your brother ? you are only a mouse"

The mouse replies...."I was also a Lion before I got married"

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

"So, Mr Adams." The lady at the jobcentre said, "After nearly 20 years in full time employment, you just decided to leave. May I ask why?"

"Well," I said, "I opened a Twitter account, and after about a week I decided that my whole career had been a total waste of time. So I left."

"And what was this career?" She asked.

"I was an English teacher."

 

[LCpl Boiled Egg]

I just had a job interview at Buzzfeed. They asked me for three good reasons why they should hire me. I said "I'll give you 13 and you won't believe what number 6 is."

 

[benb]

I just had a job interview at Buzzfeed. They asked me for three good reasons why they should hire me. I said "I'll give you 13 and you won't believe what number 6 is."

"Why do you want this job?"
"The reason will amaze you!"

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I came back on this thread to remove the joke I posted earlier but I see it's already been done. Humour is sibjective but I had no intention of offending anyone - if I have, I apologise.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

A Yorkshireman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant last night...

"Did you smell that food?" she asked... "Wonderful!"

Being the kind hearted Yorkshireman, he thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her!"

... So they walked past it again...

 

[subaqua]

Definitions

Secular - the shape of the Queens wheels
Shingles - tennis with Sean Connery
Fairy - what cats feel like to a scouser
Countryside- killing Piers Morgan