subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
apparently took a wrong turn on the M1 and is now on the road to Hull
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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apparently took a wrong turn on the M1 and is now on the road to Hull
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Cubester has had an offer to study politics at an East Yorkshire Uni. He needs ACDC. He's on a highway to Hull.
I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife is cheating on me. I see the usual signals; the phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with ‘the girls’ a lot lately, although when I ask for their names she says, “just some friends from work, you don’t know them.” I try to stay awake to see when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. I think deep down, I just didn’t want to know the truth.
Last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my road and mountain bikes so I could get a good view of the street when she arrived home from her night out with ‘the girls’. When she got out of the car, she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open. She took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that very moment, crouching behind my bike, I noticed a slight crack in the downtube, two inches behind the headset. Is this something I can fix myself, or should I take it back to the bike shop?
— Concerned Cyclist
Last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my road and mountain bikes so I could get a good view of the street when she arrived home from her night out with ‘the girls’. When she got out of the car, she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open. She took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that very moment, crouching behind my bike, I noticed a slight crack in the downtube, two inches behind the headset. Is this something I can fix myself, or should I take it back to the bike shop?
— Concerned Cyclist
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
No - just didn't bother to check through 215 pages of jokes to see if it had been posted before. How very silly of me!
Try the search bar - it's saved me from posting duplicates.
Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.
"Och, it's all goin' pure dead brilliant," says Jimmy.
"Av goat everythin organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods approvingly.
I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.
"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. Whit's the tartan?"
"Och," says Jimmy, "Ah imagine she'll be in white.
"Och, it's all goin' pure dead brilliant," says Jimmy.
"Av goat everythin organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods approvingly.
I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.
"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. Whit's the tartan?"
"Och," says Jimmy, "Ah imagine she'll be in white.
PaulSB
Squire
- Location
- Chorley, Lancashire
A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.
The wife said "Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all
choked up… "Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.
"Well I am in the bike shop next door to that."
The wife said "Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all
choked up… "Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.
"Well I am in the bike shop next door to that."
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
Celebrity news : Cheryl Fernandez-Versini's marriage is said to be on the rocks. Sources close to the couple suggest that an 'insurmountable language barrier' is said to be the problem.
Surely it can't be too late for Cheryl to learn to speak English?
Surely it can't be too late for Cheryl to learn to speak English?
PaulSB
Squire
- Location
- Chorley, Lancashire
Well it was new for me .........
JtB
Prepare a way for the Lord
- Location
- North Hampshire
A repeat of the very first joke that started this thread.Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.
"Och, it's all goin' pure dead brilliant," says Jimmy.
"Av goat everythin organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods approvingly.
I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.
"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. Whit's the tartan?"
"Och," says Jimmy, "Ah imagine she'll be in white.
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
Not a joke but still funny, TK Maxx in Stirling today:
