The pilot on a long distance flight announces "ladies and gentlemen we are now at 30,000 feet and cruising at 600 mph and OH, HOLY SH*T". Everything goes silent.
After a minute the pilot comes back on and "sorry about that, the flight attendant just spilt a hot cp of coffee in my lap. You should see the mess at the front of my trousers".
A voice from the back shouts "that nothing compared to the mess at the back of my trousers"
In a similar vein, there's an anecdote in Frank Muir'a memoirs concerning a recently demob'd RAF pilot, in his first civilian role flying airliners. He'd not yet got his proper airline uniform so was wearing his suit and tie, and was in the habit of sitting in the passenger area doing his pre-flight paperwork. He'd then say quite loudly "If this pilot doesn't turn up soon, I'll be flying the plane myself" After another 10 minutes, he'd announce "That's enough of this" and stride up to the cockpit and fire up the engines and the plane would duly take off to the horror of the passengers. It helped the gag he had a rural Irish accent rather than the posh-boy public school accent they'd have expected of an ex-RAF fighter pilot, and become accustomed to from the War films.
His other prank was to roll out a piece of string from the cockpit and give the end to the most worried looking passenger saying "I'm just going to the loo, so could you hold this steady and if the nose drops, give it a tug"; the co-pilot having been primed to push the stick forward at the right moment.
True stories; who knows? But I do hope so
