Any good jokes ... ?

[tyred]

 

[bruce1530]

“Your son is now banned from the Swimming Pool”
“Why?”
“Peeing in the pool”
“But all the kids pee in the pool”
“Not off the top diving board….”

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

“Your son is now banned from the Swimming Pool”
“Why?”
“Peeing in the pool”
“But all the kids pee in the pool”
“Not off the top diving board….”

Fair play to him thought
I couldn;t even walk onto the top diving board
never mind stand on the edge and pee off it!

 

[postman]

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping.

 

[postman]

I went to the doctors overweight.I don't want you to eat anything fatty for two days.What like pork pies,bacon sarnies burgers.No don't eat anything,fatty.

 

[markemark]

We are going out to a firework display tonight but we won’t be taking grandad. He doesn't like going to fireworks displays because they remind him of the war.

During the war he went to a series of seriously disappointing fireworks displays.

 

[tyred]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Archaeologist discovers origin of the Croc shoe.

 

[Profpointy]

EDIT: I supposed it's not really right as that is Paul Dirac's "bra" and "ket" notation rather than Schrodinger's but I still like it

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[craigwend]

 

[tyred]

 

[craigwend]

 

[tyred]

 

[mistyoptic]

My mate quit his job at BMW.

Of course he gave no indication he was leaving.